You Say You Want A Resolution

Okay, so it took a while for me to come up with my New Year's Resolutions, but they aren't something you want to rush into all willy-nilly and then break right away. I did really well with last year's resolutions, all except for the one with the radioactive spider, but I only said I would try, "if possible", on that one. (For last year's list, see here)

So what will I tackle this year? I was so giving last year that I feel entitled to be a bit selfish this year. So, in the interest of personal growth and change, here is this year's list.

1. I will lose twenty pounds by Will and Val's wedding. (It may require amputation of a major limb, but hopefully I can stand in such a way in the wedding photographs that it's not too noticeable.)

2. I will think about writing my own self help book that embodies a philosophy I have been working on for a while. It combines "The Secret" with feng shui, aromatherapy and yoga. I don't want to give it all away, but it involves you imagining yourself getting everything you want while you stand in the "tree" yoga position in a room with Eastward facing windows while lavender scented candles burn. (Tell me that's not a best-seller!)

3. I will find a hairdresser who will actually style my hair in such away that I don't go back to a ponytail within 72 hours. (Please, please, please.)

4. I will only eat organically grown, locally farmed, non-genetically modified, free-range, high fructose corn syrup free foods. (For at last one meal on the fourth Thursday of every month without an 'r' in it.)

5. I will wash my car at least twice a year. (Providing the weather is nice and the water police aren't watching.)

Okay, so those weren't exactly the resolutions most people have. Here is my real desire list,

1. Eat healthier, eat less, exercise more.
2. Moisturize more.
3. Finish the three writing projects I started last year.
4. Sell "Vegas Schmegas".
5. Complete the script Kelly and I are collaborating on.
6. Promote myself more, like by getting an agent or through self promotion.
7. Manage what little money I have so I can stay on sabbatical through 2009.
8. Worry less and enjoy more.
9. Be more patient.
10. Get "The Sunday Box" filmed and on the festival circuit.

That list is going to take a lot more work than the first one. Guess I better get started, huh?

New Year's Resolutions That Can Change the World

Every year we make New Year’s Resolutions, most of which are broken long before Martin Luther King Day. And the worst part is that most of these resolutions are purely selfish - “I’ll lose weight so I look good” or “I’ll quit smoking so I don’t get lung cancer. Well, I’m going to make some New Year’s resolutions that not only can I keep for more than 2 weeks, but could possibly benefit the entire planet. Yup, I’m that good!

1. I will try to cover my mouth whenever I cough or sneeze, thereby protecting the planet from a possible pandemic which could potentially decimate the world’s population. (You’re welcome.)

2. I will vote whenever possible, and potentially be responsible for electing a leader who can create lasting and effective change. (Stop laughing, it could happen.)

3. I will continue to buy cheap goods from third world countries, helping to support a global economy and feeling good knowing that while I am possibly buying goods made by small children in foreign sweat shops, at least I kept a few of them out of the international sex trade. (I made be made a saint.)

4. I will invest my resources in companies that support efforts to fight homelessness, support global communication and promote renewable energy. (Right now those companies are my landlord, the phone company and the power company.)

5. I will, if possible, allow myself to be bitten by a radioactive spider, so that I am transformed into a crime fighting superhero. (I live in Southern Nevada, near a Nuclear Test Site and Nuclear Waste Repository, this may not be as difficult as in might seem.)

There you have it, my resolutions for world change. Now I’m going to take a nap and conserve my energy for the greater good.