Walk a Mile in My Flip-Flops

So the Graminator had to be hospitalized with a subdural hematoma (okay, it was actually an epdiural hematoma, but since most people are familiar with the 'subdural' phrase, let's not get too technical, okay?

The hematoma is a bleeding in the brain. When our brains get older, they become a lot like a walnut in a shell. When young. the walnut is nice and plump and meaty and fills the whole shell. When we get old, the brain shrinks up a bit, like an old walnut and can rattle around a bit in there. Sometimes if the brain rattles a bit too much, a weaker vein or artery can break and cause bleeding in the brain. Most of the time they can't pinpoint what event actually caused the bleeding. Most likely a fall. The Graminator did fall a few weeks ago but we didn't think it was serious or that she hit her head, although to be honest, at the time I was far more concerned with broken bones, since the last time she fell she broke her pelvis. But like whiplash, it doesn't take much to rattle an 89 year old brain, so the fall is our best guess as to how it occurred.

Now this bleeding was most likely very slow an occurred over several weeks. But how we noticed was that she slowed up a bit, was a little wobbly, then she seemed to have trouble chewing and swallowing, then a bit of muscle weakness on her left side. Now keep in mind that she is 89 with moderately severe Alzheimer's. Slowing down seems, well, normal. Difficulty chewing and swallowing is a sign that her Alzheimer's is progressing to the next stage. And while the muscle weakness was a concern to me, she was lucid, able to communicate and did still have function on her left side. Since she sleeps on her left side, we thought she might have slept wrong and pinched a nerve or something. Still, these were enough of a concern that when we really noticed them on Sunday night, we called the doctor first thing on Monday. And have you ever tried calling an HMO on a Monday morning? It's probably easier to get the Vatican on the phone. But I finally got through and got her an appointment for Tuesday morning.

When she got up on Tuesday she was actually better. Less muscle weakness and a little more stability. But we took her to the doctor anyway. The doctor (whom I will admit, I don't like very well. She used to have an AWESOME doctor who has now been promoted to the head of the whole HMO. This new doctor, well, let's just say she doesn't have the most compassionate bedside manner I've ever seen. Frankly, she's a robot with a really bitchy nurse) told us that these were signs of a stroke and that we should have taken her immediately to the ER. She called the ER and told them we were on the way.

Now, I don't want the Graminator to be admitted to the hospital if it is at all possible to avoid it. She has only two to three days in the hospital before she is so weak, confused, disoriented and agitated that her recovery is greatly imperiled. So I took her to the ER with great trepidation. The triage nurse at the ER also chastised me for not bringing her to the ER when we first noticed the symptoms.

OKAY PEOPLE, LISTEN UP: Spend a month or so taking care of her and then tell me how to do my job. Wipe her ass on a daily basis. Get her to eat more than two bites. Lift her in and out of the shower. I spend 24/7 with this woman, looking after every function, to ensure she is safe, happy and healthy. Since she got out of the hospital the last time (where, after only two weeks, she had pneumonia, a huge bedsore, a staph infection, wasn't given her proper medications and couldn't walk) I have had her care for the last two years in which she has GAINED weight, walks daily, reads her paper most days and has maintained her health at a good level, all while having a debilitating, and eventually fatal, brain disease. So if I'm not perfect, I'm still doing one hell of a job, while giving up pretty much every semblance of a private life. I haven't been to the movies in over a year. I never hang out with friends. What little time I do have for myself is devoted to running my business. I buy her food, diapers, bed pads, meal supplements, pretty much everything but her medications, for which I am reimbursed (for my time and supplies) the princely sum of $800 a month. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. If she were in a nursing home, that would cost more than $800 A DAY.

So when she exhibited a change in behavior that was concerning, but not severe, I made the reasonable move to take her to the doctor. Should I have rushed her to the ER? Maybe. But the same symptoms that indicated to the doctor a possible stroke, could easily have been simply due to age and Alzheimer's. In fact, as one ER doctor told me, if I had rushed her to the ER before her symptoms started to resolve (by Wednesday her functions were at 98% of baseline) they probably would have given her unnecessary medications and brain surgery. Instead, because the bleeding had stopped and was in fact healing, they kept her for observation and repeat CT's then released her HOME. So I'm not saying that I did the right thing, just that I did the very best I could under the circumstances.

So please, while it's really easy to armchair quarterback, please keep in mind that we are all human. No one is perfect. Most of us are just doing the best we can. There is a way to educate and inform without the sanctimonious, judgemental crap. I'm just saying.