I'm No Saint

This week has been a roller coaster with The Graminator. In January she was complaining of extreme fatigue. So much so that she just wanted to sleep all the time. It's not healthy to sleep that much and we were very concerned about her quality of life. I read an article about the possibility that vitamin B-12 could help the elderly with not only fatigue but also dementia symptoms. So I started her on a sublingual B vitamin complex. And it changed her dramatically.

She stopped complaining of fatigue and was more alert, able to exercise more and became more participatory. She started reading the paper again. We were really surprised and pleased with the results. Even my Aunt, who lives in Florida, noticed the difference, when she spoke to The Graminator on the phone and was able to hold a conversation with her. Before phone calls were mostly one word answers, now she was chatting away.

Then a couple of weeks ago The Graminator got a UTI. We sent her tests off to the lab and the doctor called in a prescription for an antibiotic. She was on the antibiotic for a couple of days when the doctor's office called and said that the infection she had was resistant to the antibiotic she was on and to replace it with a different one they prescribed. So even though her symptoms seemed to be improving, we changed her medication. I don't know what was in that stuff, but it was not fun. Her memory got horrible again, she was tired and not only did I feel like we had regressed to where she was in January but that it was actually worse. Plus you don't even want to know about how it changed her digestive system.

So last Thursday was the last day on the antibiotic but by Sunday morning there wasn't really much improvement. On the way to Val's shower I had to tell here where we were going about thirty times. But coming home from the shower, she was bright and animated and very chatty. I don't know if it was seeing a baby or what, but it was a marked improvement. She had a doctor's appointment on Monday morning. On the way there she told me that while she wasn't depressed, she wasn't as "gay" as she used to be. (Boy, how word meanings have changed, huh?) She was upset about her incontinence and her lack of ability to do all that she did in her younger days. I can sympathize, it must be awful. But her doctor's visit went great, she has now gained all of the weight she lost during the hospital/rehab days and I can stop constantly nagging her to eat more (I'm still going to nag, just not as much), her blood pressure was excellent, everything looked wonderful. And she was so chatty with the doctor, her doctor was impressed (and said that the B vitamins weren't interfering with anything so I could keep giving them to her.)

So the rest of Monday, she was so active and chatty I couldn't keep up. She read the Sunday paper, the Monday paper and every magazine we had laying around. And by reading, I mean reading and understanding. She was reading me articles and saving columns for my mom to read and ripping recipes out of magazines for me to try. She was like a spinning top. I couldn't get any chores done because she was so active. She did 9 laps (a small circuit around out living room/kitchen area that I have her walk several time a day for exercise) without even slowing town (we usually do sets of four to six). And then she stayed up watching "Dancing With the Stars". Whew.

Of course, all that activity wore her out so yesterday she was practically narcoleptic. But we'll get back into the routine and I am now pretty confident that it was the antibiotic that was interfering with her brain chemistry and now that she's over it we'll regain the memory and activity that we lost. Yay! Learning about Alzheimer's has been a challenge. But I totally recommend to anyone with a loved one who is experiencing Alzheimer's or dementia to try the sublingual B vitamins. I don't know if it would work for others as well as it has worked for us, but it's certainly worth a try!

The title of the post was that I'm not saint and here's why. My friend Maura mentioned in a comment on this blog that I was great for doing all that I do plus cheerfully taking care of The Graminator. Well, that's so sweet an much appreciated, but let me tell you that it doesn't feel all that cheerful to me sometimes. I feel terrible, always nagging her, telling her what to do or what not to do, getting frustrated when she can't comprehend something or forgets. I feel like an awful person most of the time. If I rationalize my feelings, I think it's been worse lately because of the terrible incontinence and problems associated with the antibiotic. Now that she's better I feel optimistic again. Also, my mom has been working six days a week since Thanksgiving and I have had very little time for myself. I know that sounds horribly selfish, but I'm selfish sometimes, I told you that I'm no saint. But my Mom finally had a day off last Friday and I took a few hours for myself (okay, it was running errands after the table read but it was still time away) and I really needed it. being a 'parent' is a 24/7 job and can get overwhelming sometimes. I have a new respect for all parents and caregivers out there. You get all of the work and none of the glory.

Anyway, thanks for reading about the current chapter in The Graminator saga. Sorry this post wasn't more edifying or entertaining, I'll aim for that tomorrow!

P.S. I was able to do my part of the writer's tennis and it has now been passed on to Maura - hopefully she got the email- and when it's finally completed by Dyann then I'll post the finished story on this blog and we'll take Loyal Reader suggestions for a title. The winner gets...well, nothing. But it'll still be fun.

Tips for Raising an 87 Year Old

Today we will 'lose' our outside support system. Medicare and the insurance company will only pay for the nurse and physical therapist for a certain period of time and now that The Graminator's bedsore is nearly healed and she's walking they are going to discharge her. In a way I'm glad, because the nursing visits were mostly non-existent for the past month and while I loved her physical therapist Nathan (a great guy who not only remembered the Miller Family Steakhouse, a beloved and long gone restaurant of my youth, he actually worked there so we probably saw each other a zillion times and never knew it) at a certain point he was just repeating the same exercises because now it's only repetition that will get her stronger. I'll miss Linda, the CNA, the most, because she helped give The Graminator showers a couple of times a week and now I'll have to do it alone. I loved chatting with Nathan and Linda because they were awesome people who dedicate their lives to helping others and because they were cool. They both taught me a lot about how to care for The Graminator and I will always be grateful for them.

So here are a few things I have learned from them and on my own as I raise my very own 87 year old. (Many of these tips may also be applicable to toddlers.)

1. If you hook a gait belt through the back of the couch, you can make your own safety belt. But tuck the buckle behind them because roving fingers can sometimes get it open.
2. Commode chairs can actually do double duty as shower chairs.
3. Recipe for a 600+ calorie mocha: 3 heaping tablespoons weight gainer, 2 teaspoons Benefiber, 1 Tablespoon Scharffen Berger sweetened cocoa powder, 1 packet instant coffee and 1 cup half and half. Yes, it's crazy but it's helped The Graminator gain back three of the pounds she lost.
4. The Wal-Mart brand of Depends are actually better that the name brand and about 3 dollars less. Buy the pull up kind and they feel like big girl underwear, but you can still rip them down the side seams for easy exit if necessary.
5. Connect the dot puzzles are good for mental reasoning. Buy the K-1 and they are pretty easy to read for older eyes.
6. They won't always tell you when they have to go to the bathroom, so look for body clues and have them sit on the potty chair occasionally just to 'see if you can go'.
7. Tell them they won't get dessert if they don't eat their meal (but give them dessert anyway because they need the calories.)
8. Make them read out loud to you.
9. Even if it's easier for you to do it, make them do things themselves to give them a better sense of independence.
10. Patience isn't a virtue, it's a necessity.

Remember to love them and treasure them, because they won't always be with you.

Memories

Yesterday we had an appointment at The Memory Clinic. When The Graminator was in the hospital, someone referred her to the clinic. When they called us to schedule an appointment, I thought it was a big waste of time. We already knew she had Alzheimer's and she was on Aricept, so really, what more could we do?

I made the appointment anyway because the woman on the phone said it was very difficult to get an appointment with Dr. Singh and I figured I could always cancel it. Boy, am I glad we didn't. Can I just say that while The Graminator has a yucky HMO insurance (which both my mother and I have as well, because it's cheap and I'm an unemployed writer and my mom works at a day old bread store so what are you going to do?) we have found her doctors to be EXCEPTIONAL. I love her primary care doctor, Dr. Johnson, who looks like a middle aged housewife and nothing like a doctor and I found Dr. Singh to be totally cool.

First they gave The Graminator these somewhat bogus memory tests, some of which she couldn't do, not because of her memory but because of her vision issues. The tests really made my mom mad but we really weren't supposed to talk. Finally when the nurse was asking The Graminator what a specific item was (it was his watch) my mom got upset. The Graminator had never had a digital watch before so she had no idea what it was. My mom said "If I wanted to know what time it is, what would I look at?", to which The Graminator replied "Not that ugly thing!" (Yes, it was a big, ugly black plastic digital watch. My grandma is used to petite gold analog watches.)

Then Dr. Singh came in. We had looked him up on the Internet and it turns out that he is the head of Geriatrics for Southwest Medical. He is Sikh, I think, with the turban and beard and everything. He asked The Graminator some more questions but they were more interesting and relevant. He was totally funny too. When he noticed that The Graminator seemed hard of hearing he asked how long that had been going on. When we told him it was recent, since the fall, he looked in her ears. When he put the light thing in her left ear he asked my mom if she could see the light coming out the other side. Too funny. It turns out The Graminator has some wax in her ears which is affecting her hearing. Everyone else just put it down to old age. He said we could take her to an audiologist too but warned that hearing aids could run several thousand dollars. We'll see how the ear drops he prescribed do.

He also told us to have her vision checked again. He mentioned that while memory loss does happen as we age, we can slow it down and part of that is stimulating the brain, visually, audibly, etc. He prescribed an additional Alzheimer's drug, Namenda, to slow the progression of her memory loss. He said we can't get memory back (so we are stuck with her having little short term memory) but that we can keep her where she is and keep her quality of life intact. Without intervention, he said not only would she forget who and where she was, but even forget how to eat, etc. But he gave us lots of hope for that never happening. Today I'm going to buy her some flash cards and toys to play with to stimulate her brain (see, it really is like raising a two year old.)

He told us to stop the cholesterol medicine she is on (at 87 with no history of stroke or heart attack he said it was unnecessary) and to get her on a osteoporosis medication. He also gave us a lot of information on Reclast, the injectible osteoporosis drug and recommended it for my mom too, who has been having trouble with the other drugs like Boniva and Actonel and now is even having trouble taking simple calcium (it's causing terrible stomach issues.) He was AWESOME, really helpful and communicative and fun. He also said that my Grandma was blessed to have us, and that taking care of her at home was the best possible thing we could ever do. It make me very glad that I can be there for her, and very sad that so many seniors don't have that support system. I can't tell you how many people have commented on us and our care for her. It seems strange to me that we would be the exception and not the rule.

Did you know that life expectancy now is 78, but if you live to be 85 that your life expectancy actually goes UP to 91 or 92? And if you make it to 100, your life expectancy goes up again, to 102? But you got to take care of your brain, people. As you age, your brain loses important chemicals which causes memory loss. At the next appointment I am going to ask Dr. Singh what my mom and I can do to help our brains too, even when we are younger. I'll let you know. But right now, stimulate your brain with television and books and art and color and simple math. I believe that part who I am comes from my memories and experiences and I don't ever want to lose that!