What In The World

Here is my take on some "news making" stories today.

The future queen of Sweden announced her engagement yesterday. Her fiance is...a gym owner. Not exactly what I would expect for a future queen but it just goes to show you that princes are hard to come by. She has been dating him for like seven years and he's been living with the royal family for a while now. (So much for the storybook virgin princess thing, huh?) Hey, the monarchy ain't what it used to be. And there is nothing like a royal wedding to boost the economy. I like Sweden, the home of Ikea, H&M, Volvo, those delicious little meatballs and yummy pancakes. And apparently they aren't so snooty that their crown princess can't marry a gym owner. (I don't think owning a gym is a bad thing, it just brings some funny visuals to my mind of a dainty queen and some sweaty muscle guy in one of those funky 'armholes-too-long-pink-wifebeater' type gym shirt and black bicycle shorts. It would make a great sitcom.) Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. And if you need wedding planning assistance, I'm getting really good at it.

Okay, I am not one to make generalizations or encourage racial stereotypes. But this story made me laugh. A woman in South Korea has failed the drivers license exam 775 times. Boy, the jokes you could make about female or Asian drivers. Apparently it is her dream to get her license so she can buy a catering truck or something. She has spent more than $6,800 just taking the test over and over again. She refuses to give up. I admire that kind of dedication, but seriously, at what point do you say, 'hey, maybe I'm just not meant to pass this test'? Now we are talking about the written portion here. I'm thinking that by the time you have taken the test say, four or five HUNDRED times, you should have it memorized. Then you go home, look up all the answers, memorize them, then go back and re-take it, and voila, you pass. Maybe the test is really, really hard and I'm not giving her enough credit. But seriously, 775 times? Maybe she could just buy the truck and have someone drive it for her?

It's Fat Tuesday! (Yes, they named a holiday after me.) It's the day before Lent begins. Traditionally you eat pancakes (to use up all the foods that you are giving up for Lent) which is why IHOP is giving away free pancakes today. It's also the last day of Mardi Gras in New Orleans where revelers drink, party on Bourbon street and women flash their breasts to obtain plastic beads worth about two cents. I'm not exactly sure how you tell Mardi Gras from any other day in New Orleans, except maybe on a regular day there aren't parades. (I used to think that New Orleans was exactly like the French Quarter area of Disneyland, which is clean and safe and contains no strip clubs. Then I went to New Orleans and boy was I shocked.) Since I love the cuisine of the Big Easy, I'm making Jambalaya for dinner tonight. I actually planned it for before I realized it was Fat Tuesday but now it's even more appropriate. Oh, and I don't give up anything for Lent since I'm not religious. But I applaud and admire those of you that do.

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said that the economy is suffering a 'severe contraction'. Really Ben? 'Cuz from where I'm sitting it looks like a full fledged epileptic seizure. But what do I know? I don't have advanced degrees in Economics. But I could see that there was going to be a housing crisis. I knew people whose credit ratings were in the low double digits, who were buying half million dollar homes with interest only mortgages. Hmm, potential problem maybe? It was a house of cards fueled by greed and it had to fall down eventually. So yes, when it all came crashing, it brought us to this 'severe contraction'. But hey, I sit here in a good position. I'm already unemployed and I pulled my money out of the stock market and into a nice federally insured account just in the nick of time. Tonight the President will give his state of the union address. I don't envy him, it's hard to pretty up "we're in a world of s**t right now". He's going to offer details of his plan for economic recovery (gosh, I hope it doesn't involve everyone collecting cans and bottles to sell to recycling centers, that was my vacation, er, stay-cation, fund plan.) But we are Americans and we always have hope. That's what is going to eventually get us through. But until that happens, I think I might give up something for Lent after all...watching the economic news.

I'll stay on the lookout for more stories to keep you in touch, informed and um, er (the only other 'in' that is springing to mind right now is incontinent but that's just not right). Stay smart, Loyal Readers!

I've Got an "In"

Okay, I've never done drugs so I've never had a 'dealer'. I don't know anyone who bootlegs DVD's so I don't know a 'guy'. I've lived in Las Vegas my whole life and I've only gotten 'comped' a couple of times. I don't know anyone who can put me 'on the list'. And while I don't really want to participate in any illegal activity, I have always felt kind of out of the loop. Like everyone else had some special connection and I was flying solo. But no more, 'cuz now I have a 'guy' who can totally hook me up with Ikea merchandise.

I know I blogged about ModernLV before and how it is such an amazing idea to bring Ikea to the Ikea-less Las Vegas. But last night I got my first delivery and I had to tell you all about it! I got an email from William Crozer, the "Director of Operations" (don't you love it when a two person company has employees with such lofty titles?) saying my merchandise was in. He sent me another email saying he was out making deliveries and if I was near a freeway he'd drop my stuff off too. I thought this was totally cool of him since I only bought seven dollars worth of stuff. My house is two minutes from a freeway exit and we made arrangements to meet in the parking lot of the shopping center that is right next to the freeway. (And, conveniently enough, right next to a Del Taco, and it was Tuesday, which means tacos were on sale 3 for $1.09, so guess what we had for dinner last night? Yup, taco salads. Add some beans and tomatoes and a bit of sour cream to some crushed up tacos and viola, yummy dinner on the cheap.)

William called me when he was fifteen minutes away from my area and I put my money in and envelope and headed off to the shopping center. I felt a little like I was going to make a drug deal, exchanging cash for the packets. I have been going to that shopping center my whole life (there is a great Chinese restaurant and my Grandma Wilhite did all her laundry at the laundromat and there used to be a terrific video store from the pre-Blockbuster and Netflix days.) But the shopping center has fallen on hard times when the freeway expansion forced the closing of the big grocery store and the McDonald's but I still go there frequently to the CVS or the Del Taco. But it's a little seedy after dark, I'll be honest. I don't usually care but I felt a little bad meeting my new BFF there. And again, I felt a little like some illicit exchange was going to be made. While I sat in my car, waiting for William, I witnessed not one, but two suspected drug deals. Now again, I've only seen drug deals in the movies but when people wait in their cars and a guy on a bike rides up to them, exchanges something through the window and then the car drives away, it doesn't take Sherlock Homes to figure out what's going on. I was afraid that while sitting in my car that the bicycle man would approach me and I would have no idea of the proper etiquette to turn him down. (Although it has been getting harder and harder to buy my nasal decongestant lately due to it's use in making crystal meth. I was wondering if meth helps you breathe better because it might be easier to buy it from a dealer than getting Sudafed at the pharmacy. Plus, meth helps you lose weight, right? But there is that whole 'losing all your teeth" and I hate dentists so maybe that's not the best way to go.)

William arrived and I got out of the car with my envelope and we exchanged the cash for the Graddsas sauce packets. My new 'dealer' also gave me the new Ikea catalog. (Just like a dealer, he hooks you with a little taste then turns you on the the harder stuff!) It wasn't exactly like a drug deal though, unless dealers are now giving receipts. We talked for a few minutes about the business and Ikea. He was totally cool, but I kind of had to laugh too. If I had to picture in my mind the type of person who would start an Ikea import business, it would be a yuppie white liberal in a hybrid car. (Have you ever seen "Best in Show' the brilliant dog show mockumentary from Christopher Guest and company? The couple with the weimeriner who met at Starbucks and likes to quiz each other on what's new in the J. Crew catalog? That's totally how I pictured William and his wife, the couple who own and run ModernLV) And who shows up? An upscale white guy with an Obama bumper sticker on his black Prius. I'm not making fun, just saying that he was EXACTLY like I pictured him and it made me smile. Did I mention before that the Crozer's even participate in a carbon offsetting program so I can even feel like an environmentalist while I buy my Ikea from them? Yes, they are that cool.

ModernLV is a business that if it succeeds is doomed to fail. By that I mean if there truly are enough people in Las Vegas that love Ikea, eventually Ikea will come here and ModernLV will have no reason to exist any more. And William is okay with that. He'd rather have an Ikea here. But until then he will spread the gospel of Ikea and occasionally mecca to one to worship at the temple of Swedish modern furnishings at reasonable prices. I agree with that philosophy, especially when it gets me the items I need without a four hour drive (unlike Dyann, I travel to Southern California very infrequently these days.) And the Crozer's are providing a really valuable service. We are in the midst of redecorating our living room and have been on quest to find a new couch. One that's comfortable. (Do you know how many couches are uncomfortable? It's amazing!) The room is small and we are looking for something modern but with a beach cottage feel. Our front runner is a love seat at Macy's that's nearly $1400.

This one at Ikea is $549. Granted, it's fabric instead of leather, but we can get a lot of slipcovers for the extra $850. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the one at Macy's but it's not my money.) But before the Crozer's our only option was to buy locally or rent a truck. But now we have the option of using ModernLV to fetch it for us. I don't know which we will eventually choose. But it's nice to have options. And that's the service that ModernLV is providing, the option to get Ikea merchandise without shipping charges that make the affordable into not affordable.

Tomorrow night is Swedish meatball night, thanks to ModernLV. I'm still going to work on a sauce equivalent to the packets but at least I have a supply now to tide us over until I do. And a way to get more. The Crozer's did me a huge favor and I wish them well. I've offered to write a couple of entries for their website. And I encourage you to become a friend of ModernLV on Facebook or follow them on Twitter. And, if you should happen to need some Ikea merchandise and decide to use ModernLV, mention my name and tell the Crozer's I sent you, and let them know I'm sharing the love. And the next time you have a brilliant idea, pursue it, you never know where it might lead!

Wish I'd Thought of That

Do you ever hear of something and in your head you think "That's BRILLIANT! I wish I had thought of that!". Well, reading the paper one day I saw an article that made me slap my head and say it.

William Crozer and his wife, Carrie Mauriello Crozer, started a personal shopping service, buying exclusively at Ikea. As you know, Las Vegas has no Ikea. None. This is a terrible, terrible thing. So the Crozer's will go to So Cal and shop at Ikea for you and bring the stuff back. You look through the Ikea catalog and they do all the hard work. They will even help with delivery and assembly.

Now, I can hear you saying, "But Shae, doesn't Ikea ship?" and the answer is, "Well, yes Loyal Readers, they do." But, and this is where the "Ahhh" moment comes in, Ikea gets to choose the shipping method and pricing. For example, when I moved home, I needed an armoire and I found a beautiful one at Ikea. It was perfect, both functional and attractive. And at only $169, it was also within my budget. So I went online to order it when I noticed that there was no shipping section to tell me how much shipping would be. Because Ikea gets to choose whether they ship UPS or Common Carrier. Now UPS rates are somewhat reasonable but the common carrier rates (and this is what they use for almost all furniture because it weighs more than 70 pounds) is ridiculous. So to ship my $169 armoire was going to cost me $407. That's right, the shipping charges were more than double the cost of the item. Now, to have the Crozer's company (Modern LV) bring it back for me would cost around $50. (For orders from $61-$1500 the shipping charge is 29%). See why they are brilliant?

The other reason why the Crozer's are providing such a valuable service is that not all items that you can buy in store are available for purchase online. For example, I love the swedish meatballs at Ikea. LOVE them. I brought back a bag of the frozen meatballs and several packets of the cream sauce mix. And when I ran out of meatballs, I learned how to make my own and (if I do say so myself) they are even better than Ikea's. (Probably because they are fresh, not frozen.) But I can't get the sauce right, much to my consternation. But Ikea doesn't sell the sauce packets online, only in store. And while I have been known to drive out of my way to pick up an ingredient, four hours is excessive, even for me. But now, I can have the Crozer's pick me up some. Excuse me, while I wipe the tears of joy from my face.

Now, I will say that the Crozer's need some help with their blog (hmm, perhaps a barter system could be worked out for my writing services in exchange for some Graddasas sauce packets?) and I think they really need to get the word out there (hence, this column to benefit both them and you Loyal Readers, especially those of you in Las Vegas with an Ikea need) because their service is sooooo wonderful. They are heading to Ikea next on Monday, January 19th so look at the online catalog and send them your wish list. I am getting some sauce packets, some lingonberries and perhaps some other items (alas, the armoire of my dreams is no longer available). It isn't the same as shopping at Ikea, but it's the next best thing to being there!

Me, Meatballs and the Ikea Holy Grail

To most of the world, shopping at Ikea is no big deal. For someone who was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada (an Ikea-less zone) it was a revelation and my newest obsession.

To the Ikea uninitiated out there, Ikea is a home store extraordinaire. They have furniture, house wares, cookware, linens, pictures, decorative accessories, toys, even pet beds! The store is a massive two story structure so large that there are arrows directing you which way to go. They provide you with pencils, paper and even measuring tape to take with you as you peruse the displays. You can write down the aisle and bin number of the items you want to pick up in the self serve areas downstairs. You can look at a display and say, “gee, I like that bed, I think I’ll buy it” and write down the bed number. But if you are decorating challenged and you have ever seen a display and thought, “gosh, I wish I could just buy that whole room, I’d take it all”, well at Ikea you can do just that. There is a sticker on the ROOM to tell you how much it is!

If you have never been to an Ikea before and are planning your first visit, allow yourself about 6 hours. Yes, it will take you that long, longer even if you are with someone else. I suppose it is possible, if you have been to the store a bajillion times, to “just run in and pick something up real quick”. It is also possible to visit the Wynn buffet and “just grab a little salad” but it’s not very probable. Plan your visit with ample time to ooh, aah, and exclaim.

They are pretty smart, those Swedes who designed Ikea. They know it takes a long time to really look around, see everything, make decisions, to figure out what will fit where. So they put in a cafeteria style restaurant with delicious food at reasonable prices so that you can fuel up for the buying portion of your visit. There is a pretty limited menu of mostly Swedish inspired dishes with a daily special that runs the gamut depending on the Ikea location. Just trust me, get the Swedish Meatballs. A plate of 15 of them, served with a cream sauce, boiled potatoes and lingonberry sauce is only $4.99 with larger and smaller orders priced accordingly. There was also a luscious looking open faced shrimp sandwich that looked oh, so European (it was just a sliced hard boiled egg topped with shrimp and a dollop of mayo and a sprig of dill on dark bread but you rarely see open faced cold sandwiches in the USA.) The meatballs are small, dense and delicious with a hint of spice and a delicious cream sauce. You can add soup or salad for a dollar more but since I was in a Swedish mood I added a piece of Daim torte, a dessert thingy that looked like caramel and nut torte. It turns out that Daim is a Swedish candy bar with “crisp caramel”. Whatever it was, it was delicious! While it is cafeteria style and you have to bus your won tables, the food is served on real plates with real flatware and real glasses for your beverage in an open, airy window filled place that has a lovely little area to corral the small tykes.

Okay so being in California without a semi-truck to carry my booty back I had to stick to the small stuff, so in my 45 dollar splurge I bought: 8 mirrors, 4 mini mixing bowls, a wastebasket, a dried flower arrangement, 2 candles, a bamboo curtain and a really cute dog butt hook. (No, it’s not a hook to hang a dog from, it’s a hook that looks like the rear end of a dog, with the tail as a hanger.) If I’d had a truck I found 2 bookcases, a wardrobe and a dining set that I loved. I then spent another 15 bucks on a bag of the frozen meatballs, 3 packs of cream sauce mix, a jar of lingonberries and an insulated bag to bring it all home in.

I made a batch of the meatballs on Friday and they were just as delicious as they were at the store. Now I’m obsessed with them. I need more. So if you want to know what I want for Christmas, I want 3 bags of Ikea frozen meatballs and a case of sauce packets. Lingonberries optional. But I’ve been a really good girl this year, so if it’s too much for you to go to Ikea for me, you could just petition the Swedes to put one in Vegas, and I’ll get my own!