I Seriously Need to Learn to Scam

Okay, so I was on Facebook (yes, I'm a sheep, but I blame my friends. I'm on MySpace to promote the film but I blame Tina for Facebook) and I saw an ad that read:

"Just Break Up? How you can get instant relief from the pain of break up. How you can win them back, even if they are with someone else right now. What you should do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages."

and then you give them your name and email address and they will tell you how much these amazing secrets will cost you. ($39.00 plus shipping and handling). No, I didn't give them my name and address, I Googled around because I was intrigued not by his methods, but by the sheer fact that this even exists. It's by some guy named T.W. Jackson who admits that he has no training (or education) in any form of psychology or therapy, but through his own experience he has the 'secrets' to winning back your ex, attracting women, stopping divorce, etc. He's even got this hysterical testimonial video where he just shows screen shots of emails that say things like "I Got Him Back!". He also has posts on fake blogs touting his effectiveness written by 'strangers' who apparently write anonymous blogs.

I admit it, he's brilliant. Oh, not as a relationship expert, but as a scam artist. Wow. Lonely, desperate people paying forty bucks for bogus advice.

Want some advice, for free?
For instant relief for the pain of a break up, drink until you pass out.
How can you win them back, even if they are with someone else right now? You can't. They've moved on, get over it.
What should you do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages? STOP CALLING!

But his advertisement did start me thinking, I need a scam. I have no experience, qualifications or training, so I could 'help' people too!

I'm not sure what my scam will be. I was thinking I could contact the Nigerian scam people and offer to edit and proofread their scam emails. They always use such bad grammar that you can totally tell it's not real - okay, most people can tell, but obviously there are a few people too ignorant or greedy to see through their cunning ruse. I know that if I had to get millions of dollars out of the bank that my dead husband had left, but I needed a few measly thousand to pay the fees or whatever, I would send emails to random strangers asking them for help and promising them a great share of the profits. And I'd write it so badly with poor broken English, even though I am a doctor or the wife of a diplomat, because I'm obviously too distraught to spell check.

Maybe I'll be a self-help guru.

I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO WORK FROM HOME! FOR ONLY $19.95, I'LL GIVE YOU THE SECRET OF HOW TO WORK FROM HOME AND MAKE MONEY!
(Hint: You quit your job and you sell scams for $19.95)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, ACT NOW AND I'LL INCLUDE MY GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS METHOD!
(Eat less, exercise more.)

Obviously, to paraphrase P.T. Barnum, there is a sucker born every minute, and you can reach them all through the Internet.