You all know that I am trying to lose a few pounds before my brother's wedding. (And the dreaded dominatrix costume for Vegas Schmegas.) I have lost six pounds in the last two weeks through a novel diet I developed called 'eat less and exercise more' (a radical new diet, books will fly off of store shelves). Some days are better than others (Hebrew National 97% Fat Free Hot Dogs taste like HOT DOGS and have only 45 calories per dog and are made from MEAT!) and it's about putting myself into the mindset of eating healthy and indulging occasionally instead of indulging constantly and eating healthy occasionally. (And major Kudos to Maura, who is following her own sensible eating an exercise regimen, you go girl!)
So this morning I read a story about a shortage of bananas in Japan because young girls are obsessed with the Morning Banana diet. Apparently young Japanese women are diet crazy (yeah, because of all of those fat Japanese people, sure) and will follow any fad. The latest is this Morning Banana Diet, where you have a banana and room temperature water for breakfast, anything you want for lunch and dinner, no desserts and go to bed by midnight. (Because if you feed them after midnight they turn into Gremlins) People are going so crazy for this diet that Japan can't get any more bananas. (I'm imagining a black market for bananas, guys in back alleys selling bananas for big money to desperate teenage Japanese girls.) Silly diet and silly girls. Of course, I live in a country that invented the grapefruit diet, so who am I to talk?
Then I saw a story that warmed the cockles of my heart (to paraphrase Denis Leary, more like the sub-cockle region really.) It was about a man, an AMERICAN, who ate a 15 POUND hamburger (cheeseburger, to be exact.) Nicknamed the 'Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser' the thing, with bun and toppings it weighed more than twenty pounds. Now there is a man I could love. Because he didn't do it for fame or fortune (he got $400 and three t-shirts from the bar that made the burger) but because he "wanted to see if I could". Bravo, that's the American spirit. Having been dreaming of cheeseburgers for the past week, I envy this man, although the picture looks like the burger had provolone cheese whereas my choice would have been cheddar and it had mild hot peppers while I'm a pickle girl. Still, with a cup each of mayo, mustard and ketchup, this man ate enough calories for a small third world country, just to see if he could. (I imagine he was promptly stomped to death by a herd of angry cattle as he left the bar.) Still, I admire Brad Scuillo of Uniontown, PA for his grit, determination and complete lack of care for his cardiovascular system. It's because of Americans like Brad that we will not only persevere through this economic crisis, but will once again thumb our noses at the rest of the world because we are indeed the greatest country on the planet and if a twenty pound cheeseburger doesn't prove that, I don't know what will.
