Exercise Sucks! (Review #1)

I hate to exercise. I hate it, HATE it, HATE IT! It's a form of torture invented by masochists who enjoy other peoples pain. I never get a sense of pleasure (the 'endorphin' rush) and the only thing I feel when I'm done is relief that it's finally over. When I am really grooving exercise-wise, I do start to feel a sense of accomplishment, not because of enjoyment but because I am able to conquer something that I hate doing but need to do. (Which is also how I endure gynecologist visits and taking my car to the mechanic.)

I usually do an in-home walking program. I like it because it doesn't require a lot of equipment or special shoes and I can do it every day, no excuses. I highly recommend it to anyone who is out of shape and wants to start moving. it isn't hard but you can progressively challenge yourself to do more, walk further, etc. The one's I use are by Leslie Sansone and are called "Walk Away The Pounds". They really did help me lose weight the first time. They are great for gradually building up your strength and endurance and she has lots of tapes out there. I try to do two miles every day, although if I'm just not feeling it I'll do the one mile walk and if I'm really kicking butt I'll do the three mile walk or her interval workouts like "Walk and Box". I have about six of her DVDs so I can rotate through and not get too bored.

One day I wandered through the fitness section of Target and checked out their selection of workout DVDs. I saw several titles that grabbed my attention but with prices in the twenty dollar range I was hesitant to buy any. I'm really leery of workouts that might be too challenging for my overweight, out of shape, exercise hating self. I decided to check on Amazon to see if the prices were any better and to read some of the customer reviews. On one review I saw that someone said they had checked out the DVD at their local library. I decided to check my library to see if they had exercise DVDs and sure enough they did. What a great way to check out the workouts for free and see which ones might be worth the investment.



The first one I tried was "The Biggest Loser: Cardio Max" which says it is "a six week program for maximum weight loss." Plus it had real fat people (or former fat people at least) doing the workout. Which gave me hope that maybe I could do the workout too. You can customize your workout or follow their 'maximize your results' program. You start out in week one doing a warm up, a twenty minute boot camp cardio workout (with Biggest Loser trainer Bob) and a cool down. In week three you add a ten minute "super cardio drill" (with trainer Jillian) and in week five you add yet another ten minute cardio kickbox routine (with trainer Kim). So yesterday instead of my walking workout I decided to do Level One.

Let me start out by saying that the warm up is hard. Not what I would generally call a warm up as you start with jumping rope immediately. I'm used to a more gradual warm up so I was a bit surprised at the intensity of this one. I also wasn't wearing proper workout shoes (I don't have to with my walking DVDs, another bonus for them) so the jumping up and down on my concrete floor was painful so I modified the movements just a bit to cut down on joint damage.

Then the workout begins and I do mean work out. It's hard and I definitely knew I was doing cardio. There are a LOT of lunges, squats, etc. I'm not going to lie, there was a lot of effort involved. There is one girl on the video who does a modified workout so you can follow her when it's too intense. I followed her when I just couldn't take it anymore. I also didn't do the push up segment, because again, I have a concrete floor and I like my knees. I need to get an exercise mat for that segment. I just ran in place during that part. Even with modified movements and missing the push ups, it was a really intense workout. Just in level one! I was huffing and puffing and today I am sooo sore. But I still liked it. It was intense enough for me to really feel it but I didn't feel bad about the modifications and I felt like this was a workout I could slowly work up to doing more of. It was more lower body than upper body (as evidenced by my truly sore and tired butt and thighs) but since that's where most of my weight is, I think that's okay.

The verdict? I'm going to get this DVD. It's $8.99 on Amazon and I'll need to get a workout mat to do the floor exercises but I think doing it a couple of times a week (not the 4-5 they recommend, I would die before the end of week one!) will help me improve my strength and endurance. Don't try this workout if you have bad knees or ankles as it's pretty high impact. It also has a nice 'music only option' for once you get the routine down and don't want to listen to the same banter over and over again. (I wish that was a feature on my Leslie Sansone tapes, I do get tired of the babble.) The people on this tape, even if they aren't super fat, still look like normal people and they are really sweating as they exercise which made me feel better about myself. Overall, a good workout for most beginner and intermediate exercisers. I'll have to check out levels two and three after I get better at level one.

For the next review I'll be doing "The Bollywood Dance Workout with Hemalayaa". That is, once I can move my legs again.

I Hate Skinny People

Okay, maybe hate is too strong a word. Let's just say I'm not a fan. Especially of people who have no idea of what it's like to struggle with weight issues. The worst are the ones who are a size four who exclaim "Oh, I am soooo fat!". I just want to hit those people. Look, call me when you can box in the light heavyweight division (over 178 lbs.) and then maybe I'll feel something for you but until then shut up and eat a sandwich already.

I have been overweight since childhood. It didn't help that my paternal grandmother made me breakfast every morning and by breakfast I mean enough food to fuel a lumberjack for a full day, (When it came time for finals when I was in high school she would make an extra big breakfast as "brain food". A huge T-Bone steak, eggs, hash browns, toast, the works. Granted, I had a pretty big brain but I also had a pretty big ass.) And I've never let my weight hold me back from anything I wanted to do (well, it may have hindered my career as a ballerina but since I never wanted to be a ballerina it's okay.) My blood pressure is normal, my cholesterol is fine and (knock on wood), I have been really healthy.

But I'm getting older and after I turned thirty-five I noticed that my weight hung a few inches lower that it ever had been. While I've always been a pear shape, I don't want to end up a pyramid. So I want to lose a little weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be overweight. Just slightly less overweight. And then my goal is to keep that weight off instead of gaining it back. I'd rather lose twenty pounds and keep it off than lose fifty and gain it all back (been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, then had to exchange it for a bigger size.) And as much as I hate exercise, (and I do, I despise it with a passion usually reserved for fascist dictators) I know that it will help me stay healthy. (Still hate it.)

The media makes so much about thin these days. Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, they would be considered heifers these days. The media is blasting Eva Longoria for being fat (what the hell?!?, my right thigh is bigger than she is.) And those girls on the new "90210" look as thought they could star as starving children in a Sally Struthers infomercial. Please, can we have a Hollywood actress who looks somewhat realistic? I'm not talking a size twelve or fourteen (even if that is pretty normal) but maybe a size ten?

Dieting is hard. Oh, I can cook up some great healthy recipes but inside, all I want is a cheeseburger (and I mean a cheeseburger, not a soy patty on a whole wheat bun with fat free cheese.) I saw one website that had lo-cal chili cheese fries. I was intrigued since I am somewhat of a chili cheese fry aficionado. When I looked at the recipe it was soy chili and fat free cheese over BUTTERNUT SQUASH FRIES! What taste-bud missing moron came up with that!?! Now I happen to like roasted butternut squash but it tastes NOTHING like a french fry, nothing at all. And to top it with soy chili and fat free cheese makes me want to upchuck my egg white omelet and dry whole wheat toast breakfast. Please, I'd rather have one lonely, single, solitary real chili cheese fry than a whole plate of that crap. If that's what skinny people eat, I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and doomed to a life of pseudo-food.

This morning I woke up starving and not wanting to exercise and I was going to say 'eff this' and have a real breakfast when I stepped on the scale and found I had lost two pounds. Dammit. So instead I walked my two miles and had my crappy, er, I mean healthy breakfast and I guess I'll stick with it a little while longer. But I still want a cheeseburger.