Underrated Movies

I read another blog where a woman wrote about movies. Most of the movies she reviewed were not popular films, her choices were more like older and foreign films. Now I love older films (love, love, LOVE classic Bette Davis films like Jezebel, Now, Voyager and All This and Heaven Too) and I adore foreign films - please see Adam's Apples (available on Netflix and playing on the Sundance channel) and Reprise (in limited release but sure to be on DVD at some point). But I also love films that are, perhaps, a little less lofty in their aspirations. I love films that entertain, with no higher purpose than that.

On this particular blog, the author had a list of her most underrated movies. One of these movies was The Rapture, starring Mimi Rogers. Now I will never criticize another person's choices because movies speak to each viewer differently. But I hated The Rapture. I have seen it twice because I thought I'd give it a second chance. But I still hated it. It didn't speak to me. And that's okay. There have been lots of films that millions of people have loved that I didn't (The English Patient? Ugh. Knocked Up? So completely unbelievable to me and I so don't relate) But it got me thinking about films I liked that I don't think got any attention. So I am paying homage to those films by spreading the word. These are films I enjoy. I'd love for others to enjoy them too. But if you don't like them, that's cool by me. I'd love to hear your choices too!


The film I'm recommending today is Bride and Prejudice. I love it because it combines two of my favorite things, Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and Bollywood. For those who are unfamiliar with Bollywood, it's a style of film making from India (which makes way more films each year than Hollywood does). Some of the key components in Bollywood films are bright costumes, large musical numbers, guest musical performances and the heroine never kisses the hero. I love these films because they are a lot like my beloved Elvis musicals of the early sixties, and I love the sweet, simple stories like Elvis in Clambake, Spinout and Viva Las Vegas.

Bride and Prejudice follows these Bollywood traditions with an added Western flair. Directed by Gurwinder Chada of Bend It Like Beckham fame (another great film, and starring the ever so handsome Irishman Jonathan Rhys-Myers) and written by her husband Paul Mayeda Berges, B&P is a comedic retelling of the Austen classic.

Acclaimed Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai (once named the most beautiful woman in the world) stars as Lalita (the Lizzie Bennett character) and Martin Henderson plays Mr. Darcy. It's a charming adaptation which spans the globe from India to London to California. The India locals are beautiful and I'd love to go visit some day. The costumes are wonderful and the musical numbers are well incorporated. If you are a fan of either Jane Austen or the Bollywood style, you'll love the films. If you just love romantic comedies and/or musicals then you should check it out as well. Available on DVD and running occasionally on cable on the Starz network.



Got a favorite film that you think is underrated dear readers? Let me know. I'll accept guest columns for this ongoing series. Next time I'll review my favorite Melanie Griffith film (who knew that was even possible!)

Updates and Choices

Okay, I had to go to the doctor again this week. For those of you who know my aversion to doctors this is a HUGE thing. But after the first round of antibiotics, I wasn't all better. My pink eye is gone, thank heavens, but I was still hacking and stuff. I felt better but not well. Then yesterday I had an even worse sore throat and my ear was hurting too and I just couldn't take it so I went back to the doc. She said my sinus infection hadn't cleared and so I'm on a new round of antibiotics. This one has a lovely possible side effect of my flesh falling off. I'm not kidding. It's rare but not so rare that both the doctor and the pharmacist emphasised to me the need to watch for any skin conditions. Ick. But I supposed any antibiotic that can strip your skin from your bones should kill my sinus infection, right? And isn't it great that now that I'm poor and unemployed I get sick and have to go to the doctor a bunch? Yay for me.

So my head still isn't in the game, writing wise. It's tough because I've fallen behind my self imposed goals. But I'm not doing my novel justice. So this week I have set my novel aside and I am working on my cookbook. I have a lot of dreams to accomplish in my 'year of writing dangerously' so I can't waste time. So I'll work on the cookbook. It's tentatively titled "Cooking Outside Your Comfort Zone" and it's for home cooks who want to branch out and learn about different ingredients and techniques to make themselves more adventurous cooks. It's been cool because my family is willing to eat all of the things I'm inventing for the book and now my brother and his fiancee are trying some of my recipes and techniques themselves (which is the whole point of the cookbook, so it's already working, sort of). So I don't look it as a step back to work on the cookbook, just a choice to not waste any of the precious time I have.

Gotta go back to work. Wish me luck that this antibiotic works (and doesn't give me flesh eating disease!)

Movie Time

Okay, so here are my weekend movie reviews:

Death at a Funeral - A British comedy about a man named Daniel who's is dealing with his wife, his life, and his crazy friends and family all during the funeral of his father. Somebody I was talking to said it wasn't a British comedy because Frank Oz directed it. Well, Frank Oz is British (who knew Miss Piggy was English bacon?) And the writer of the film is British and most of the cast is British. So it's a British comedy. I love British comedies but this one was just a bit over the top. The Brits love to throw together a whole circus full of crazy characters and have them do a whole bunch of zany things as a way of exposing their foibles and insecurities. Most of the times this works because they stop just short of utter ridiculousness. But DAAF takes it all the way over the top. We're talking toilet humor and naked people and midgets here. Makes me glad I'll die in the good old USA. I loved the cast (although what was up with Matthew MacFayden's hair? He was so cute as Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice and so pudding-faced and nebbishy here) and some of the setups were really pretty funny. But after a while you felt like crying "give me a break!" I loved the house in the film though, especially the picture gallery in the stairwell. If I ever have a country manor, I'm gonna do that in my house.


I Am Legend - Gosh darn it, Will Smith is a great actor. He was alone for huge chunks of this movie and he carried it off beautifully. I could read a huge range of emotions on his face and it was brilliant. There is a scene between Will and a female mannequin (yes, I said mannequin) in a video store late in the movie that will break your heart. Will is a doctor and seemingly the last alive after a virus destroys civilization. I fast forwarded through the 'zombie' scenes because I was afraid it was going to be some gory 'zombie' film but it wasn't and I could have watched them at regular speed. I liked the film and appreciated the fact that the not-so-distant future wasn't depicted as a horrible place so foreign to what we know. (Well, except for that whole "hey, we can cure cancer, whoops, maybe we actually just made a virus that if it doesn't kill you makes you a flesh eating zombie" thing - shame on you Emma Thompson, how could you do that to us?) See it for Will Smith, and check out the artwork in his post apocalyptic pad.


I also watched the MTV Movie Awards. Now normally I like these tongue-in-cheek awards for their clever movie send-ups and I was looking forward to Mike Meyers as host. But this show must have been written by scatologically-obsessed eleven year old boys. They were crude, gross and unfunny. (The greatest sin of all is unfunny.) Watching Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey do "Wayne's World" again was actually painful - and again, unfunny. The only good moment was Adam Sandler's receiving the MTV Generation Award (So named because giving a 'lifetime achievement award' to a guy who is in his early forties is just weird). It was funny and charming, although Tom Cruise's intro made me wonder if he's ever even met Adam Sandler before, plus he had way too much spray tan and seemed to be channeling John Edwards (the former presidential candidate, not the psychic) with his strange white shirt and blue sweater combo. Tom Cruise is rapidly becoming a freak right before my eyes and I never thought I'd say that about 'Maverick'. On the other hand, a clean shaven Johnny Depp must be preparing to remake "21 Jump Street" because he looked about nineteen years old. Gosh was he hot. Maybe it's just because I missed clean cut Johnny under all the weird makeup he's been wearing for a while but he looked ever so good last night. Now if he'd just move away from France...

Okay, I gotta go write some novel now, have a great day and I'll see you at the movies!

Starting Over

Since I didn't get my book finished in May (due to being so sick for the past two weeks) I get to restart today. I'm looking at it as being ahead of the curve for June instead of being for May (glass half full). Thanks to the writers in the Book in a Month club who have been so supportive (Dyann Hunter, Maura Prenty and Tammy Buckner). You guys rock!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW INFORMATION ABOUT THIS FILM AND ITS KEY THEMES, ELEMENTS AND SCENES.

Okay, the only venture out I had over the past ten days during my illness was with my family to go see the latest Indiana Jones movie. I haven't been to the movies in forever so I jumped (okay, I was sick so I just walked slowly) at the chance to go see this film.

First let me say that if you can suspend all belief in logic, this is a fun film,
a great Saturday afternoon popcorn fest. That is what the original Indiana Jones was supposed to be. There is no way to hear the theme music without feeling a little rush of excitement. And I can forgive it a little hokiness because of it's past. I think it's best to go to see it with your tongue firmly in cheek. Just go enjoy the ride and don't think about it...because once you start thinking about it the entire movie falls apart.

The movie starts out with Indiana being kidnapped by the bad guys (the KGB this time instead of the Nazis, it's 1957, the heart of the Cold War) headed by Cate Blanchett, who does a Russian accent to do Boris and Natasha proud. She's hunting Area 51 for a little package from Roswell, New Mexico. (Ironic in a way since they filmed the Nevada scenes in New Mexico) Indy escapes her evil clutches (she does escape with the little green man) in some great action sequences only to find himself in the middle of a nuclear test. Fortunately he hides in a lead lined refrigerator and escapes the blast (hey, I told you that you have to suspend all belief). Then follows a completely stupid and superfluous scene I wanted to shoot the writers for. It's a scene where the J. Edgar Hoover FBI interrogates Indy for possible Commie ties and some General defends Indy's honor. We learn that since we last saw our intrepid hero he worked for the OSS during the war, distinguished himself as a hero and hates the Red Menace with a passion. Duh, like we thought Indy was a Communist sympathiser. This little scene totally was unnecessary and pointless. It was suggested to me that this scene was necessary for exposition. Rubbish. The exposition could have been handled smoother and less out of context in other scenes. This one was pure BS.



We meet Mutt (Shia LaBeouf) when he comes to ask Indy for help to rescue his mom. He arrives looking just like Marlon Brando in The Wild Ones, hat and all. (I couldn't find a picture of him with the hat but I swear I laughed out loud when he first arrived on screen. It was really funny). Of course Indy will help this young man. (SPOILER: Even Helen Keller could have figured out Mutt's parentage. Why must the writers assume we are stupid...and worse, why do they assume Indy is so stupid?) So off they go to save Marion, Professor Oxley and find the crystal skull.

After a trip to South America, Mutt and Indy meet up with their friends (and those evil Commies) there is the requisite amount of chase, fight, chase, fight, chase scenes along with our heroes in peril - Indy and Marion in quicksand, a horrifying scene with huge ants that makes you want to buy an industrial can of Raid and a completely unbelievable boat ride over not one, not two but three giant waterfalls. I dare you not to laugh out loud when Mutt swings through the jungle from vine to vine like Tarzan, joining the monkeys as they swing by. Apparently even monkeys hate the Communists since they only attack the bad guys.

SPOILER: Finally our intrepid band arrives at the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which is alien in origin and devolves the story into 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'. I wish they ad gone a different way, but I guess when you have ILM at your disposal you need lots of special effects. Bad guys die, the greedy get their just rewards (i.e. none), Oxley comes out of his alien induced stupor and Indy mumbles the lamest line ever, "Their treasure wasn't gold, it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure." Really? Seriously? I want those writers brought up on charges.

The movie ends sweetly with Indy marrying Marion and Mutt ALMOST picking up the Indy mantle (hmm, obvious set up for future sequels maybe?)

Really, if you just shut your brain off, it's a fun ride, if a little long. I'm glad the brought back Karen Allen to pair off the older but no less distinguished Harrison Ford instead of some twenty five year old. I loved the call backs to the earlier films (damaged crate containing the Arc of the Covenant anyone?) I missed Denholm Elliott but there was a lovely tribute to him by Indy and a funny scene with the head of his statue. I still am not sure how Sean Connery wasn't in the film (didn't he drink from the Holy Grail? Isn't he immortal?) I wish they had Indy acknowledge his age a little bit more but he is still awesome and Harrison Ford made me believe it. I guess that what I wanted most was that if they wanted me to buy the whole premise they had given me the wink, wink, nudge, nudge, hey we know it's hokey, just go along for the ride. But they took parts so seriously that I wasn't sure if they wanted to to laugh or not.

Final recommendation? Go see it if you have a free afternoon to eat popcorn and veg out. Don't get wrapped up in wanting a story or logic. Enjoy the ride then immediately forget it so that you don't question it. And laugh at the funny parts, people! (intentional or not)

I May Live!

Okay, even on the antibiotics I've still felt pretty awful but each day I hope that I will get better. This morning I woke up and actually feel like I might live (unlike previous mornings where death felt like a viable, an even welcome, option.) My throat still hurts, I'm still coughing and my ears still hurt (wait, that doesn't sound better) but it's a little less that it was. My eye is definitely better, I no longer look like something out of a horror film. So now that I am ready to rejoin the land of the living, I guess it's back to work. I lost more than a week of writing time so I'll have to bust hump to get back up to speed. Hopefully I'll be down to one nap a day while I finish recovering. This has been the sickest I've felt in more years than I can remember. I hope you don't get it loyal readers. Stay well, and stay tuned!

I Wasn't Imagining It

Turns out I wasn't whining for nothing. I ended up at the clinic at Walgreen's this morning because my cold seemed to be getting worse instead of better and I had a bad case of pink eye. Turns out I had a raging sinus infection and conjunctivitis from the infection. Now I'm on antibiotics and am hoping for a speedy recovery. And yea, I look like something out of a horror film, it's truly awful.

Moving On

I'm still sick but I'm trying not to whine about it any more (although I want it on records that this is the worst.cold.ever.) I am trying to overcome the seven dwarfs syndrome (where I feel sleepy, sneezy, grumpy, coughy, hacky, doped and off).

In other news....

I'm sad about Ted Kennedy's brain tumor. I hope it's treatable. I think he has been an amazing force (even if he's not my favorite Kennedy).

I read four books over the last four days. Being sick is good for that. (And most daytime TV is awful).



I want to date the Take Home Chef, Curtis Stone. He's hot, he can cook and he's got that adorable accent. He can pick me up at the supermarket anytime!


I love how nice it is outside today. It's so cool. Can we keep it,can we, huh, can we? ( I so dread the triple digit heat.)

Okay, I have to go off and get well. I'm going to attempt to venture into the world for a couple of minutes today - if you see an icky drippy girl, keep a wide berth.

If I'm Getting Better Why Do I Still Feel Like Crap?

Okay, I'm being a really big baby about being sick and I ain't gettin' no sympathy. (Don't you think my title sounds like a country song?) I am now coughing so much I couldn't sleep last night and so when my dog woke me up to go outside I kicked her out and shut the door instead of going out with her like I usually do. Figured I'd show her, right? So after I went to the bathroom and changed my pajamas (since I coughed so much I spit up on my first set) I went to let her back in...except no Java. I couldn't yell for her since I have lost my voice so I went into the back yard and noticed...the back gate was wide open. Yesterday must have been meter read day and the meter reader didn't shut the gate all the way, and the wind last night whipped the gate open. So I ran tearing through the gate, hoarsely calling for my dog, who I thankfully spotted halfway down the block, pooping on somebody's lawn. Fortunately she came when she saw me. I love my dog very much but she's as dumb as dirt and is too stupid to ever find her way home when she gets out which is why I never let her out by herself. So who exactly did I show up in this example? So now it's 7:15 am, I'm home and crying and upset at the world and everyone in it. And I ate a popsicle to soothe my throat and calm down. My family loves me (I think, although just to be safe, let's not ask them today) but they are getting really tired of my bitching and whining. Meanwhile my mom is cleaning house like a whirling dervish and I feel like a complete and utter waste and a human being. And I still feel like crap! I want to get better and I want to quit being a baby about not feeling good.

Okay, rant about illness and my awful day over. Get back to your healthful, meaningful lives.

How Does a Hermit Catch a Cold?

Okay, I don't technically qualify as a hermit since I do venture out into public but I'm still not sure how I ended up so sick yesterday that I stayed in bed for nearly 36 hours. Ugh. I would say it was a head cold but I had a major fever. A fever so bad that I turned all of the air conditioning off in my part of the house and I was still under the covers with my teeth chattering. I had to let the dog out (some things can't wait just because you are sick) and it felt so good outside then when I came in it was freezing (and again, there was no air conditioner on and it was a record heat wave.) I hate being sick, I'm a big baby and I though that since my mom was here she would baby me but no, apparently she didn't want to get close to 'Typhoid Mary". But today my head no longer feels like it's in a vice grip and while I am coughing up some disgusting looking lung bits I think I'm on the road to recovery. More later when I can sit upright for more than ten minutes at a stretch.

Busy Day

Today we have the first read through on a new sketch comedy show. New series, new actors. I'm excited. Comedy is hard to write solo. You need reaction to see if a joke works. So it will be good to hear it, see what words (and what doesn't) and to start tweaking it. I can't wait. But there is lots to do beforehand, like get set up, go to the store and get water/snacks (although I made some great chocolate banana cupcakes...I'll have to post to Gourmand Girl my adventures in cupcake land.)
In other updates, writing going well, book is progressing nicely, had a great new idea for a script yesterday, and the cookbook is slowly taking shape. A fellow writer, Dyann Hunter, (I hope she doesn't mind my linking you to her blog, it's great) invited me to a meeting of the Romance Writers of America (the Las Vegas Chapter, Cactus Rose). I'm excited because I have heard a lot of romance writers thank this organization and it's members for their support and encouragement. Yay!
Okay, I gotta go, my busy day is already underway and I can't go to the read through naked (that's not comedy, that's horror!) More to follow, loyal readers!

Appreciate It

My mom and I were talking last night and she said that she didn't realize how happy she was in her twenties until she was in her fifties. It got me to thinking. Now I don't think I had an awesome time when I was younger because I was going through an awkward and geeky phase (which continues to this day but that's another story.) But there are some things I do miss about my youth.

1. Jack in the Box Supreme Nachos - They were horrible for you, but so good. I ate them all through high school. I would get them at lunch and what I didn't finish I would save in my locker and eat after school. Yes, nachos that sat for hours. I know, it's completely disgusting. But I had a cast iron stomach when I was sixteen. (I still have the cast iron stomach but now I have the brains not to do that anymore.)

2. Insomnia - Yes, I know it's weird to miss insomnia but when I get it now I look and feel like I had insomnia. When I was nineteen it was no big deal. I could stay up all night watching old movies on late night TV and still function the next day. Plus my best friend Melissa had insomnia then too so we would talk on the phone at three in the morning. Sometimes we would even go to a local casino and eat breakfast at four am. One time we were sold by a pimp to two gentlemen from out of town. We had to inform these men that we had never seen that man before and that they were ripped off. Man were we offended...and flattered. He sold us for a lot of money. Trust me, no one today is going to pay that kind of money for me.

3. Friday nights - God I lived for those. Going out with my friends plus all of the preparation that went into going out with my friends. (Endless 'what are you going to wear" and 'where are we going' conversations.) Now a big Friday night involves Netflix. God, I'm pathetic.

4. Friends - Oh, I still have friends. But back then we were all pretty much single and there was always somebody to call if you wanted to go to the mall or the movies or whatever. Now all of my friends are married or have kids or whatever and going out now involves planning and timing and babysitters. It's never spur of the moment. Hence my Netflix extravaganzas.

5. Not worrying about my skin - Okay, I was pretty lucky and never had bad skin when I was a teen. Sure I got the occasional pimple (and still do, dammit) but I didn't worry about moisturizer and sunscreen and under eye cream and wrinkles and crows feet and the ravages of time. But now, whew, it seems like an obsession. I check out all the latest stuff to make my skin younger, dewier, fresher, more elastic. And I know it's just going to get worse. Ditto for gray hair.

Of course, I am a better person today. I'm more secure in who I am. I care less about what other people think. I'm a better driver. The friends I have today can be counted on forever. I'm a better cook. I know what I want and I know how to work hard to get it. So I don't think I would go back (no regrets). But I do miss those nachos.

Shows I Loved #2

Ah, Fame, we are going to live forever.

Another show I absolutely adored. I had a crush on Lee Curreri. I sent him fan mail. I got back an autographed picture. I kissed it, a lot. (Again, I was eleven, you do weird things like that when you are a kid. Right? Right?!?

I still want to go to that high school.

Shows I Loved

Okay, I saw another blog where some guy just had opening credits to shows. Some of the shows I remembered and that got me thinking about obscure shows I loved. Here is my first.

"Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"..not the movie (although that was great) nope, this is the short lived television series. I had a major crush on River Phoenix when this was on. I think I was 10 or 11. I loved this so much. Seven hot guys. Check it out.

Recognize anyone?

Yup, that's Richard Dean Anderson, pre-MacGyver. And Peter Horton, pre-Thirtysomething. And Drake Hogestyn pre-Days of Our Lives. Not to mention River. I wish I could find episodes of this show. They just don't make western musical TV shows anymore (and it's quick cancellation is probably why.) Yes, there were musical numbers in this drama show. [Totally random trivia note: The girl that played Hannah and the guy that played Evan were in the movie version of "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." She played a ho and he played a Texas A&M football player. Yes, my brain is filled with really bizarre tidbits like that"] All the brothers were named alphabetically, as they were in the film, but their names were modernized: Adam, Brian, Cade, Daniel, Evan, Ford and Guthrie. No, I didn't have to look it up. I could probably cure cancer if my brain wasn't already full of all this useless crap!

Here are the end credits for your viewing pleasure. I'm going to go dream of what could have been between me and River.

Tuesday Musings

Sorry no blog yesterday. I was on a good jag writing my novel yesterday (over 10 pages) and when the muse is with you, you gotta stick with it.


In the news today, a young woman from Texas won the state TEAM track title...by herself. (See story for all of the details) Talk about an impressive athlete. She is going to be a force to be reckoned with. I'm sure we will see her on a box of Wheaties someday. You go girl!

Everyone is calling for Hillary Clinton to quit the race for president, even though she is set to win in West Virginia. They say it's because of party unity. Okay people, this is America, it's called DEMOCRACY, where everyone who wants to be president can be (providing of course they are constitutionally eligible). Let her run if she wants to. There is really only one solution I see as far as 'party unity' and 'electability' in November. It must be an Obama/Clinton ticket. (Yes, I put Obama as president, I'm just calling it like I see it, not like I necessarily would like it to be. I was an Edwards supporter). There just isn't another ticket that will work. When people are split so decisively you will alienate the half that don't win. So by putting them both on the ticket, everyone sort of wins. And I think it would beat the McClain/Whoever ticket. What a historic ticket that would be. (Of course, with a black man as president and a woman as vice president I think an asteroid would hurtle towards Earth, but that's the chance you take.)

"Dancing with the Stars" is winding down for the season and I'm still hoping Marissa Jaret Winokur is in for the finals. I don't think she will win but you have to root for the five foot tall chubby girl. C'mon, if Marie Osmond could make it to the finals last year, let's give Marissa a shot. I'm pretty sure Kristi Yamaguchi will win but I don't think that's fair since she has been basically dancing on ice skates her whole life. The should have to handicap these things. But nobody asked my opinion so all I can do is vote.

It's windy today, but nice and cool The high should only be around eighty degrees which is fabulous for mid-May. I dread the triple digit heat but I know it's coming. But the longer we delay it, the better, in my opinion.


Okay, that covers sports, politics, entertainment and weather. Covering your world, it's ShaeNews!

Mother's Day Part Deux

Motherhood, in my opinion, is not about giving birth. I say this because the woman who gave birth to me is not my mother. I am grateful that she had me but she's not my mother. My mother is the woman who raised me, who made my homecoming dress, who cleaned up after I threw up from the top of my bunk bed when I was ten, who made me a whipped cream and peach cake when I was twelve because I decided that was what I wanted (even though my birthday is in September, long after fresh peaches are available), who can tell you the name of my first boyfriend and the woman who taught me to be the woman I am today. Not that I'm as close to sainthood as she is, I would have to spend the rest of my life devoted to charity work to be half as good as she is, but I try.

My mother has raised me since I was a little girl and been my best friend since day one. After my father died we talked about her adopting me. (Actually, we had talked about it for years, but we knew my birth mother would never agree.) We finalized the adoption in January of 2003. In April of 2003 she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. We had already been through a series of horrible trails in our lives (they say God tests you with these trials but I think next He should test me with great wealth and happiness because I've certainly had my share of the yucky stuff!). She joked that, now that she had cancer, I would regret my decision to be her adopted daughter.

Mommy, I will never regret being your daughter. I am more grateful for you than I am for anything else in my life. I would have gladly changed places with you when you were sick. I don't know what my Father did to make you fall in love with him but I'm sure glad he did. Whatever guardian angel I had was certainly looking out for me when he brought you into my life. I never understood how people could argue with their moms or not get along with them. Sure, we disagree sometimes and I'm sure we frustrate each other occasionally (we are human after all, at least I am) but you have always listened to me and respected me and I really appreciate that. I loved being able to come home after school and telling you about my day. I loved learning all of the practical things in life from you. And I loved having the opportunity to see you grow into a stronger, more confident woman than you were when Daddy was alive. You are a constant source of inspiration to me. I love you no matter what. I know Will and I make fun of your quirky ways (the left hand turn can be tricky) but it's one of the things I love most about our family, how much time we spend together, just laughing.

This year you will have been in remission for five years. I think God every day that I still have you. I don't know what I would do without you. And I want to make a success out of my life more for you than for myself. You are so wonderful (and you kick our butts at Wii!) Thank you, for all that you are and for all that you have given, always unselfishly. And I love you.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's out there.

You are awesome. It takes more than love to raise a child, it takes patience, perseverance, dedication, honesty, and the ability to take a whole lot of crap and keep going. Thank you. I know we don't say it enough, but we really are grateful. They say that labor is hard work but it's after the kid is born that the hard work begins. I don't know how you do it, but thank God you do.

Know that you are loved and appreciated far more than words can ever express.

Wedding Bell Blues

Okay, so most of you know that my bother, Will is marrying Val next year. Almost exactly next year since the current plan is for them to get married in May 2009 (Memorial Day weekend). So that started me thinking about weddings, right? Plus I'm a romance novelist which naturally leads to thoughts of love and weddings. And I have been watching "A Wedding Story" on TLC in the mornings (it's on the HD channels from 8-9 and then I turn off the TV and start writing). So I have been listening to happy stories and seeing happy couples and witnessing weddings. And it's starting to get to me. Mostly because I am still pathetically single, despite my obvious charm, wit, intelligence and cooking ability (References available upon request.)

I love weddings (see here). They make me so happy. I was a bridal consultant for a while and I loved the planning and buying and prepping. There are so many kinds of weddings and ways to get married that it's like candy land for someone like me. Although, most people opt for the traditional. So I have been thinking that in the mythical realm where I could possibly get married, what would I want?

On "A Wedding Story" I have seen lots of different weddings but the whole princess thing seems to be really popular. It's not my style (plus big butts do not look great in tons of tulle). Although I do like the tiara idea. I would wear a tiara around my house if I though I could get away with it. Not because I want to be a princess but because I think it would be fun to live my life knowing that even if I'm wearing sweats and scrubbing the toilet I can still wear a crown. Plus tiara's are all sparkly and I like bright shiny objects. There are also a lot of medieval themed weddings. I think that's a lousy idea since women in medieval times were really just chattel. Plus making your future husband wear tights and tunic seems cruel (although if he's willing to put up with that you pretty much have him whipped on day one.) Also, those "thees and thous" sound incredibly pretentious in a wedding vow. Ditto for pirate weddings, although those are at least a bit more macho.

Destination weddings are cool but you have to have friends and family wiling to go wherever it is you want to get married and to be able to afford that financially. I would do a destination wedding and just tell all my family and guests to skip buying me any presents and just enjoy themselves. If you bought a plane ticket and hotel room to come see me get married, you have already given the greatest gift possible. One couple got married on a cruise ship and all their guests went along on the cruise. That's neat, but I bet it's pricey.

I also think about what kind of wedding dress I would have in my imaginary wedding. Something really simple. I looked online at wedding dresses yesterday (yes, I was screwing around instead of writing, we writers are great at procrastination!) and I determined that there is nothing out there for me. I would have to design my own dress. Big girls shouldn't wear huge dresses, it's just not flattering. I'm not knocking you if you want to look like a giant snowball cupcake on your wedding day, you go for it. I just wouldn't do it. Plus those dresses are really expensive. I don't want to pay more for a dress that I'll wear one time than I did for my first three cars combined. I admire people who can look at those price tags and say, hey, this is my wedding and this is what I want and I'll just buckle down and do it. As for me, I'd better hope that if my mythical husband comes along they start selling wedding dresses at Ross.

Mostly I would care about the cake (I've been watching "Ace of Cakes" too). I think taste is way more important than looks when it comes to cake. I hate fondant. I know, it looks all nice and smooth and everything but it tastes terrible and most of the times you have to rip it off the cake before you can serve it anyway. Yummy cake, that's all I care about. And no cake smashing in any one's face, its awful and disrespectful and a big waste of good cake.

Okay, so now that I am even more depressed about my unwed state than before, what's your dream wedding? (If it's a fondant-covered, pirate-themed, dress-as-big-as "Gone with the Wind" kind, my apologies if I offended you.) And if you already had your dream wedding send me pictures. I love to live vicariously. Now I gotta go, I think "Cash Cab" is on, er, I mean, I gotta go get some writing done.

How Do They Get Away With It?

Okay, so last night my mom saved me part of the paper so that I could read an article about the Retro Bakery, a new establishment trying to give The Cupcakery a run for it's money.

Now I tried The Cupcakery when it opened its location on Lake Mead and Rock Springs. It's close to my house. So I was a little disappointed that it wasn't cuter inside. But I bought six cupcakes to bring home and try. And while they weren't awful, they weren't very good either. And they were $2.50 a piece! (A check of the website now shows them to be $2.75 a piece) The 'Strawberry Shortcake" was so overly artificially sweetened and artificially colored that I couldn't eat the frosting (and I am a HUGE frosting fanatic!) All of their cupcakes were dry and their icings were mostly just piped on. What a racket I thought, selling cupcakes made gosh knows when, frozen, then defrosted when needed with huge heavy icings on top. (Again, I am a fan of the huge heavy icing, if it's good.) At $30 bucks a dozen I figure they are making a ginormous profit.

So I decided to check out the website for Retro Bakery. Their cupcakes retail for $2.50 a piece. Their flavors were more plain that The Cupcakery (if that's possible). The only ones that intrigued me were the "Hop Scotch" (their best seller, a vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream that is then dipped in butterscotch ganache) and the "Chocolate Covered Banana" (chocolate cake with banana buttercream dipped in chocolate ganache and sprinkled with nuts). Again, I found the price outrageous, but not as outrageous as their offer to turn any flavor into a full sized cake for only $45.00. What?!? You already have the batter laying around! At most, even in the overpriced world you are living in, it should be about the same as a dozen cupcakes. Now to be fair, I haven't eaten at Retro Bakery. They may be much better cupcakes (one would hope). They may be the best cupcakes you have ever eaten. And for $2.50 a piece, they should be. They should be such good cupcakes that you orgasm immediately following ingestion. They should send you into rapture. (Instead of just a diabetic coma).

Right after I read the article in the paper I read a bit in the latest issue of Bon Appetit about the cupcake craze in the L.A. area with descriptions of some of it's cupcakeries. The prices in L.A. are the same or a bit higher. Their bakeries were a bit more upscale both in curb appeal and ingredients, using the 'best' chocolate, etc. So I'm not blaming Retro Bakery or The Cupcakery for trying to keep up their high prices, but let me say this...I can make a much better cupcake for a much lower price. And that's as a home baker. I don't even get the benefit of their bulk purchases of ingredients, etc. And I can invent some outrageous flavors too! Tiramisu cupcakes anyone? How about Mojito cupcakes? Tres leche? I could do it for $1.25 a cupcake, with delivery! I swear, I'm going to open my own bakery one day and sell the most delicious cupcakes and brownies ever, and they will be worth the reasonable price I would charge! Okay, let's add that to my list of dreams. In the meantime, I'll be experimenting with flavors - let me know if you have a flavor you think I should try to make. If it works, I'll name it after you!

Dream Vacation

I'd like to see the world. Lots of it. And if I had the money, in style would be nice too.

I haven't been that many places and most of the time it's definitely on a budget. We went on a cruise once, that was nice because it was all expenses paid. But most of the time I've had to worry about not spending too much money. The vacations were still nice and I would still travel on the cheap anytime I could.

A friend is on vacation in Hawaii and it looks like a dream trip. Exclusive hotel, fine food, incredible excursions. It looks fabulous and I am very happy for them, it looks like the trip of a lifetime. My boss went on an Alaskan cruise last year that looked so wonderful, the year before that to Boston and this year on a cruise to see the fall foliage in New England. How wonderful. These are trips that I can only dream about at this point, but I plan them in my head all the time. When my book is published I'm going to take a trip to England and Ireland. Hey, it's a Regency novel, I should visit where I'm writing about, right? (Okay, without a time machine it's not exactly possible to visit where I'm writing about but it's close.) I'd love to attend the writer's conference in Austin, Texas this fall but a financial windfall probably needs to come my way for that to be truly possible. (I really need to increase my lottery budget.)

Mostly my travel plans this year were to take my mother somewhere for her birthday in September. It's a big birthday (she would kill me for telling you which one) plus it will be the fifth anniversary of her remission from cancer so I really want to celebrate these important milestones. I was thinking (based on my budget) that if I could get a grandma-sitter that I would like to take her on a cruise, even if it just had to be one of those short ones to Mexico. Then, the other night, I was telling her about my friends Hawaiian vacation and how wonderful it sounded. She didn't seem impressed. In fact, she was downright negative. She said that didn't appeal to her at all. I tried different scenarios and she rejected all of them. Finally, in exasperation, I asked her what she DID like. She told me, "I like things like tonight, like the dinner you made."

Now I know my mom is a practical person. I love her. I understand her quirks and oddities and I accept them (I make fun of them, but I accept them.) And she is a saint, letting her thirty-something daughter move back home to save money and then being supportive when instead of continuing to save money I wanted to use my savings to write for a year. She is awesome and I wanted to reward that awesome with an awesome experience. But if the thing she wants is a dinner like the one I made on money, I'm not sure 'awesome' is the adjective I would use. Now I'm a good cook. And dinner that night was good. But it was burritos and salad. Good burritos, with a homemade enchilada sauce on top and a salad of pea sprouts. oranges and avocados (for Cinco De Mayo) and it was very tasty and about as gourmet as a burrito can get. But it was a burrito. C'mon. I'm trying to think up a memorable experience and she wants me to make dinner? I do that every night!

Everyone has their dreams but my mom does not dream big. She dreams practically, which is the opposite of me. My dream vacation involves a Greek Island, a Greek God and Greek Food. Hers is a burrito and salad at home. I love her and I would do anything to make her happy. But a burrito doesn't seem to say "I love you and I'm so happy that you are in my life and let's celebrate these important moments in your life." So it's back to the drawing board. I'll have to put my thinking cap on again.

What is your dream vacation? Where would you go, what wold you see, what would you eat? Whatever it is, loyal readers, I wish it for you. And if it's as simple as a great burrito, call me!

Sunday, Sunday

Okay, so Sunday is my day to get very little accomplished. I got no writing done...zero, zip, zilch. I read the paper, went to Best Buy where I spent money I shouldn't have (but my justification is that I had a gift certificate) had lunch with my family (a lovely little meal at Ruby Tuesday's, one of the few places where the salad bar still exists, and quite a nice one!) then spent the afternoon playing Wii, munching on the apricot torte from Trader Joe's (a la mode, of course) and then capped it off by watching a few Netflix movies.

Now I thought when I quit my job I would have lots of time to watch lots of movies. My plan was to go to the movies every Friday and watch at least six Netflix rentals a week. All of which is to be categorized under research, of course, since I am a screenwriter. Well, I haven't been to the theater at all and have watched a total of six movies. Yes, that's right, I have watched less movies since I quit that I did when I was working. Which makes me happy that I'm not sitting around watching movies instead of working but sad because I love movies. So have to get my butt in gear and do some watching! You can't write commercial schlock if you don't see what schlock is out there (remember, I aspire to be a hack).

So this weekend I watched all of my Netflix movies, one that I have had for over a month (the others I just mailed back, unwatched). First was "Dan in Real Life", starring Steve Carrel of The Office. Lovely, sweet little movie if you can get past the slight ick factor of brothers sleeping with the same woman. But other than that it's charming and I want to marry into a large Kennedy-esque clan that plays touch football in a cape type setting. It looked like so much fun to be in a big family with a talent show night. (I don't know anyone who does that in real life, but it looked idyllic.) I definitely recommend you see this film.

Next was "August Rush". Just go into it knowing it's a fairy tale in a modern setting. Completely unbelievable in every way. The music was awesome and you get to see Jonathan Rhys Myers (see previous post) looking hot, brooding a lot and singing (he was surprisingly quite good). You also get to see Kerri Russell looking doe-eyed and mostly moving zombie like through the film ("Waitress" was a much better example of her acting talents.) A nice turn from Robin Williams as the evil 'Fagin' type character and the kid who played Evan/August was really good although I would have directed his performance a bit differently.

Finally, "I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With". I wanted to like this movie, I did. It got decent reviews. And I love Chicago/Second City people (Chicago is second only to Boston on my comedy scale). I adore Bonnie Hunt, adore her. "Return to Me" is one of my favorite films and I have been a faithful follower of hers forever (anyone else remember "Davis Rules"? of "The Bonnie Hunt Show"? or "The Building"? I didn't think so) and we share the same birth date (she's older). So when I saw that she was in it I was willing to watch even if it meant sitting through Sarah Silverman playing the same creepy crazy girl she has been typecast into (or maybe she is just a creepy crazy girl). And I like Jeff Garlin and the rest of the Second City cast he brought along with him (he wrote and directed and starred). And I wanted to like this film about a chubby actor living with his mom and not dating much (hmmm, why do I relate?). But his character came off as a bit unsympathetic and sad. There were some moments of sheer brilliance - a remake of the Ernest Borgnine classic "Marty" starring Aaron Carter and Gina Gershon, big hoot! and the part with Poncho Boy was too funny. But I wanted more from the character than he wanted for himself. So I guess what I'm saying was that the side bits were funnier than the whole. I give it a 'watch it on cable' recommend. When you do watch it, grab a tub of tapioca. And people, hire Bonnie Hunt more, she's terrific!

Now about the Wii. I love the Wii (see this post) and I can't wait for the Wii Fit. But we needed some new games so I bought Game Party (don't bother) and Mario Kart. Yes, the one with the Wii wheel. Okay, can I just say my thumbs hurt? And I crashed like a million times. My brother is pretty good, my sister-in-law to be Val is really good and my mother was hysterical to watch as she crashed, bumped, got turned around and basically sucked. It was so much fun. I practiced a bit more last night and I think I might some day get to the point where I don't embarrass myself, as long as I don't play against anyone under thirty. If you don't already have a Wii, get one. They are so much fun, no matter what your age - heck Grandma is 87 and she plays with it!

Kiss the Irish

A writer friend posted on her blog about her obsession with British actors. She's right, the Brits are hot. But I have a slight preference for the Irish, myself. (It might be my Irish heritage, I am a red haired Shae after all!) She asked me who my faves are so here they are, in no particular order. (I'd be happy with any of them!)



Gabriel Byrne
I'd have to be in treatment not to make him one of my usual suspects!





Pierce Brosnan
Anyone who ever watched Remington Steele could see that he IS Bond. Mamma mia, he's adorable!





Jonathan Rhys Myers
He can make Henry VIII look hot (who knew that was even possible?) And he totally made me want to bend it like Beckham!





Cillian Murphy
Those beautiful eyes get to me every time. He plays the bad guy way too well, though. I'd sleep with him, but I'd keep one red eye open!




Kenneth Branagh
Much ado about something, I'd say. Great writer, director and actor...you'd have to be dead again not to find him a lethal combination!

And to give props to the Clendenin and McLean sides of my family, here are my pics for Great Scots!



James McAvoy
He might be the last king of Scotland but he's my favorite. I totally get why Jane Austen fell for him.




Gerard Butler
P.S. I love you too. A hot Scottish hunk but he played a hot Irish one so he's double trouble. Yum.

It's harder than it looks

Okay, some days the writing just flows out of you and you think, "wow, this is great" and some days you want to throw your computer against the wall. Yesterday was a throwing day. My progress seemed slow and plodding. Then last night I couldn't sleep and I kept thinking about my novel and today seems like a flow day. I had a French teacher who told me that once you start dreaming in a foreign language you have begun to master it. I hope it's the same for writing, since I dreamed in my novel. Men in breeches with untied cravats and innocent ladies and villainous highwaymen. My characters are becoming more real now which I think is a good sign except now they have stronger personalities and they are definitely letting me know when I get their story wrong. I didn't get 2,000 words yesterday but I know I'll make it up. I finished reading Ken Follett's "Pillars of the Earth" which is over 900 pages (and takes place in the Middle Ages with lots of technical information about architecture and building and monastic life) and I don't know how he did it. I'm trying to eek out 220 pages and it seems insurmountable. But I'll just keep plodding and flowing along!

After

I know it's been a while since I posted the "Before" picture of the house but after painting we wanted to get the yard fixed up too so I waited until after that was done. The house looks gorgeous even though we have a few things left to do. The color of the shutters isn't quite right, we wanted something a bit more blue so those will need to be re-done, and there will be some planters and rocks in the front yard still but I think enough has been done so that I can update you. Each thing we do leads to another thing we want to do so it's a vicious circle. I joke that next my mom will want to get a new car since hers doesn't match the house (but mine does!)

Our house is more than forty years old but now it looks almost new. Good Job Mom! (and of course good job to Juan and his workers - if you ever need a handyman, he's your guy! He did the paint, and the yard, and replaced our kitchen sink, etc! He's awesome!)

Realistic Goals

Okay, 3,000-4,000 words a day might have been a bit optomistic. That's a four hundred page book. I'm writing a regency romance, that's only about a two hundred page book. So now I'm aiming for 2,000 words a day and on day one of the writing challenge...I did it!!!!! Yay for me. And yay for any other writers in the BIAM for May.

I said when I left ATM&S that I wanted to have a novel and two screenplays done in six months. I was a little scared I wouldn't meet those self imposed goals but I am now happy to report that I'm on track to achieve them, even with the detour to New Mexico. I will continue to update my progress here.

I had a dream about ATM&S last night. I went back to work there in the dream. I guess I really miss the place, which I think is only natural since I spent the majority of my life their for seven years. Jamie and Paul and Kurt were in the dream, and Scarecrow and Tin Man, you were there too! In the dream I agreed to come back to work but only if we could change my office around. Strange, huh? And my pictures were hung back I their old places. Which is actually doable since the box of stuff from my office is still in my car. (Yes, I know, I have to clean my car out, I just haven't been over to the storage unit.) I know that my sucessor is doing an awesome job, all I hear is how wonderful she is (which makes me feel great by the way, knowing how easily I was replaced and forgotten, thanks) Honestly, I'm glad she is having a good time at the place I loved so much but I'm sad too. I miss the front desk and talking to all my favorite people (you know who you are!) and Treat Thursdays and stupid all staff emails and my phone men and everything. I love staying at home and writing and taking care of my family but I definitely miss the social interaction.

This post is supposed to be about goals, so hear is my goal for today...2.000 words (and unfortunately these blogs don't count).

May 1st

Happy Law Day everyone! For those who don't know, May first is Law Day, a day we celebrate our system of justice. It was created during the Cold War to counteract those Red Commies and their May Day celebrations.

Today also starts my BIAM. My goal today is between 3,000 and 4,000 words. It seems like a daunting goal but it's time to get down to it. Wish me luck!

MaY

May is MY month. At least I'm hoping it is. My goal is to complete the first draft of my novel by the end of May. And I'm asking you, my loyal readers, for your help and support. I will be posting weekly page/word counts. Help me keep on track, and encourage me, please. I need a deadline and I'm hoping this will light my fire, so to speak. So all those of you who said we would go to lunch, I'm taking you up on that. Let's do lunch and when we do, demand my word count for the day. I thank you all for the encouragement you have all given me and I promise this book is dedicated to you all!

The Mulberry Tree

There is a mulberry tree in my backyard. This is not so surprising because there are lots of mulberry trees in lots of peoples' yards, or at least there were before they were banned in Clark County because they produce a lot of pollen. (This makes me really ma because they are great trees that don't need a lot of water and produce a great deal of shade but hey, we wouldn't want people to have seasonal allergies, would we?) But the mulberry tree in my backyard is special, because it is a fruiting mulberry. Most of the mulberry trees in Las Vegas are the non-fruiting variety. But every spring this tree produces fat little deep purple berries.

If you have never tasted a mulberry, they don't taste like much, they are just a sweet, sweet berry that look a lot like a little blackberry. They don't keep well so I guess that's why you don't see them in the grocery store. I used to climb the tree and eat the berries until my face and hands were purple and my feet were stained from the berries on the ground. Our family dog, Velvet, loved them too, she would eat them off of the ground all day long. Bird love the mulberries too, although our cars don't like the birds after they have enjoyed the berries. Mulberries are tough to pick since they don't want to come off of the tree until they are very ripe, then they just fall and it can be hard to catch them. But as a desert rat I thought it was amazing that we had this fruit tree in our backyard.

The truly amazing thing is that nobody ever planted this tree. It sprouted up one day along the fence and my grandfather, who loved to garden, didn't have the heart to kill it. So he let it grow. There are no other fruiting mulberries in our neighborhood so we don't know how it even came to be. But it grew into a large tree. Much to my consternation as a child, the low branches of the tree were all on the neighbors side of the fence, and they were not as enthralled with the tree as I was, so they nearly always cut the limbs on their side back to the fence line.

The mulberry tree isn't doing so well. Many of it's limbs are dying back. Mulberry trees aren't supposed to live more than twenty-five years anyway according to one website, although the trees in my neighborhood didn't get the memo because they have all been around since the early sixties, which makes them over forty years old. But this winter I fussed and fretted over my mulberry tree because I was worried it wasn't going to come back. It came back, although we need to have it's dead branches cut back this fall. But I could see that it was an old tree. Then I noticed something. At the base of my old mulberry, a new mulberry tree was growing. The little tree that nobody planted was growing a new little tree to replace itself with. The new little tree has mulberries on it. Not many, just a few, but it is a sure sign that this new little tree is alive and thriving.

There is a moral to my story, at least there is for me. Don't give up. And when life gets difficult and you aren't sure you can make it, come at it from a different angle. Plant fresh roots. You will survive, even if it's not in the way you thought it would be. You will still blossom and bloom. And even when nobody thinks they wanted you, if you stick it out, people will come around to appreciate you for your amazing strength, unique beauty and triumph of spirit.



This is a picture of "The Mulberry Tree" by Van Gogh. It hangs in the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena, California. It's considered one of his lesser works. He painted it in the fall of 1889 while he was committed to a mental facility in Saint-Remy. (I guess even he figured that cutting off your own ear is not a good sign, sanity wise.) The first time I saw it I stared at it for a long time. I could gaze at it forever. It's in a style called impasto, where the paint is so thick it looks three dimensional. It looks a bit like the work of a man in the nut house but that's what makes it so interesting. You can almost feel the emotions Van Gogh felt while he was painting it. It is my favorite painting. (My second favorite hangs at the Getty Museum and is of the Rouen Cathedral by Monet - yes, I'm a big fan of the impressionists.) I like the Van Gogh painting even more now that I have found great inspiration in my own mulberry tree. I hope you find your mulberry tree.

Tired of the News

My family watches the news...a lot. A whole lot. If it were up to my Grandmother we would watch nothing but news. I don't think she actually pays that much attention but she always has CNN or Fox News on. And we watch the local news too. But it's the same five stories over and over again. They will run a story to the point you want to cry uncle. Here are my takes on the most recent dead horses they have been beating.

The polygamy compound in Texas - I don't care and I don't want to hear any more about it. Figure out who those kids belong to, give them back to their parents if they aren't in danger of eminent harm and shut up. Look, if everyone was over eighteen, of appropriate mental capacity and consenting, then I don't care if you marry one or one hundred wives. Just don't abuse the welfare system and quit marrying little girls.

The price of gas - Gas is expensive. I get it. But quit telling me how expensive it is. I know how expensive it is, I have to buy gas. It doesn't make me feel better when you tell me every day that it's going to be eve more expensive. Tell me when the price goes down. But until then, shut up already.

The economy- We're in a recession. It happens. Every eleven years or so. Let's not make it worse by telling me constantly how bad it is. I get it. I see how much food costs, I go to the grocery store. We aren't stupid, we get it. But hitting us over the head with how bad we have it, that's just mean.

The green movement - Save the planet. Earth Day. Going 'green'. These are the same things we have been hearing for more than twenty years. Don't run the water while you are brushing your teeth. Turn the lights off when you leave the room. I'm so over it. I'll do my part but I can't do the part of billions of Chinese and other developing countries. So tell them, not me.

The election - Call me in November.

Okay, rant over.

Before

We are painting the house today (and by "we" I mean that I helped pick out the colors, not that I am doing any of the work or paying for any of it). So here is the 'before' picture.

Breath deeply. Now pick up the pen.

This has been a tough week for me. There has been a big crisis-of-faith when it comes to my writing. I keep wondering if it's going fast enough, if it's good enough, if I chose to do the right thing. There is a voice in my head that is impossible to silence. It speaks to me constantly. Sometimes it says complimentary things and encourages me but more often it is negative and tells me that I'm not good enough, not smart enough and it tells me to give up. I have to admit that, through whatever graces have blessed me, that most of the things I have wanted to achieve have come to me. But perhaps it is because this dream has been with me so long and held so close and dear to my heart that it instills the greatest fear of failure that I have ever known. It was always easy to define myself before...I was a student or an assistant office manager or a comic. But I still feel like a bit of an impostor, defining myself as a writer. I don't know why this is but I feel like a fraud. I write, every day, but I still don't know how to define myself as a writer. This journey is probably one of the most soul searching experiences of my life and it's scary. There is probably a reason why we don't soul search very often as it's sometimes not a pretty place to look. Nothing worse than doing some soul searching to find out you don't have one!

I went looking for some inspiration today in the form of quotes from other writers and these are a few that struck major chords in my heart.

The work never matches the dream of perfection the artist has to start with. - William Faulkner

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

And this one I'm going to keep with me as I go back to my pen and paper today. It actually comes from one of my favorite writer/actor/comedians. It gives me a little tiny bit of perspective today when I feel I am struggling in a sea of doubt.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. - Steve Martin

Garden Update

Here is the latest picture of my garden. It survived my absence and is doing well. The leaves look like I floured them because some pests were eating all of my herbs and so I sprinkled an organic pesticide on them. I didn't spend all that time and money to feed the bugs!

My tomatoes are growing and I can't wait for them to ripen! We've eaten some herbs but I'm anxiously awaiting the day I can make salad caprese with my tomatoes and basil.

Dis-Courtesy

Yesterday at the grocery store when I came out to my car the person next to me had parked so crooked in the space that there was less than six inches to open my car door. Anyone who has seen my butt knows it takes more than six inches for me to get into my car. With no idea how long the person would be in the store and my ice cream melting, I used some yoga moves and contortions worthy of a Cirque du Soleil performer and got into my car but it wasn't fun and it really wasn't pretty. But ass and ego aside, it was infuriating because someone cared so little about others and so much about themselves that the three seconds it would have taken for them to park correctly was less important than their need to get into the store quickly.

What gives a person the sense of entitlement that it's okay for them to do things like that? Why do some people feel that they are more important than the rest of us? We have all had it happen. Like the guy who, even though it was clearly marked two miles back and with orange safety cones for the last mile that the lane was going to end, who drives it to the last possible second and then expects to merge even though the rest of us got over when we were supposed to. Or the woman who, even though you have been waiting in line for twenty minutes in front of her, runs to the next check stand when it opens instead of waiting patiently for her turn. What arrogance and conceit to believe that you are the important one.

Courtesy isn't that hard. But it's so rare these days that it seems monumental. People have been surprised when my brother held a door for them. A couple thanked me profusely when I helped an elderly man down a couple of stairs. Other drivers are amazed when we let them merge in front of us. Why? It takes so little effort to consider someone else and yet it's so hard to find.

Let's have one day where we put other peoples needs at least equal to our own. Where we use our turn signals and don't run red lights. Where we park correctly in spaces. Where we allow someone to go in front of us. Where we thank the people who help us. I know, it's a radical idea. Manners might make a comeback. I know it's a crazy idea, but it's worth a try.

Go Tesco!!!!

Tesco has announced ten more stores for it's Fresh & Easy Neighborhood Markets. Happy news. One of the new stores announced will be eight blocks from my house. Happy, Happy, Happy News!!!!! These stores are clean, well stocked, well priced and staffed by some darn nice people. I love Fresh and Easy and had read that they might be scaling back so I am so happy to hear that they are doing so well that they are expanding operations. And I hope that everyone will check them out (if you haven't already). The British are coming! (And it's a good thing this time!)

Gainfully Unemployed (Again)

So, I was hoping that the new 'job' was going to be the ideal situation..,working from home, a few hours a week, data entry type stuff. But honestly, they need a full time bookkeeper. So, while I had a great time with Bill in New Mexico, I called it quits when I could see that it wasn't going to be be what I needed and I wasn't going to be what they needed. It was an amicable parting and I hope they find a crackerjack bookkeeper to help them out because it's a really great company.

Sometimes I wonder why things happen in life (don't we all). I look at situations and try to figure out what the 'lesson' for my life was. I think the job taught me to focus on what I really want, which is writing, not bookkeeping. I got sidetracked a bit while I was in New Mexico and I now realize that I need a lot of focus to make my dreams come true. I have to give as much attention to my new career as I would any other job. In order to accomplish my goals I have to be as dedicated an employee to myself as I would be for anyone else. Important lesson for the 'year of writing dangerously'.

I am also grateful for the strengthening of my relationship with Bill. While I always felt we were great friends before, living and working together for three weeks really taught me about who he is and what he's about and I admire him greatly. Plus he's a great conversationalist, a thoughtful friend and an awesome singer. You are an inspiration Bill, and I thank you. I know that everything will work out as it should for your life but I can't help but selfishly wish an itty, bitty bit that you come back to Vegas.

So I leave the safety net I though this part time job would bring me, a little financial easement for my path. It's going to be rough but then I never thought this choice was going to be easy to begin with. Achieving ones dreams is rarely easy though, I guess. But some of the greatest experiences of m life have been when I just closed my eyes and jumped. So here I go. Wheeeee.

The Difference Between Men and Women

WARNING: This post may contain references to bodily functions that some loyal readers may find disturbing. Read at your own risk.

After years of research I have come to the conclusion that one of the biggest differences between men and women isn't psychological, it's scatological.

While this was a principal I vaguely understood from my childhood, I assumed that this was a primarily youth oriented difference that faded after adolescence. But after working as the only female in an office of ten men I now realize the division exists throughout adulthood as well.

Men have no problems discussing these body functions. There was only one bathroom in the office and therefore it was unisex. But all courtly kindness flew out the window when it came to using the bathroom for it's intended purpose. Not only did the men use the bathroom but they issued warnings about it's smell, bragged about their emissions and made vast joking references to the act. I heard phrases like "pinch one off", "drop off a load" and "ordering a ten inch number two". Men were not only not concerned about talking about this particular bodily function but actually seemed proud of the act and rather enjoyed the references. Male oriented movies are so full of scatological humor that I have actually gagged at some references. The 'poop and fart' genre of movies is vastly popular with all males from eleven to eighty-seven.

This is vastly different in the female of the species. Women will go to great, and dangerous, lengths to avoid performing this act in public, and sometimes even in private. I know a woman who would run the bathroom sink so that her husband did not know when she used the bathroom. Apparently letting him think she was OCD with a compulsive hand washing fetish was okay. Keep in mind that this same woman allowed her husband to videotape the births of her children (and not from over her shoulder, either) which she would then show to all and sundry but still wouldn't let her husband know that she poo'd. Strange logic if you ask me.

I admit that while I'm not ashamed to my biological necessities, I don't see the need to flaunt them as the males do. There is no need to hold someones head under the covers after flatulence. But I'm not so prudish as to think that one must hide all evidence of humanness from one's mate. I have another friend, a delightful woman from Atlanta, who once said "I could never poot in front of a man". Why? Because it's not ladylike? But everyone on the planet does it. And isn't that what a committed relationship is all about? No longer holding in gas to the point of potential explosion just so your partner won't hear that you break wind? My uncle and his friend once had a flatulence contest (as adults, mind you). I'm not sure what the rules or prizes were but I can tell you that no woman in her right mind would EVER do such a thing!

I'm not suggesting that to come to a complete understanding between the genders, we must adopt all of the other sexes mannerisms. Gosh forbid. I don't want to see women bragging about the size of their emissions any more than I want men to do it. But I do think women should relax a little and men should tighten it up. More research may need to be done on why there is such a huge gap in genders when it comes to scatological references. But I'm not going to do it. Now pardon me, I have to go, er, wash my hands.

Back on Track

Okay, so I have been home a week now and I think I'm finally back on track. It's tough to be gone so long and it was really tough not to write anything for that long and then get back into the swing. I am only two weeks away from the deadline for the Nicholl Fellowship which means I only have a week really to get "Arnie" in ship shape. The deadline for the Disney Fellowship appears to be June first so I have only six weeks to write a spec television script. Hey, I work best under pressure, right?

I wrote several new sketches for Smidgits this week, including collaborating on a new movie spoof called "Brick Morgan" which will shoot in two weeks and my homage to the ninja genre called "Blind Date with a Ninja" that should shoot in three weeks depending on the availability of the Ninja. It felt really good to write and have my stuff read by the cast and crew. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I also came up with two new movie ideas. I'm firing on multiple cylinders now!

For those that were wondering, my mom and grandma survived my New Mexico adventure, although the freezer is bare as apparently they ate lots of TV dinners while I was gone. I did all of the cooking last week as my mother has been working lots of hours at the bread store (who knew the discount bread biz was so demanding!) I'm still planning this weeks menu but I thank gosh I'm back in the land of Fresh & Easy. And my B.J. gave me a hug and welcomed me back, isn't that nice? I just love that store. Please support your local Fresh & Easy, I want them to do well.

If anyone is interested, I'm hoping to catch "CJ7" at the movies this week. It's the new film from Steven Chow of Kung Fu Hustle fame. Love him, think this one looks pretty good. If you want to go with me, let me know. Hope to see some of my loyal readers soon. Love to you all and now it's time to get a writin'! Love to you all.

Where Do I Live?

Recently someone asked me where in Las Vegas I lived and I realized it's a question I don't have a good answer for.

When I was growing up, it was easy to answer. I lived in the far Northwest. Jones was the farthest major street in the western part of the Valley and it ended four blocks from my house. Yes, there were some people who lived farther West or farther North but they probably owned horses. In any case, if I said Northwest when I was a kid, people knew exactly where I was talking about. (The area I live in actually does have a name, it's called Charleston Heights but no one calls it that, not that they ever did.)

As I got older and the town started growing it became more complicated. When I would say Northwest, they would ask if I lived in Summerlin. Nope, not that far West. Desert Shores was too far North. But I just said Jones and the Expressway and that was clear enough.

Well, now very few people call it the expressway any more. (Believe me, when it was built it as way more 'express' than it is now.) Now people tell me they live off of Jones and the 215 and I get confused. (I'm a dang native for cryin' out loud and I don't know where people mean half the time!) The town has grown so fast and so furiously that old landmarks are gone and descriptions change daily. My house that used to be on the edge of nowhere is now towards the middle of town.

So I have decided to rename the area in which I live "North Central Las Vegas". Because now that the town stretches far in every direction around me, it is pretty central. And we are still North of the dividing line, even if it isn't as far North as it used to be. It'll also give our neighborhood some street 'cred' to be called North Central LV. So l hereby re-christen where I live and I ask you all to start calling it by it's new name. Hopefully we won't have to change it's name again anytime soon.

I'm HOME!!!!!!

Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home.

I'm home from my New Mexico adventure and it was wonderful to sleep in my own bed. I got home and hugged my dog, my mom and my grandma. (Yes, in that order but only because my Grandma didn't run into the yard to greet me, tail wagging.)

I will miss the guys I was working with, the no crowds on the road and the ice cream. But I'm so glad to be in a place with multiple grocery stores, a Target and my family. And I am so happy to be home and writing again!!!!!! New Mexico was full of twelve hour days and no writing time, ugh. Back to work (the work I love and was meant to do.)

I will really miss Bill. We had a lot of thoughtful and intelligent conversations and I had an awesome time with him (although my calves are still killing me after our zillion mile hike through Carlsbad Caverns on Saturday). It was great to hang out with someone who shared my love of barbecue, ice cream and books. Plus he is always singing and it's cool to hear someone who truly loves music (he also plays guitar and I liked hearing him practice.) And he's such a good guy he let me have sole custody of the remote control and he contained (mostly) his disdain for my watching Big Brother and has decided to not hold my plebeian television viewing habits against me. I love you Bill and I wish for you all the happiness you deserve. Thanks for making my stay infinitely more enjoyable. And not many guys would willingly watch Pride and Prejudice with me, thanks!

Today I have a list of chores a mile long to get my life back to 'normal'. I should be back to blogging daily. Thanks for sticking with me, loyal readers.

Always Late for the Party

So, April Fool's Day has come and gone and once again I missed it. It happens every year. I think of some great prank in say, August or November, and think to myself, "I have to remember that" and then I don't. Or I don't remember until April second. And so it was once again this year.

I know it was April Fool's Day, I did. At one point during the day the base went to FPCON Delta (which for you civilians like me means you have to stay put in your office and not even stick your nose out the door until you go to FPCON Charlie - we are normally at FPCON Alpha). Even though I knew the base was on exercises I still wondered if it was an April Fool's joke. (I was informed that the U.S. military does not joke - EVER. Apparently our Uncle Sam has no sense of humor. And I'll admit that it wasn't funny to see those soldiers, er, excuse me, airmen, in flack jackets and combat helmets patrolling around...even if I knew it was just an exercise.)

I even caught the joke on Google about the colonization of Mars. Funny stuff and it must have taken a while for them to put it all together. But I didn't do anything to commemorate the day. Maybe it's because I'm far from home, with a group of guys who think 'pull my finger' is the height of classic comedy, on a military base which does not appreciate my quirky sense of humor. But truthfully, I suspect that it's because I'm a terrible practical joker. So every year I think I should do something on April Fool's Day and every year I'm a 'day late and a dollar short'.

So I hope you had a great April Fools that was full of laughter and fun. And next year, I'll have a great prank planned. (Not)