The Cicada Song

THE CICADA SONG

At twilight tonight I heard the cicada's cry
Their first call of the season
It is not the seductive sound of a sultry summer night
But a blaring siren, warning of the sweltering heat to come
The sounds of summer are still, beneath the blazing daylight sun
But as dusk begins to settle
The desert dwellers begin their sunset symphony
The hue and cry of heat, and of harmony.

Writing Update

Okay, so it's been a while since I gave an update on the status of my writing. I had lunch with a former co-worker yesterday and that always brings up the subject of how my writing is going. (Plus it always brings up how much I miss the people I used to work with. I really, really miss those guys!)

First, let me say that writing a novel is much harder than it looks. You would think that as a successful screenwriter that it would be a snap for me to write a novel. At least that's what I thought. But it's far more difficult and time consuming. So I have switched off the novel, just for a bit, to write some screenplays, so that I can feel the satisfaction of writing "Fade Out" (the screenwriters equivalent of "The End".) I will still finish the novel, I just had to set it aside for a tiny little so I could let my frustration level come down a bit and find my muse again.

So I finished a script this week, tentatively titled "The Sunday Box", the story of a man with Alzheimer's. Most of you know that my grandmother has the disease so it was written from a very personal level. Just a story I wanted to tell.

I am currently working on a couple of comedies. And I came up with another romantic comedy idea and one for a sort of horror comedy. I plan on having two more scripts completed by the end of July.

I think one of the things that went wrong as I started the novel was working opposite of what I know is best for me. I always write my first draft in longhand. I am a terrible typist (no jokes from the peanut gallery, please) and I can hand write the ideas that come from my brain faster than I can type them. It's a really good system for me, since when I then type it into the computer, I'm really working on a sort of second draft. But I decided to do my novel directly into the computer. BIG mistake. I started to get so hung up on word count and page count and doing so many words a day that I lost focus on the most important thing, the story. I think I was so focused on getting it 'right' that I just wasn't getting it at all. So after ramming my head against the wall a hundred or so times, I finally thought, why am I messing with a system that I know works? (And yes, I really am that obtuse sometimes.) When I go back to the novel, I'll go back as me, just as I am, instead of what I think a 'writer' is supposed to be like. Important lesson. Sometimes you have to do it wrong to get it right. And there is a lot of good stuff that I have already written, so it wasn't a complete waste.

I am also spending time trying to market the scripts I currently have and trying to get representation. Marketing is my weakest point and now it's time to step up and do it. It's not a fear of rejection, goodness knows I'm used to that. I'm just not great at the schmooze. But I'll never get anywhere if I don't put it out there so I'm sending query letters, etc. If anyone knows anyone who knows somebody that is an agent, manager, etc., send their contact information my way.

The cookbook is also coming along really well. It's probably my most fun project, because it involves two of my favorite activities, cooking and eating. Thanks again to my family for their incredible support. If I can find a place to hold the event, I want to have a "tasting party" so that I can get some feedback on the recipes I have created. I also need volunteers to make some of the recipes and let me know how they are for others to prepare (easy, hard, needs clearer instruction, etc.). If you are interested in helping out, email me and I'll pass along recipes for you to try and rate. And I'll be planning the tasting part for when the weather cools off a bit (so October at the latest, ha ha).

Okay, so that's the latest update. All is well in writing land. Progress is slower than I would like but I was probably overly confident when I started (strange how life teaches you these lessons in humility, isn't it?) I hope all is well in your world and that you are healthy, happy and making your dreams come true. I love you all!

Reasons I Think 'The Partridge Family' Were Serial Killers

Okay, when I started this blog I was writing short comedy pieces (a la McSweeney's) and have sort of devolved into a diary of my life which, quite frankly, isn't that interesting. So to get back to writing, here is a comedy piece. Enjoy. (Or don't, who the hell am I to tell you what to do?)


REASONS I THINK THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY WERE SERIAL KILLERS

Where was Dad? Hmm? Dead, Gone? Nobody ever talked about him...

Danny Bonaduce

Did they really need a huge school bus for six people and a drum set? I don't think so. But to transport bodies, maybe....

The Manson Family. The Partridge Family.

They replaced Chris with a totally different kid! No one noticed that he went from a skinny dark haired kid to a chubby blond one? I think Tracy noticed but she was too afraid to say anything...

Danny Bonaduce

Have you ever listened to the lyrics of their songs?
"I can feel your heartbeat, but you didn't even say a word." - Okay, ewww
"I only want to make you happy, and if you say hey go away I will, but I think better still I better stay around" - Look, I know you think you love me but if I say go away, I mean GO AWAY. Can you say restraining order?
"We had a dream we'd go traveling together, spread a little lovin' then we'd keep moving on" - Keep moving on? Like ahead of the law?

They picked up hitchhikers. All the time. Sure, any normal single mother with small children would do that...

Reuben Kincaid, what kind of manager was he? One week they are playing Ceasars Palace, the next week a pizza joint on Highway 110. I think he was just there to keep the body count in check. Plus his hair screams sociopath.

Danny Bonaduce - I mean, c'mon, who wasn't creeped out by him?

Remember the TDK killer? Tracy, Danny, Keith? Coincidence? You decide...

Truly One of the Greats

I am so saddened by the death of George Carlin. He was, I believe, one of the most influential comics in history. He was both cerebral and crude, intellectual and every man. I was fortunate enough to see him live a few years ago, and he was brilliant. He was such a fixture in comedy that I just can't believe he's gone. My mother loved the "Hippy Dippy Weather Man" so I have included a tribute with that bit in it. Rest in peace, George. I know that somewhere in Heaven today, angels are laughing.

Busy Weekend

It's going to be a busy weekend. I have to go check on Val and Will's place, so their crack addict neighbors don't know they are away (hopefully the crack addicts don't read the fnnygrl blog) and then I have to go to buys some props for this weekend's shoot. We are (finally) shooting Brick Morgan, the spoof trailer we have been working on for a year. (Most Smidgits are only a few weeks from concept to completion but this one has been around a long time. I guess it needed to simmer a while.) Kelly told me yesterday at the meeting that I'm directing, which is fine. It's a lot of green screen stuff since we have a lot of special effects in this one but I directed some green screen work on the Jerseynaut so I think it will be okay.

We are shooting Saturday and Sunday all day (which means I'll miss the RWA chapter meeting gosh dang it). It's funny to me that we need two full days of shooting for a trailer when we can shoot a whole episode in a few hours usually. We shot two Chef Shelly's in a half day and The Sign in about three or four hours. But those were simple setups whereas this has a lot of action sequences. I guess it's understandable since a trailer is usually cut from hundreds of hours of footage and we don't have hundreds of hours. I admire Mark and Kelly for all the editing work they have to do after the 'easy' task of filming is done. Learning to edit is on my "to-do" list during the 'year of writing dangerously'. I guess I need to get on that too, huh?

I like filming because the more I do it, the better I get at it. And that's what learning is all about. But it's going to be two very long, hot days. Bless the actors especially John Baniqued. he has the patience of a saint and is always so willing to do just about anything we ask and risking life and limb on many a set. John, you ROCK! Brick Morgan is all about you my friend! Brick Morgan is back, Summer 2008!

Never Put Off Today What You Can Put Off Until Next Week

Okay, I am the queen of procrastination. I admit it. And probably because I am so good at it (I once took an independent study course in college and I had ALL semester to write the paper and I wrote it the night before it was due and had to have my friend Michelle help me type it at three in the morning because I would never have finished on time - and I got an A) I do it stil, even though I know better.

So I have a meeting today at the Smidgits office to go over the budget for the Vegas show (yes, I did finish the script on tim last week). And I told Kelly I would take a pass at writing a replacement sketch for one he wasn't too happy with. It's one he wrote but he wants something different so I said I'd try it. The meeting is at one, it's now eight-thirty and I haven't done a thing. Oh, I'll get it done. And it's just a short sketch and I know the bones of what I want to write. But have I done it? No. Why? Because I'm a lazy procrastinator, that's why.

One of the things I knew I'd have to do when I quit my job to write full time was really be disciplined and I haven't done that. I have used every excuse (some more legitimate than others) and I haven't done what I really needed to do which was really make sure I did what I needed to do and not get sidetracked. Well, blast it, I get side tracked all the time. So that's it, no more pussyfooting around, it's time to get uber-serious and get to work.

I have a new schedule and I'm going to stick to it. I need you, my loyal readers, to help me crack the whip. Keep me on task and make me accountable for my work. Please. I'm asking because if I don't I won't accomplish my goals and then I'll have done it all for nothing. Any help would be gratefully appreciated.

Okay, now I have to go write a Smidgit sketch so I can turn it in on time today. I'm turning over a new leaf. Today. Or maybe tomorrow. Monday at the latest. Yeah, Monday. Monday's good. Wait, am I doing something on Monday....

Dog Sitting

While Will and Val are off to Wisconsin to see Val's grandparents, we are dog sitting for their dog, Pax.

I normally have my dog, Java, following me around the house. My mom calls her my 'shadow'. But now I have Pax following me around as well. Two shadows. Pax and Java see each other every week when Will and Val come over on Sundays (we wanted to get them socialized before he came to stay.) She doesn't like him getting to much attention and now that his mommy and daddy are gone he is clinging to me and boy is it making my dog jealous. Plus they are eating each other's food.

It's going to be a long week!

My Mom and the Wii

My mom is so funny when it comes to the Wii. She's going to be an age that she'll kill me if I mention but her kids are in their mid-thirties so you can guess. I got our family a Wii for Christmas (stood in line, in the cold, etc.) We play it every Sunday when my brother and his fiancee come over. We usually go to lunch and then come home and play Wii and have whatever evil dessert I have invented that week. This week we went to breakfast and so we played on the Internet and talked and then played Wii. My brother wanted to play tennis so I played him and he kicked my butt (and I used to be able to beat him in straight sets so I guess I need to start practicing again). Then he played my mom.

Now every time my mom plays a new Wii game, she picks it up really fast. Like she usually beats ALL of us, swiftly and soundly. So fast in fact that she must be some kind of video game genius. So the same thing happened this week with tennis. Within seconds she and my brother were volleying for a long, long time. Finally my brother beat her but only because she hasn't yet figured out how to play both the front and back of the court characters yet. Once she does, look out. (The only thing she hasn't kicked butt in is Mario Cart. She can't keep her car on the track. So far, we can beat her in that one.)

I posted pictures of my mom and brother playing (shh, don't tell, they would both probably kill me), and that's Val (my future sister-in-law) on the chair watching them. My mom turns into Venus and Serena while she's playing, she gets into a stance and runs around like she's on an actual court. It's very entertaining.

This week my mom wondered aloud if anyplace rented Wii games so we could try some more out. I told her that they did, especially up at Hollywood Video and she wanted to go rent some. RIGHT NOW. Like she's 12 and couldn't wait. Her earnestness made Val and I crack up. She then volunteered her accumulated gift certificates from Best Buy so we could go buy some games. I'm telling you, she was like a little kid, who couldn't wait to get more, More, MORE.

Next we want the Wii Fit, which I would have already gotten but they are sold out everywhere. Can't Nintendo just put enough out so everybody can get one? XBox and Playstation seem to be able to do that. It's really annoying.

Will and Val are going on vacation this week but I promise, when they get home, I'll take my mom to the video store and get her some games.

Who Would Do Something Like That?

Or maybe the better question is why?

We were awoken Saturday morning a little before three a.m. to the sound of shattering glass. Well, I should say that my Mom and Grandma were awoken. My room is the converted garage on the other side of the house which is pretty well insulated so I didn't hear anything until my Mom came in my room to get the step stool. Someone had hurled two rocks through the brand new windows my mom just had replaced in April. After living with a broken window for longer than I can remember, my mom decided to have it replaced. No one knows how or when the window got broken but it had a huge crack in it since long before my dad died and that was almost nine years ago. But it had that window tint film on it so it never shattered so it just got left there. It was my parents bedroom and since my dad had worked the night shift a lot, the windows had thick pads between the window and the curtain to keep light out, and the window never got used as a window so I guess no one ever cared enough to replace it.

But my mom has been wanting to fix up her house (she put it on hold while she was battling cancer and confided to me that now that she has been in remission for nearly five years she guessed she wasn't going to die anytime soon so she's finally ready to work on the house) and the first thing she did was replace the broken window. But due to the tint on the non-broken window, she really had to replace both front windows. So she found a glazier and had the windows replaced. (She has since painted the house and put rock in the front yard. See here for the before and after)

I joked that the neighbors were going to think that we were being uppity for fixing up the house. We live in an older neighborhood (our house has been in our family for generations, bought by my grandparents when it was new over forty-five years ago. That may not seem all that old, but trust me, in Las Vegas it's ancient) I said we should leave the broken window so people don't think we have very much (and since we don't, we'd be right). But I didn't honestly think someone would smash the new windows.

Seriously, who does something like that? First of all, one of the rocks they threw was big and heavy and could have killed my grandmother if it had hit her. Fortunately it didn't but they don't know who or what is behind that curtain. Glass went everywhere, on the floor, on her bed, in her shoes. Thank goodness my mom got in to her room in time to keep my grandma from getting out of bed and cutting herself. It took forever to get most of the glass up. We will be finding tiny shards for months, I'm sure. Secondly, why would you pick my mom's house? She has never done anything to anyone. Ever. She's such a good person who has had to deal with a whole lot of awful in her life. It takes a really ugly person to pick on the 4'9" older cancer surviving widow, let me tell you. If I ever found out who did it, I don't think I can be held accountable for my actions.

Look, we'll fix the windows. But you can't fix my mom's fear that it will happen again. You can't fix her disappointment that her lovely house is forever marred by this incident. You can't fix her distrust of the neighborhood she has lived in for more than thirty years. My mother, the saint, feel that there will be a karmic punishment for whoever did this. I, on the other had, would welcome a public stoning. (That's why she's a saint and I am forever trying to be more like her.) I'm glad she isn't more angry. But I wish I could do something to make her less afraid.

Happy Friday the Thirteenth

Yes, it's Friday the 13th, are you scared?

No, I'm not. I don't mind 'Friday the Thirteenth' any more than I mind 'Monday the Sixteenth' or 'Thursday the Twenty-third'. But then I don't suffer from triskaidekaphopia (fear of the number thirteen), It's kind of funny when you think about it. Asian cultures aren't afraid of it, Greeks think it's 'TUESDAY the thirteenth' that's bad and Italians think it's 'Friday the Seventeenth.' I loved the movie "Saturday the Fourteenth" when I was a kid. (It's a totally campy monster romp starring Paula Prentiss and Richard Benjamin.)

I don't think Margaret Thatcher, Steve Buscemi or the Olsen twins think that Friday the Thirteenth is a bad day, since they were all born on a Friday the Thirteenth. (Okay, the Olsen twins may be evil spawn, so let's pick Julia Louis-Dreyfus instead, she was born on F13th too.) Some people say that F13th is a bad day because Jesus was crucified on a Friday, but I argue that since Christians call that day "Good Friday" you can't be scared of it. (I've also always contended that it was wrongly named, but that is beside the point.)

Look, I'll admit to a few superstitions. I throw salt if I spill it. I occasionally knock on wood. I won't walk under a ladder unless it's a pain to go around it then my lazy ass will just deal with the bad luck. It's not that I have no fear, it's just that I have things that are real and tangible that I fear way more than a date on a calendar.

I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of dentists. I'm afraid of growing old alone and no one finding my body for a really long time after I die. I'm afraid of outliving my family. I'm afraid of making a really horrible movie that becomes a cult classic because it's so bad. I'm afraid of parties where I don't know anybody.

But do you know what? I go the the dentist (albeit with some help from prescription Xanax). I make movies (good and bad) because it's what I love to do. I try to keep my family safe and healthy so they can be around as long as possible. And I go to parties where I don't know anybody because you never know who you might meet (and the food might be good.) Mark Twain once said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

Fear is good, fear is what keeps us on our toes, what keeps us from deep danger. As long as you don't let fear keep you from doing what you need to do to make yourself happy. So I'll drive to the store today and I won't freak out if a black cat crosses my path. And I'll pick up my pen and keep writing, because the adventure I'm on right now is the scariest thing I've ever done. But it's okay, I have my fingers crossed and a four leaf clover just in case.

Deadlines!!!

Okay, I can't post long today (or watch Hulu either!) because I have to finish the second episode of the new Vegas series that Smidgits is working on. We are shooting the pilot episode soon and we are trying to figure out if we have enough money in the budget to shoot two. (Saving some money on actors and locations if possible by doubling up). And since the budget meeting is Saturday I have to get the script to Kelly by tomorrow and of course it's not finished because I procrastinate. So I gotta get my butt in gear. Longer post tomorrow, thanks for bearing with me loyal readers!

My Dream Job

If you get a chance, check out Christopher Lawrence's column on Mondays in the Las Vegas Review-Journal. It's a TV lovers dream. He's a television critic. Yes, he gets to watch television FOR A LIVING. (I'm so jealous!)

I've been reading his column for a while now, it's funny and smart and has lots of great info. This week his column was about watching TV on the internet. He recommended some sites like Hulu, Fancast, and Veoh to watch current and classic television shows (they have some full length movies as well.) I knew about Veoh because they have feature some of our Smidgits videos but they have changed formats recently to focus more on the "big guns". I checked out Hulu on Mr. Lawrences recommendation and I love it. Except I really should be writing, not watching even more television.

I sent Mr. Lawrence an email thanking him for his great column and he wrote back suggesting I catch "Kitchen Confidential" on Hulu. I did. It's a great show, really funny. Catch the first episode and you'll never look at a French chef the same way again. Check it out.

I Seriously Need to Learn to Scam

Okay, so I was on Facebook (yes, I'm a sheep, but I blame my friends. I'm on MySpace to promote the film but I blame Tina for Facebook) and I saw an ad that read:

"Just Break Up? How you can get instant relief from the pain of break up. How you can win them back, even if they are with someone else right now. What you should do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages."

and then you give them your name and email address and they will tell you how much these amazing secrets will cost you. ($39.00 plus shipping and handling). No, I didn't give them my name and address, I Googled around because I was intrigued not by his methods, but by the sheer fact that this even exists. It's by some guy named T.W. Jackson who admits that he has no training (or education) in any form of psychology or therapy, but through his own experience he has the 'secrets' to winning back your ex, attracting women, stopping divorce, etc. He's even got this hysterical testimonial video where he just shows screen shots of emails that say things like "I Got Him Back!". He also has posts on fake blogs touting his effectiveness written by 'strangers' who apparently write anonymous blogs.

I admit it, he's brilliant. Oh, not as a relationship expert, but as a scam artist. Wow. Lonely, desperate people paying forty bucks for bogus advice.

Want some advice, for free?
For instant relief for the pain of a break up, drink until you pass out.
How can you win them back, even if they are with someone else right now? You can't. They've moved on, get over it.
What should you do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages? STOP CALLING!

But his advertisement did start me thinking, I need a scam. I have no experience, qualifications or training, so I could 'help' people too!

I'm not sure what my scam will be. I was thinking I could contact the Nigerian scam people and offer to edit and proofread their scam emails. They always use such bad grammar that you can totally tell it's not real - okay, most people can tell, but obviously there are a few people too ignorant or greedy to see through their cunning ruse. I know that if I had to get millions of dollars out of the bank that my dead husband had left, but I needed a few measly thousand to pay the fees or whatever, I would send emails to random strangers asking them for help and promising them a great share of the profits. And I'd write it so badly with poor broken English, even though I am a doctor or the wife of a diplomat, because I'm obviously too distraught to spell check.

Maybe I'll be a self-help guru.

I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO WORK FROM HOME! FOR ONLY $19.95, I'LL GIVE YOU THE SECRET OF HOW TO WORK FROM HOME AND MAKE MONEY!
(Hint: You quit your job and you sell scams for $19.95)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, ACT NOW AND I'LL INCLUDE MY GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS METHOD!
(Eat less, exercise more.)

Obviously, to paraphrase P.T. Barnum, there is a sucker born every minute, and you can reach them all through the Internet.

Garden Update

It's been a while since I updated y'all on the status of my garden. You can see from the picture progression that it is growing well. I can't cut the mint back fast enough, it just keeps growing and spreading and sending out new shoots. Makes great mojitos! I'm going to do a rack of lamb with mint sauce this week. We are eating two or three tomatoes a day from the garden. My new favorite is a BLT salad with lettuce, tons of tomatoes, bacon and home made fresh ciabatta croutons. Gosh is it yummy. I oven tried some tomatoes the other day for a pizza and the only word I can use to describe them was perfumey. Thew were magnificent, and when they were roasted they were so intense it was like a rich tomato paste. With fresh basil and a little mozzarella...heaven! The chives are also awesome. It's so cool to just go out and cut what herbs I need. We have decided to double the garden next year to give it more room. It is really a boon to my cookbook to have the herb garden so handy.

I also haven't updated Gourmand Girl in a while so check it out, there are new postings today.

Started Me Thinking

Okay, the "Last Comic Standing" thing got me to thinking that I really miss my comedy friends. So I wrote to my favorite producer, the lovely Joe Jarret to say hi and catch up. His daughter is graduating high school next week. I can't believe it. When I first met her she was a lovely pre-teen girl holding a tiny puppy. Her parents wouldn't let her watch the comics (due to material) but they always let her come down and see me before the show. Now she's a beautiful seventeen year old. Her parents did an awesome job raising her and congrats to Alyce on her graduation.

So Joe invited me to come perform at Funniez again and do some comedy and catch up. I told him I'd love to so he's going to call me when he has some dates available. Then he asked for a new headshot for the publicity materials. Gulp. I hate headshots and the only person who takes a great picture of me is the fabulous photographer Grace, who unfortunately lives in California now. So I took the picture below to have something to send to Joe until I can have Grace take a new set. Is it too cheesy? My family doesn't think so for a comedy headshot (but I'd never put it on the back of my book!)

I was thinking that when I perform at Funniez I would tape the sets and edit them and maybe start booking myself again. I'm working from home so I could go out on the road. (I have a laptop so I could write from wherever.) Just a thought. We'll see what happens.

And yes, I said I took the picture myself. I took it with Photo Booth on my Mac, published it to iPhoto and voila. It's amazing! I wasn't wearing any makeup (thank goodness for black and white photography) and I just took it to see what I could do but it didn't turn out half bad considering it was lit with my desk lamp. Computers are so amazing!

Last Comic Standing

People have asked me for years why I don't try out for "Last Comic Standing". I hated the show in the early years because the comics had to live together in the same house while they competed in weird 'challenges' and then had the 'head to head' showdown between only two comics per week. It was awful and I stopped watching. I would never be a part of something like that. Now the format has apparently changed (or so it seems from the show I saw last night) and hopefully that means no more living together like one big, funny dysfunctional family.

I'll tell you a secret...shh, don't tell anyone I told you this...but a lot of comics are not nice people. Many comics, especially those that are just trying to break into the business, are mean, evil people who wouldn't help their own mothers unless it furthered their career in some way. Now not everyone is that way. I know some wonderful, supportive, helpful comics who aren't motivated by jealousy and fear. My comedy 'fairy godmother', Joni Grassey, is a lovely and incredibly funny and talented woman who has helped my career more than I can ever thank her for. If she couldn't do a gig, she recommended me for the job. She introduced me to producers who booked me in shows. She helped me when we performed in 'Funniest Females' for nine months and let me tell you, those six nights a week, two shows a night meant more to my career than anything. And when I needed help with my film, she was right there for me, helping me with the fundraising and taking on one of the parts. She is awesome, and an example of how to be, so I've always tried to emulate her. There are some other terrific comedians who always were supportive and nice, like Bob Saget and Lenny Clark and Richard Jeni and Rob Sherwood and many more I could name. But here were even more than were mean or rude or spiteful or crazy. (Remind me to tell you my Margaret Cho story sometime.)

I never realized what awful human beings some comics really were until I started making films. I met a lot of really great, supportive, friendly and helpful people before, during and after production on Supermodels. It was so refreshing to see a group of people working towards the same goal who actually supported one another. Maybe it's because film making is a group effort while comedy is a solo enterprise.

Anyway, that's one of the reasons I never tried out for the show. The idea of living with other comics (especially ones who wanted to see you lose so they could succeed) was akin to voluntarily going to prison. Uck. But the biggest reason is that comedy is subjective. It's hard to compare comedians. What I like, you may hate. Like I dislike prop acts but Carrot Top is one of the most successful comics in the business. I love Lenny Clark (if you don't know who that is, see the film "When Standup Stood Out", about the Boston comics, and you will get a peek at the beginnings of this genius comic. I mean it, he's brilliant. And I still have all of the episodes of his TV show "Lenny" on tape. Lenny teased me that even HE doesn't have all of the episodes of Lenny!) But most people don't even know who he is. The reason most comedy shows have multiple performers is for that reason, because not everybody thinks the same thing is funny. Some people like dark humor, others like it raunchy, others like topical humor. So how do you say someone is a winner and someone is a loser?

'Last Comic Standing' has never had a female winner. Comedy is still a man's game. That's just the way it is. Look at the lineup at any comedy club and you will see a majority of males. It's generally considered that women and men will laugh at a male comic but it's hard to get guys to laugh at a female comic. I know it's not true, there are a lot of guys who can appreciate females doing comedy but tell that to the bookers of some clubs. Thank goodness for some of the great producers I have worked with who like women comics.

So that's why I've never tried out for the show. Look, I'd love national TV exposure. I've won comedy competitions before. Am I funnier than some of the comics on the show? Well, I'd like to think so. Watching some of the acts last night was painful (and my family laughs at me when I finish the joke before the comic on TV does.) But I miss comedy, I really do. I love writing and making films. But there is something about standing on a stage, microphone in hand, telling jokes and hearing the audience laugh...well, it's a feeling that is hard to describe. It's an amazing ego boost (unless you bomb, then it's a gut wrenching experience) and for me, it's a giving feeling. To know, that even if just for a few minutes, you took someone who had a bad day or a bad week, and you made them laugh and forget their problems, well, that's just a really cool thing. So I hope the people on the show appreciate the opportunity to make so many people laugh. And I wish them luck. But I'm glad it's not me.

News: The Sad, the Strange and the Rest

Okay, I had no idea what to write about today - then, when I logged onto the Internet, a strange news story caught my eye.

"Missing Lighthouse Found" - Apparently an iron lighthouse from Massachusetts thought to have been dismantled and destroyed in 1925 was actually found to have been moved to California. An iron lighthouse. Seriously? Nobody thought to say, "hey guys, I'm not gonna throw away this lighthouse, I think I'll move it instead." Some surmise that the lighthouse was disassembled bolt by bolt then reassembled at it's new location. Don't you think that's a lot of work for people to not know what happened to it? I know that communication in 1925 wasn't exactly what it is now but still, it hardly seems like something you'd keep secret. I guess what bothers me the most is that it took over eighty years for researchers to discover it. There are only 700 lighthouses in the U.S. Lighthouse lovers are fanatics about lighthouses. They publish magazines with articles, calendars with pictures, make pilgrimages to them, etc. And nobody went, "hmmm, this lighthouse looks a lot like the one we lost". It took these Sherlock Homes wanna-bees almost a century to figure it out. Do not hire these people to find your missing kid.


The sad news is late, I will admit. I meant to blog it when it happened last week but just forgot. (Let's blame my illness, okay?). Sidney Pollack died on May 26th at the age of 73. He got started in acting but quickly found his niche as a director, first in television then in film. He directed some absolutely outstanding films, like The Way We Were, Three Days of the Condor, The Electric Horseman, Out of Africa (okay, he obviously had a special relationship with Robert Redford since they did some amazing work together), The Firm and my personal favorite, Tootsie. He also produced an impressive list of great films, so many accomplishments that I can't list them all here. (But check out his IMDB listing if you want more info.) He also acted in many films and even played the recurring role of Will's dad on "Will and Grace". I have a list of people I would like to work with and Sidney was at the top of my list. He now moves to the list of people I sincerely regret never haven gotten the chance to work with (in case you are wondering, others on that list include Colleen Dewhurst, John Houston, Robert Altman, Sidney Sheldon and John Ritter)
Thank god for the movies, because great talents like Sidney Pollack's will never really die.


In the rest of the news, Hilary Clinton will concede the nomination for President to Barack Obama, probably tomorrow. If he is smart and in tune with what will win him the election, Obama will then choose Clinton as his running mate. To not do so may fracture the Democratic party and allow McCain to win. These are only predictions folks, I'm not endorsing any particular candidate. However, should my predictions come true, we would have a truly historic ticket. And I am right once again. I always said that this country would have a black male president before any woman. I'm not being biased, it's just based on the fact that black men had the right to vote (let's leave Jim Crow debates aside please) before women did and on Star Trek there was a black male captain (Deep Space Nine) before a female (Voyager). Again, I'm not being racist here, merely pointing out the facts as I see them.

Okay, gotta go work on some recipes. The current ingredient I'm working with is Harissa, a red chili paste that originated in Tunisia. It is the North African version of sambal. It's hot but has a really great flavor due to the addition of garlic and spices. Off to the kitchen to be a mad scientist!

Underrated Movies

I read another blog where a woman wrote about movies. Most of the movies she reviewed were not popular films, her choices were more like older and foreign films. Now I love older films (love, love, LOVE classic Bette Davis films like Jezebel, Now, Voyager and All This and Heaven Too) and I adore foreign films - please see Adam's Apples (available on Netflix and playing on the Sundance channel) and Reprise (in limited release but sure to be on DVD at some point). But I also love films that are, perhaps, a little less lofty in their aspirations. I love films that entertain, with no higher purpose than that.

On this particular blog, the author had a list of her most underrated movies. One of these movies was The Rapture, starring Mimi Rogers. Now I will never criticize another person's choices because movies speak to each viewer differently. But I hated The Rapture. I have seen it twice because I thought I'd give it a second chance. But I still hated it. It didn't speak to me. And that's okay. There have been lots of films that millions of people have loved that I didn't (The English Patient? Ugh. Knocked Up? So completely unbelievable to me and I so don't relate) But it got me thinking about films I liked that I don't think got any attention. So I am paying homage to those films by spreading the word. These are films I enjoy. I'd love for others to enjoy them too. But if you don't like them, that's cool by me. I'd love to hear your choices too!


The film I'm recommending today is Bride and Prejudice. I love it because it combines two of my favorite things, Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and Bollywood. For those who are unfamiliar with Bollywood, it's a style of film making from India (which makes way more films each year than Hollywood does). Some of the key components in Bollywood films are bright costumes, large musical numbers, guest musical performances and the heroine never kisses the hero. I love these films because they are a lot like my beloved Elvis musicals of the early sixties, and I love the sweet, simple stories like Elvis in Clambake, Spinout and Viva Las Vegas.

Bride and Prejudice follows these Bollywood traditions with an added Western flair. Directed by Gurwinder Chada of Bend It Like Beckham fame (another great film, and starring the ever so handsome Irishman Jonathan Rhys-Myers) and written by her husband Paul Mayeda Berges, B&P is a comedic retelling of the Austen classic.

Acclaimed Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai (once named the most beautiful woman in the world) stars as Lalita (the Lizzie Bennett character) and Martin Henderson plays Mr. Darcy. It's a charming adaptation which spans the globe from India to London to California. The India locals are beautiful and I'd love to go visit some day. The costumes are wonderful and the musical numbers are well incorporated. If you are a fan of either Jane Austen or the Bollywood style, you'll love the films. If you just love romantic comedies and/or musicals then you should check it out as well. Available on DVD and running occasionally on cable on the Starz network.



Got a favorite film that you think is underrated dear readers? Let me know. I'll accept guest columns for this ongoing series. Next time I'll review my favorite Melanie Griffith film (who knew that was even possible!)

Updates and Choices

Okay, I had to go to the doctor again this week. For those of you who know my aversion to doctors this is a HUGE thing. But after the first round of antibiotics, I wasn't all better. My pink eye is gone, thank heavens, but I was still hacking and stuff. I felt better but not well. Then yesterday I had an even worse sore throat and my ear was hurting too and I just couldn't take it so I went back to the doc. She said my sinus infection hadn't cleared and so I'm on a new round of antibiotics. This one has a lovely possible side effect of my flesh falling off. I'm not kidding. It's rare but not so rare that both the doctor and the pharmacist emphasised to me the need to watch for any skin conditions. Ick. But I supposed any antibiotic that can strip your skin from your bones should kill my sinus infection, right? And isn't it great that now that I'm poor and unemployed I get sick and have to go to the doctor a bunch? Yay for me.

So my head still isn't in the game, writing wise. It's tough because I've fallen behind my self imposed goals. But I'm not doing my novel justice. So this week I have set my novel aside and I am working on my cookbook. I have a lot of dreams to accomplish in my 'year of writing dangerously' so I can't waste time. So I'll work on the cookbook. It's tentatively titled "Cooking Outside Your Comfort Zone" and it's for home cooks who want to branch out and learn about different ingredients and techniques to make themselves more adventurous cooks. It's been cool because my family is willing to eat all of the things I'm inventing for the book and now my brother and his fiancee are trying some of my recipes and techniques themselves (which is the whole point of the cookbook, so it's already working, sort of). So I don't look it as a step back to work on the cookbook, just a choice to not waste any of the precious time I have.

Gotta go back to work. Wish me luck that this antibiotic works (and doesn't give me flesh eating disease!)

Movie Time

Okay, so here are my weekend movie reviews:

Death at a Funeral - A British comedy about a man named Daniel who's is dealing with his wife, his life, and his crazy friends and family all during the funeral of his father. Somebody I was talking to said it wasn't a British comedy because Frank Oz directed it. Well, Frank Oz is British (who knew Miss Piggy was English bacon?) And the writer of the film is British and most of the cast is British. So it's a British comedy. I love British comedies but this one was just a bit over the top. The Brits love to throw together a whole circus full of crazy characters and have them do a whole bunch of zany things as a way of exposing their foibles and insecurities. Most of the times this works because they stop just short of utter ridiculousness. But DAAF takes it all the way over the top. We're talking toilet humor and naked people and midgets here. Makes me glad I'll die in the good old USA. I loved the cast (although what was up with Matthew MacFayden's hair? He was so cute as Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice and so pudding-faced and nebbishy here) and some of the setups were really pretty funny. But after a while you felt like crying "give me a break!" I loved the house in the film though, especially the picture gallery in the stairwell. If I ever have a country manor, I'm gonna do that in my house.


I Am Legend - Gosh darn it, Will Smith is a great actor. He was alone for huge chunks of this movie and he carried it off beautifully. I could read a huge range of emotions on his face and it was brilliant. There is a scene between Will and a female mannequin (yes, I said mannequin) in a video store late in the movie that will break your heart. Will is a doctor and seemingly the last alive after a virus destroys civilization. I fast forwarded through the 'zombie' scenes because I was afraid it was going to be some gory 'zombie' film but it wasn't and I could have watched them at regular speed. I liked the film and appreciated the fact that the not-so-distant future wasn't depicted as a horrible place so foreign to what we know. (Well, except for that whole "hey, we can cure cancer, whoops, maybe we actually just made a virus that if it doesn't kill you makes you a flesh eating zombie" thing - shame on you Emma Thompson, how could you do that to us?) See it for Will Smith, and check out the artwork in his post apocalyptic pad.


I also watched the MTV Movie Awards. Now normally I like these tongue-in-cheek awards for their clever movie send-ups and I was looking forward to Mike Meyers as host. But this show must have been written by scatologically-obsessed eleven year old boys. They were crude, gross and unfunny. (The greatest sin of all is unfunny.) Watching Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey do "Wayne's World" again was actually painful - and again, unfunny. The only good moment was Adam Sandler's receiving the MTV Generation Award (So named because giving a 'lifetime achievement award' to a guy who is in his early forties is just weird). It was funny and charming, although Tom Cruise's intro made me wonder if he's ever even met Adam Sandler before, plus he had way too much spray tan and seemed to be channeling John Edwards (the former presidential candidate, not the psychic) with his strange white shirt and blue sweater combo. Tom Cruise is rapidly becoming a freak right before my eyes and I never thought I'd say that about 'Maverick'. On the other hand, a clean shaven Johnny Depp must be preparing to remake "21 Jump Street" because he looked about nineteen years old. Gosh was he hot. Maybe it's just because I missed clean cut Johnny under all the weird makeup he's been wearing for a while but he looked ever so good last night. Now if he'd just move away from France...

Okay, I gotta go write some novel now, have a great day and I'll see you at the movies!

Starting Over

Since I didn't get my book finished in May (due to being so sick for the past two weeks) I get to restart today. I'm looking at it as being ahead of the curve for June instead of being for May (glass half full). Thanks to the writers in the Book in a Month club who have been so supportive (Dyann Hunter, Maura Prenty and Tammy Buckner). You guys rock!