It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life, and I'm Feeling Good

Happy New Year Everyone!

It's kind of funny, isn't it, how January first brings with it the promise of better things, better times, a new broom sweeping clean, etc, etc? That's a lot of pressure for one day, especially one that was proceeded by a night of heavy drinking. But I'll go with that flow because it seems appropriate that we should have a 'fresh start' day and why not 1/1/11?

For those of you just joining the Amused and Abused blogosphere, I will recap why we are here and what is going on. Feel free to peruse previous posts, some are actually quite entertaining (while others are merely folderol.) I began blogging earnestly in 2008 when I quit my 'day job' to pursue a more creative life. You can see from the amount of posts in 2008 and 2009 that I was posting nearly every other day on average. Then in 2010, it averaged more like monthly (with the reality being that I haven't posted since August). Augh, what a horrible thing for a "writer"!

My dream when I quit my job was that I would write hundreds, neigh, thousands of scripts, novels, sketches, poems, essays, etc. It is truly amazing how quickly one can get writer's block when one is confronted with the task of actually writing down the thousands of ideas running through her head. Gulp. Oh sure, I wrote a few things, but nothing like the quantity I wanted to write. I have a million excuses, er, reasons, why it didn't happen and sure, there were some legitimate interruptions (most noteably, the Graminator - my then 87 year old Grandmother who I help take care of - fell and broke her pelvis, meaning need for hospitalization and a major increase in care on my part.) But I still feel a bit of shame at that waste of precious time.

2009 came so quickly and brought some new challenges. I helped plan my brother's wedding and as part, baked a few things for the shower and wedding. This led to the 'a ha' moment where my mother said, "You could sell this stuff" and Glitter City Sweets was born. I found a commercial kitchen, baked up samples, set up a website and figured I would wait and see if it caught on. Boy, did it, and in directions I never anticipated. I soon was sending handmade marshmallows, yes marshmallows, and cookies and candies around the country. It was obviously meant to be. Oh, and I also spent my summer working on a fabulously funny film called "You People". It was my first feature film acting role, and it was a blast. I got to be with great people having a wonderful time and we ended up with an awesome film.

2010 came even more quickly it seems and the first half of the year whizzed by in a flurry of promoting GCS, marketing, networking, developing new recipes, etc. Then mid year, the wheels came off the track a little bit. I lost my dog of 15 years, which to a non-dog person may not seem like a great tragedy but affected me deeply. Then the Graminator, who is 89 at this point, suffered a cerebral hematoma. While the hospital stay was mercifully brief, the lasting repercussions were not. Due to her advancing Alzheimer's and weakening physical state, she was placed on home hospice. This means that she has 6-12 months to live. Because her conditions are not of the nature that anyone can predict an exact date, we get to live with the grim reaper constantly reminding us that we will lose her, probably sooner than later. More and more of my time is spent caring for her physical needs. Watching her slowly slipping away is exhausting and saddening. I already begin to miss her. But she still smiles at me and laughs at me and tells me she loves me, so the pain I feel is bittersweetly mixed with joy and admiration for a wonderful woman who has lived an amazing life. But life must still go on, and after a bit of a slow summer GCS took off for a record fall and holiday season. Blessed be the powers that brought this on, because quite frankly I needed the money to keep living this creative life. And amidst all of this, the family picked up a new hobby, handcrafting. (I use this generic term because we dabble in jewelry design, fiber arts, upcycling, etc.) This "hobby" led to the creation of a second small business, Glitzy Kitsch. It's still in it's infancy but one thing leads to another and it has germinated the seed of yet a third business in my mother's mind and I will move Heaven and Earth to help make her dreams come true. Oh, and that little movie I did? It has won handfuls of awards, played at film festivals big and small, and is now available for purchase on DVD and will soon be available on Amazon Video on Demand. It's a great film and now you will have no excuse for not checking it out.

So here we are in 2011, which is not only when we reflect on the past but look forward to the future. So what are my plans? Well, first up is the Graminator's 90th birthday this month. We are going to celebrate this milestone because of the achievement and because we know it may be her last. Secondly, I will write more. My writing life has taken a back seat to the other, more 'tangible' activities going on. But that's my fault and it is time to correct it. The world will never get to bask in the brilliance that is my writing if I don't get it out of my head, onto paper and out into the world. This includes blogging, so look for my posts, I am aiming for bi-weekly. I will post more to social media, since that seems to be the way of the future, the way to connect with other humans without having any actual human contact. I am working on building GCS up more, with a couple of irons in the fire that could take us to another level. The Glitzy Kitschers are crafting away and working towards their dreams and goals. And hopefully a little more filmmaking fun. Sounds like a lot, right? Well there are 365 new days to fill this year, so why not make them work for me?

Oh yeah, add the typical blah, blah, exercise more, eat right, yadda yadda. Most of that stuff flies out the window by January 11th anyway. So what are your REAL goals this year? What have you been waiting to do and what are you waiting for? Sure, 2011 is brand new, but it can take whatever you want to dish out. So what's it going to be Loyal Readers? Are you going to make this a fresh start? Is it a new dawn, a new day, a new life? Are you feeling good?

I'm No Saint

This week has been a roller coaster with The Graminator. In January she was complaining of extreme fatigue. So much so that she just wanted to sleep all the time. It's not healthy to sleep that much and we were very concerned about her quality of life. I read an article about the possibility that vitamin B-12 could help the elderly with not only fatigue but also dementia symptoms. So I started her on a sublingual B vitamin complex. And it changed her dramatically.

She stopped complaining of fatigue and was more alert, able to exercise more and became more participatory. She started reading the paper again. We were really surprised and pleased with the results. Even my Aunt, who lives in Florida, noticed the difference, when she spoke to The Graminator on the phone and was able to hold a conversation with her. Before phone calls were mostly one word answers, now she was chatting away.

Then a couple of weeks ago The Graminator got a UTI. We sent her tests off to the lab and the doctor called in a prescription for an antibiotic. She was on the antibiotic for a couple of days when the doctor's office called and said that the infection she had was resistant to the antibiotic she was on and to replace it with a different one they prescribed. So even though her symptoms seemed to be improving, we changed her medication. I don't know what was in that stuff, but it was not fun. Her memory got horrible again, she was tired and not only did I feel like we had regressed to where she was in January but that it was actually worse. Plus you don't even want to know about how it changed her digestive system.

So last Thursday was the last day on the antibiotic but by Sunday morning there wasn't really much improvement. On the way to Val's shower I had to tell here where we were going about thirty times. But coming home from the shower, she was bright and animated and very chatty. I don't know if it was seeing a baby or what, but it was a marked improvement. She had a doctor's appointment on Monday morning. On the way there she told me that while she wasn't depressed, she wasn't as "gay" as she used to be. (Boy, how word meanings have changed, huh?) She was upset about her incontinence and her lack of ability to do all that she did in her younger days. I can sympathize, it must be awful. But her doctor's visit went great, she has now gained all of the weight she lost during the hospital/rehab days and I can stop constantly nagging her to eat more (I'm still going to nag, just not as much), her blood pressure was excellent, everything looked wonderful. And she was so chatty with the doctor, her doctor was impressed (and said that the B vitamins weren't interfering with anything so I could keep giving them to her.)

So the rest of Monday, she was so active and chatty I couldn't keep up. She read the Sunday paper, the Monday paper and every magazine we had laying around. And by reading, I mean reading and understanding. She was reading me articles and saving columns for my mom to read and ripping recipes out of magazines for me to try. She was like a spinning top. I couldn't get any chores done because she was so active. She did 9 laps (a small circuit around out living room/kitchen area that I have her walk several time a day for exercise) without even slowing town (we usually do sets of four to six). And then she stayed up watching "Dancing With the Stars". Whew.

Of course, all that activity wore her out so yesterday she was practically narcoleptic. But we'll get back into the routine and I am now pretty confident that it was the antibiotic that was interfering with her brain chemistry and now that she's over it we'll regain the memory and activity that we lost. Yay! Learning about Alzheimer's has been a challenge. But I totally recommend to anyone with a loved one who is experiencing Alzheimer's or dementia to try the sublingual B vitamins. I don't know if it would work for others as well as it has worked for us, but it's certainly worth a try!

The title of the post was that I'm not saint and here's why. My friend Maura mentioned in a comment on this blog that I was great for doing all that I do plus cheerfully taking care of The Graminator. Well, that's so sweet an much appreciated, but let me tell you that it doesn't feel all that cheerful to me sometimes. I feel terrible, always nagging her, telling her what to do or what not to do, getting frustrated when she can't comprehend something or forgets. I feel like an awful person most of the time. If I rationalize my feelings, I think it's been worse lately because of the terrible incontinence and problems associated with the antibiotic. Now that she's better I feel optimistic again. Also, my mom has been working six days a week since Thanksgiving and I have had very little time for myself. I know that sounds horribly selfish, but I'm selfish sometimes, I told you that I'm no saint. But my Mom finally had a day off last Friday and I took a few hours for myself (okay, it was running errands after the table read but it was still time away) and I really needed it. being a 'parent' is a 24/7 job and can get overwhelming sometimes. I have a new respect for all parents and caregivers out there. You get all of the work and none of the glory.

Anyway, thanks for reading about the current chapter in The Graminator saga. Sorry this post wasn't more edifying or entertaining, I'll aim for that tomorrow!

P.S. I was able to do my part of the writer's tennis and it has now been passed on to Maura - hopefully she got the email- and when it's finally completed by Dyann then I'll post the finished story on this blog and we'll take Loyal Reader suggestions for a title. The winner gets...well, nothing. But it'll still be fun.

It's Picture Day!

I'm too tired to write much today (why does 'spring forward' kick my butt so much?) so I thought that since a picture is worth a thousand words, I'd give you ten thousand words (ah, if only it really was that easy.

Here is The Graminator, with her new glasses and haircut. Isn't she adorable? I think I'm going to put these in my wallet and when someone asks if I have kids I'm gonna pull out the pictures of my 'little one'.




Okay, it might not be as cute as Dyann's new haircut, but it's still cute.



Here are shots from Friday's Vegas Schmegas shoot. We worked hard, laughed a lot and made great comedy. What more can you ask for?






We had a great time filming even though it was a lot of work. But we got what we needed and we made the day. It's magic, I tell you, magic.

Happy Birthday Dear Graminator

Tomorrow, The Graminator will turn 88. And while it's been a tough year, she's still amazing. Every day we laugh. Deep, happy belly laughs. She may be losing her memory but not her sense of humor. She is so patient and calm, even when I'm agitated and frustrated.

She has lived an amazing life. She was born in Beech Lick, West Virginia, a town so small it isn't even on the map. They moved to the 'bigger' city of Salem so she could go to high school (Salem has a population of two thousand so bigger is definitiely subjective.) During WWII, she was a "Rosie the Riveter" working at a Westinghouse plant in Fairmont, WV spraying vacuum tubes. She lived with three roommates in a one bedroom apartment and they all shared one bed when a brother or boyfriend would visit. She married my Grandfather after the war and was a loyal Navy wife. She had to move her three children every couple of years and move wherever she was told. She was a 'single mom' in the sense that when her husband was on the ship she had to do it all (he was gone for nine months at a time.) And that little girl from Beech Lick lived in Hawaii and Japan and California and Washington and Kentucky before finally coming to Las Vegas.

I always thought she was so glamorous and perfect. Now I change her diaper. But I love her even more than ever. She's not so glamorous but she is kind and patient and still full of stories, even though they come out of left field now. It's tough to watch her Alzheimer's but she still smiles and laughs and loves as much as ever.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Tips for Raising an 87 Year Old

Today we will 'lose' our outside support system. Medicare and the insurance company will only pay for the nurse and physical therapist for a certain period of time and now that The Graminator's bedsore is nearly healed and she's walking they are going to discharge her. In a way I'm glad, because the nursing visits were mostly non-existent for the past month and while I loved her physical therapist Nathan (a great guy who not only remembered the Miller Family Steakhouse, a beloved and long gone restaurant of my youth, he actually worked there so we probably saw each other a zillion times and never knew it) at a certain point he was just repeating the same exercises because now it's only repetition that will get her stronger. I'll miss Linda, the CNA, the most, because she helped give The Graminator showers a couple of times a week and now I'll have to do it alone. I loved chatting with Nathan and Linda because they were awesome people who dedicate their lives to helping others and because they were cool. They both taught me a lot about how to care for The Graminator and I will always be grateful for them.

So here are a few things I have learned from them and on my own as I raise my very own 87 year old. (Many of these tips may also be applicable to toddlers.)

1. If you hook a gait belt through the back of the couch, you can make your own safety belt. But tuck the buckle behind them because roving fingers can sometimes get it open.
2. Commode chairs can actually do double duty as shower chairs.
3. Recipe for a 600+ calorie mocha: 3 heaping tablespoons weight gainer, 2 teaspoons Benefiber, 1 Tablespoon Scharffen Berger sweetened cocoa powder, 1 packet instant coffee and 1 cup half and half. Yes, it's crazy but it's helped The Graminator gain back three of the pounds she lost.
4. The Wal-Mart brand of Depends are actually better that the name brand and about 3 dollars less. Buy the pull up kind and they feel like big girl underwear, but you can still rip them down the side seams for easy exit if necessary.
5. Connect the dot puzzles are good for mental reasoning. Buy the K-1 and they are pretty easy to read for older eyes.
6. They won't always tell you when they have to go to the bathroom, so look for body clues and have them sit on the potty chair occasionally just to 'see if you can go'.
7. Tell them they won't get dessert if they don't eat their meal (but give them dessert anyway because they need the calories.)
8. Make them read out loud to you.
9. Even if it's easier for you to do it, make them do things themselves to give them a better sense of independence.
10. Patience isn't a virtue, it's a necessity.

Remember to love them and treasure them, because they won't always be with you.

Wild Weekend and The Walking Woman

Okay, it was a long (but nice) weekend. Above is a picture of the birthday girl (aka Mom) on the left with The Graminator, my Aunt Leslie and my Uncle Stuart. She was surprised and touched that they came in to see her.

After her surprise on Wednesday, her siblings took her to Mt. Charleston for lunch on her actual birthday, then everyone came over for a huge Chinese banquet (we are gonna be eating leftovers for a week!) and banana cupcakes.

Friday, we went to Buca de Beppo for a family dinner (thanks again to Kelly for gramma-sitting, my mom was so touched by his generosity that she cried). Buca is a chain restaurant that serves Italian food, family style, and we got the 'kitchen table' where we proceeded to consume far too much food and some delicious red wine courtesy of my Uncle. If you ever go to dinner with my Uncle Stuart and he orders red wine, drink it, even if you aren't a red wine fan. He picks GREAT wine. Too much food, wine and fun led to some loud and raucous discussions, including politics, and arguing politics with my uncle is a lot like being on The McLaughlin Group. Seriously, I've been in debate tournaments that didn't need as much planning as a discussion with Stuart...but it was still fun and "I lub you" too, Uncle Stuart.

Unfortunately, my uncle's girlfriend, Roberta, had a really bad pinched nerve and they had to go home to California earlier than planned and they left on Saturday. So they dropped my Aunt Leslie off at our house and we just sat around all day talking and eating leftovers (which now included Italian food in addition to the grilled pork from Wednesday and the Chinese from Thursday) and watched the movie "21". I do not recommend this movie, not that it was bad, just that it was so unrealistic (which is strange because it was very loosely based on a true story) plus it committed the unforgivable sin of making a bunch of Vegas inaccuracies. (If you get a suite at the Hard Rock hotel and look out the window, there is NO WAY to see the fountains at Bellagio from that view. Even if the hotel wasn't more than a mile away and not even on the Strip, it faces the OPPOSITE direction!!!!!!! Augh!)

Sunday Will came over (Val had to grade papers) and we all went to lunch (yes, all, even the Graminator) to Salt Lick BBQ at Red Rock Station. It was delicious and fun (thanks for lunch Aunt Leslie!) and way too much food (so add BBQ to the leftovers in my fridge.) We also played with the new Wii Fit I bought. It's much harder than I thought, but it seems like it will make working out fun so we will see how it goes. My aunt bought me a sweater (thanks for the present Aunt Leslie!) and we had a nice visit. She's flying back to Florida this morning.

Now for the Wild One. The Graminator is walking. She got a new walker on Friday and the physical therapist had her walk around the kitchen. She needed very little guidance walking, mostly someone to stand behind her just in case she has balance issues. But once she started walking, the floodgates opened. She needs some kind of support to stand up, but once she's up, she's off and running. On Saturday she got herself out of bed and stripped herself naked and made it to the bathroom before we heard her. Unfortunately she's just not ready for that yet (hence the commode chair) but we learned to put her walker across the room. This morning she was up and heading to her room before I caught her (again, my fault for leaving the walker within reach.) I went from having a big baby that I had to do everything for to having a toddler that I have to watch every second of the day. Fortunately she still tires easily so I just make her walk laps around the kitchen to wear her out. She has a doctor's appointment today so I'll be asking questions about helping her appetite and getting her bed sore finally healed. But I think it is safe to say that The Graminator is on the way to a full (and speedier than we anticipated) recovery. The hard part now will be keeping her from pushing too much. Her mental state is just not quite enough to leave her alone yet so I'll still be home bound for a while yet.

Okay, I have to go now. Novel to write, Gramma to watch, leftovers to eat. So much to do, so little time!