I'm Going to Be a SUPERSTAR!

(I hope when you read the title of this post, you got the mental image of Molly Shannon doing her character of Mary Katherine Gallagher from SNL)

Okay, maybe not a SUPERSTAR. But I did get offered my first major role in a feature film. My frequent collaborator and film mentor Kelly Schwarze has written a very funny comedy and offered me one of the leading roles (actually, he wrote the part with me in mind.) I can't give the story away but for those who love movies like "Office Space", this will be your kind of film. I read the script over the weekend and it made me laugh out loud. I can't wait to get started on this. We should start pre-production in February and filming after we wrap on "Vegas Schmegas" (we will finish re-shoots on that in March.)

Kelly decided that it was time to get back to just having fun, instead of worrying about commercial success (which hasn't really come with any of his previous feature films, although you can get one of his movies on Netflix, which to me is some sort of success even if there isn't any money in it). What's interesting to me is that I was thinking the same thing at the same time when I had a great idea for the movie that I'm currently writing. We both pitched our script ideas to one another the same day but Kelly got his done first. So if we can pull it all together we will make two feature films this year. (Mine will be financed mostly on credit cards, a la "Clerks".) Best of all, these films are really about getting our friends together and making a fun film, which is what I loved so much about "Supermodels", the love and generosity of time that everyone gave and the great time we had doing it.

Which got me to thinking about killing myself. No, not the way you think. See, when I write and direct I do it as Shae Wilhite. But when I do stand up I do it as Shae Denin (you can read why here). But which name would I act under? I guess Wilhite because that's what my IMDB profile is under and it would be simpler. But I loved being Shae Denin and there were a few years where that's really how I thought of myself. But now I think it's time to integrate my personalities and just be Shae Wilhite. I may use Denin occasionally when I do stand up but only with producers who already know me that way, for everything else I'll just be plain old me. I'll miss being Miss Denin though. She was a heck of a lot of fun.

Now I have to finish the script I'm working on so we can put it into production when we get finished with Kelly's film. And I have to start writing my acceptance speech for when I win all of those awards. "I'd like to thank the Academy for this award...and for making me a SUPERSTAR!"

2008: The Year In Review

Okay, tomorrow begins 2009 and I'll post my resolutions tomorrow. But today, let's see what happened to me in 2008.

January- I miss the Sundance Film Festival for the first time in years due to financial issues. (Had plans to make it up in 2009 but that doesn't look good right now). On January 18 I give notice at my job and begin a month long crying streak.

February - Last day of work at Alverson, Taylor, Mortensen and Sanders, just three days shy of my seven year anniversary. Very bittersweet, the most poignant part is knowing that they will all get along without me and forget me very soon, which they all promise not to, but they do as evidenced by the fact that no one has ever called me (although a few have sent emails.) I console myself with tons of marked down Valentine's candy.

March - Plant a garden then head to Alamogordo, New Mexico to work for a government contractor friend at Holloman Air Force base. A one week trip lasts almost a month. Still, I loved living in the mountains, spending time with "My Bill" and Blue Bell ice cream. But it was really hard to be away from my family for so long. "My Bill" is back in Las Vegas and it makes me happy.

April - I return home and then promptly quit the new job, because the "only 10 hours a week and you can work from home" is in reality about 60 hours a week at the office. But I am back with my loving family and only gained one pound eating all that ice cream and green chile cheeseburgers.

May - Get some vicious strain of an obviously terrorist-made cold/flu/sinus infection and am sick for nearly three weeks. Like really sick. Like my mom is going to kick me to the curb if she hears me whine any more. In further proof of her sainthood, she does not kick me to the curb. First table read of "Vegas Schmegas".

June - Film the faux trailer for "Brick Morgan". Write the short film "The Sunday Box" (which is set to film in 2009, starring the wonderful John Baniqued, for a festival release). Watch Pax while Will and Val vacation in Wisconsin, the vacation destination of America.

July - Watch Abbey Schwarze, dog extrodinare of Kelly and Charisma Schwarze. Possible career as dogsitter in the future apparently. Second table read of "Vegas Schmegas", which gives me goose bumps because it's so good.

August - The Graminator falls and breaks her pubic bone. After three weeks of hospitals and rehab facilities, we get her home, but with pneumonia, a massive bed sore and having lost over 8 pounds. With home care, physical therapy and me stuffing food down her gullet, she makes a fairly good recovery, but the lasting impact on her mentally and physically necessitates my becoming her full time nurse/therapist/caregiver. It's a labor of love that has changed my life forever. In other news, we are adopted by a cat who took up residence in my garden. After a month of trying to find her another home, we let her into ours, where she promptly takes charge and becomes the fattest, laziest cat in the world. She only drinks out of a human glass.

September - "Brick Morgan" premieres. Mom celebrates her 60th birthday with a bash attended by her entire family. Much champagne is consumed and The Graminator begins walking again. The highlight of my birthday is getting highlights in my hair. Too Blonde. The economy is in terrible shape, with the stock market going up and down faster than a carousel on crack. In assessing our financial situation, I realize we aren't doing too bad since I'm already unemployed and due to the economy the day-old bread store my mom works at is doing well. My mom is truly the 'bread-winner' of the family, since one of the perks if her job is free bread.

October - The return to comedy for "Shae Denin". It feels good to be back on stage after a long absence. I am asked to be Maid of Honor at Will and Val's wedding. This starts a diet that results in a loss of 8 pounds. I don't gain any back over the holidays. In fact, I lose one more. But January will see the return of the diet and exercise regimen. In politics, the ads get so frequent and so negative that I swear I will turn the television off. (This doesn't actually happen.)

November - The busiest month of the year, with three weeks of filming of "Vegas Schmegas". The shoot is a great success, although supplemental filming will take place in 2009. I debut my role as a dominatrix, and consider it for a new career should the economy fail to recover. I also take part for the first time in National Novel Writing Month, an endeavor to complete a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. I complete the novel by November 30th. In other historic news, Barack Obama is elected the first "black" president of the United States. (I put black in quotes because he is also white but everyone ignores that.)

December - I burn the NaNoWriMo novel, as it is terrible, although possibly not as bad as some published novels I have read over the years. We get a new fridge and washer and begin the process of bringing the house into the 21st century. Christmas is celebrated with friends and family, and the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. Which brings us to...

Today. I hope your New Years Eve is safe and fun. And I hope your 2009 is bright and wonderful and the fulfillment of many of your dreams. I know mine will be.

The Comedy Kid Rides Again

I know it's been a LONG time since I've done a stand up gig, so for all of you who have been waiting so patiently to see me (in town too!) come out this Saturday night to the Redstone Grill at Tropicana and Fort Apache at 10pm, It's got a nice setup, with a stage and lights. This is NOT an open mic, but what the producers hope will become a permanent locals comedy club, for those who don't want to go to the strip. I'll be opening for Bill Tucker, a really funny (and incredibly energetic) comic who I've known for years.

Many people ask me how I became a comic. It's a strange but wonderful tale. I was bored, at home, doing nothing and decided I needed to get out of the house. So I decided to take some classes at the college, the continuing education kind, the ones you take for fun. I took "How to Buy a Home" which was to teach me how to save for a down payment, get financing, what I could afford, etc. (This, dear children, was the late 1990's, before you could buy a half million dollar home with only your dog as a credit reference.) The other class was "How to Be A Comedian".

It was taught by a guy named Charlie Brooks, who claimed to be related to the great actor and director Albert Brooks, except that Albert Brooks' real name is Albert Einstein, but I never told him that I knew better. (My first show biz lesson.) I thought from the course description that we would be watching videos of comedians like Eddie Murphy and Dennis Miller. You know, the abstract theory of how to be a comedian, not the practicum. So imagine my surprise when Charlie announced at the first class that in four weeks we would be performing on stage at the Alexis Park Hotel. I thought to myself "No way dude, I can't do that!" I went to my mom's house after class that night and told my brother and mother the same thing. In the next sentence that followed I said to them "What do you think of this as a joke?" and proceeded to tell them a joke that I had written in the car on the way to their house. (The first joke I ever wrote? "Growing up in Vegas I learned that sex is a lot like gambling... except that when you lose at blackjack, you don't have to put the dealer through college.")

So four weeks later I was at the Alexis Park Hotel with my classmates, or at least the ones that hadn't dropped out after the first class. (Apparently there were a lot of people who didn't know that performing would be involved.) I don't remember them all but I remember Kelly and Judy and of course, my comedy soul mate Chandler. Kelly bought me a shot of tequila at the bar which was when I learned not to do shots before going on stage, not that I got drunk, just that it sat at the bottom of my stomach and made it worse than the butterflies before it. (Judy got me not one, but two gigs at a Federal Penitentiary!) My whole family came out to see, my mom and dad (the only time my dad saw me do comedy). my brother, The Graminator, plus a whole bunch of friends from work (who, as my friend Richard put it, "came to see you bomb") But, it turns out, I have a natural knack for making people laugh. (Richard said "But you didn't".) I managed to make it through my set and when I came off stage a producer of another comedy club approached me and told me I was good and asked me how long I had been doing comedy. I told him "ten minutes", he said "no, seriously, how long have you been doing comedy?" and I said "Ten minutes. That was my first set, ever." He told me I was good and invited me to come do a set at his club that weekend. I did and it was my first paying gig so I made money the first week I did comedy. (Ten bucks.) It even got me thinking of a stage name, since none of the announcers could ever seem to pronounce my name (Seriously, Wilhite is not that hard to pronounce. But when they started calling me Shae Whitehead, I knew I had to change it. I mean, who wants to be known as a pimple? So I go by Shae Denin - a derivation of my paternal grandmother's maiden name -- and wouldn't you know it, the first time I went on stage the emcee pronounced it Da-neen.)

And that, as they say, was history. Except for the open mics performing for four drunks and sixteen other comics who ripped my set to shreds. And the gigs like the one where the guy who hosted asked me never to bring my brother to another show again (because my brother got more laughs heckling than the comic did) and all the trips that Chandler and I took to L.A. to work at The Improv, The Icehouse and The Laugh Factory (driving to LA, waiting all day to see if we made it onto the show, changing clothes in the gas station rest room, performing and driving back to Vegas in under twenty-four hours, not to mention the eight Denny's we ate/peed/slept in the parking lot of.) When I signed up for the class, I never would have believed that I would be in a show on the Las Vegas Strip for nine months, doing two shows a night, six nights a week, but it taught me so much without ever having to go out on the road. I never would have dreamed I would open for comics like Ray Romano, Bob Saget, Janeane Garolfalo and Margaret Cho. I never thought I would be named best new comic in Las Vegas and win a thousand dollars for it (my biggest comedy paycheck to date.) All from a class where I thought I'd be watching television in.

Now I don't do comedy as much because I played it safe and stayed with the day job while Chandler took his shot and moved to L.A. (and now came home, but at least he tried.) Now I'm writing which isn't as much instant gratification as performing but I don't have to put clothes and makeup on to do it. But every now and then, I get the chance to get back on stage. And let me tell you, there is no feeling I like better in this world than when I know I've made people laugh and have a good time and forget about their troubles for a little while. It is a gift, not one that I give to the audience, but one that they give to me. How cool is that?

So if you are in Vegas this Saturday night and you want to laugh, c'mon and check it out. I'll be the one with the microphone.