I Can't Wait For a Bad Movie

Anyone who knows me knows I love good films. Love them. See them every chance I get. I go to film festivals every chance I get, hoping to discover great films early on. (See gems like "Once", "Introducing the Dwights", "Reprise" or "Neo Ned" for some great examples. All are available on video except "Neo Ned", which you can watch on Netflix's instant viewer. Seriously, see these films.)

I also love "inside jokes." One of my favorite experiences combined the two, in the movie "The Aristocrats". It's a documentary by comedians Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) who got more than a hundred comics to tell the same 'insider' dirty joke. The movie is hysterical (although for the faint of heart, it does contain lots of scatological humor.) I saw this movie when it premiered at Sundance (one of the best movie experiences of my life, I sat next to Leah Rozen, the film critic for People magazine, and I picked her brain) and again when it premiered at CineVegas and thanks to P&T's wonderful publicist/exec Glenn S. Alai, who is a close friend..okay, so he's Tina's close friend which makes him my close friend once removed, got to sit in the VIP section with the likes of legendary comics like Phyllis Diller. I saw the movie several more times at the theater and own it on DVD, not to mention watching it numerous times on cable. I would have loved this film even without the glitz and glamour because as a comic I loved the 'inside joke'.

Now, as much as I love good movies, I like bad ones too. Really bad ones. Not the ones you watch and wish you had those two hours of you life back because the film had no redeeming qualities, but the ones that are so bad that they are kinda good. Of course, that's a quality that is in the eye of the beholder. I love a cheesy 1980's disco film called "Can't Stop the Music" which was terrible but starred the Village People and how can you not love a Village People movie where they sing YMCA in a YMCA with semi naked men around them. It's brilliant and I watched that movie dozens of times when I was a kid, dancing in the living room to the songs (I clearly didn't understand the homoerotic undertone until I was an adult but I still think it has a good beat and I'd dance to it.) One of the reasons I still like this film is that once you get the nuance and understand the background of the Village People (and yes, their sexual persuasion) you get that it was a huge inside joke. (Unfortunately, it took some time for people to appreciate the joke, and it killed Nancy Walker's directing career.) Plus it has the added bonus of a young Steve Guttenberg on roller skates, how much more could you ask for?



So when I read an article in Entertainment Weekly (I check it out at the library, it's a guilty pleasure) about the comedic cult following for a movie called "The Room" (you can read the article here) I wanted to see it. Now. But going to LA for a midnight showing isn't exactly feasible (although I'm up for a road trip if anyone else is game and I love the Laemmle Sunset 5 theater, it's right by the Laugh Factory). But I need to see this film. Apparently it's "Rocky Horror" meets horrible acting, terrible directing and awful writing. Woo Hoo. I am so there. It has garnered the attention of people like Rob Thomas, Paul Rudd, Kristen Bel and David Cross. When people like that, who's talent I respect and admire, tell you a movie is so bad it changed their lives, well that's a movie I need to see. I need to get the 'inside joke' too.

Okay, since I can't go to LA (seriously, road trip anyone? anyone?) I ordered the movie on Amazon. Less than nine dollars and free shipping. It was out of stock but I got an email last night that they got a copy and are shipping it to me this week. I can't wait. This movie has already inspired me, sight unseen, to write my next film. I'm going to have parties showing this film if it truly is what they say it is. I'm stocking up on plastic spoons as we speak. So, wanna come to my house and watch a bad movie? (And to cleanse ourselves, we can watch a good film afterwards.)

We're Here For Your Liver

In the ultimate example of Indian-giving, read this story.

"Richard Batista from Long Island in New York, says he wants the organ back or $1.5 million dollars. The surgeon gave his wife Dawnell the kidney in 2001 after two previous failed transplants.

Dr. Batista told the New York Daily News there is "no value you can put on an organ when it saves some one's life. There is no greater feeling on this planet."

He says he is only suing Dawnell to get her to act reasonably in the divorce case, claiming she is restricting access to their children, aged eight, 11 and 14.

Their relationship had been suffering due to the strain of his wife's medical issues, said Dr. Batista. "My first priority was to save her life," he said. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around." But it did not work and four years later she filed for divorce.

Arthur Caplan from the University of Pennsylvania's Centre for Bioethics said the likelihood of Dr. Batista getting either his kidney or the money was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible".

Medical ethicist Robert Veatch from Georgetown University said it was illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value. Organ donation is a gift which means you cannot legally get it back, he explained. "It's her kidney now and taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Mr Veatch said. He insisted no reputable surgeon would perform such a procedure and no court could compel someone to undergo an operation."

By the way, I meant no disrespect to Native Americans in the use of the phrase "Indian-giving". As someone of Native American heritage herself, I have only the utmost respect for indigenous peoples. In fact, I say that we change not the phrase but the meaning to be "when the American government gave stuff to the Native people then took it all back". Still fits pretty well, don't you think?

Meanwhile, Dr. Batista is an ass. Sure, he only wants publicity, but is this really how you want to see your doctor, as a petty jerk? No, she should not be trying to keep him from seeing his kids (if that's what she's doing, I only know that's what he alleges) but he has legal recourse for those actions, not this childish statement.

I believe in organ donation. Maybe Dr. Batista just needs a head transplant.

The Doctor is (Not) In

Paging Dr. Shae, Paging Dr. Shae...that's something you'll never hear, and that's a good thing.

I have been experiencing some pain in the muscle in my left arm and through exhaustive research (several minutes on WebMD) I diagnosed myself with tendinitis. I like to sleep on my side with my arms twisted at awkward angles (which usually results in an arm going numb.) That, combined with the daily heavy Graminator lifting, made the tendons in my arm sore. Now the treatment is fairly simple, rest it (stop sleeping that way, stupid), ice (which is cold and it's winter so that was so unappealing), compression and elevation (yup, the standard RICE therapy) along with ibuprofen. Since I didn't like the R-I-E portion, Dr. Shae decided to go just with compression.

So I toddle off to the drug store and buy several things designed to constrain my arm muscles. I wore one all day and it was fine. Then for night I put on this elaborate one, with gel pads for the 'pain' points and stuff. I put it on and compress it did. It was snug and held my arm in such a way that I couldn't sleep with it under my head, unless I suddenly grew the powers of a Chinese contortionist. Good, right? Then after a while it started to feel too tight. But compression is good, right, I mean, it's supposed to be tight. Then I started to lose sensation in my fingers and decided to take it off. I don't know if I had the gel pads in the wrong spots or I had just strapped it too tight or if it was the wrong bandage all together but when I took it off my arm hurt worse than ever. Like it felt bruised and battered. So I got the normal Ace bandage I had been using and wrapped my arm and went to bed.

I woke up yesterday and noticed that my arm was hurting and felt funny. I went to the bathroom and when I turned the light on I looked down at my arm to see it had swollen to ENORMOUS proportions. ACK!!! I quickly took some Motrin and grabbed an ice pack and elevated my arm to see if the swelling would come down. It did, after a few hours and I could see the knuckles in my hand again. It was sore and painful but the weird part is that the original pain is gone, this is a new pain in a different part of my arm. (Yes, it's the old joke of my arm hurts so kick me in the shin to feel better.) I spent the day resting it and icing it (I still had to lift The Graminator, but I did it as gingerly as possible). And last night I slept with it elevated and not contorted underneath me. Today it's still sore, but better and no gigantic swelling.

The moral of my story? Do not assume that you went to medical school just because you can read it on the Internet. There is a reason that doctors go to school for seven years before they start to practice. If all it took was the ability to read the Internet then any twelve year old with a MacBook would be a doctor. Does this mean that I went to a real doctor? Heck no. But I would have if the swelling hadn't come down. That's all I'm saying, seek appropriate medical attention. Now I gotta go take two Motrin and call myself in the morning.

You Say You Want A Resolution

Okay, so it took a while for me to come up with my New Year's Resolutions, but they aren't something you want to rush into all willy-nilly and then break right away. I did really well with last year's resolutions, all except for the one with the radioactive spider, but I only said I would try, "if possible", on that one. (For last year's list, see here)

So what will I tackle this year? I was so giving last year that I feel entitled to be a bit selfish this year. So, in the interest of personal growth and change, here is this year's list.

1. I will lose twenty pounds by Will and Val's wedding. (It may require amputation of a major limb, but hopefully I can stand in such a way in the wedding photographs that it's not too noticeable.)

2. I will think about writing my own self help book that embodies a philosophy I have been working on for a while. It combines "The Secret" with feng shui, aromatherapy and yoga. I don't want to give it all away, but it involves you imagining yourself getting everything you want while you stand in the "tree" yoga position in a room with Eastward facing windows while lavender scented candles burn. (Tell me that's not a best-seller!)

3. I will find a hairdresser who will actually style my hair in such away that I don't go back to a ponytail within 72 hours. (Please, please, please.)

4. I will only eat organically grown, locally farmed, non-genetically modified, free-range, high fructose corn syrup free foods. (For at last one meal on the fourth Thursday of every month without an 'r' in it.)

5. I will wash my car at least twice a year. (Providing the weather is nice and the water police aren't watching.)

Okay, so those weren't exactly the resolutions most people have. Here is my real desire list,

1. Eat healthier, eat less, exercise more.
2. Moisturize more.
3. Finish the three writing projects I started last year.
4. Sell "Vegas Schmegas".
5. Complete the script Kelly and I are collaborating on.
6. Promote myself more, like by getting an agent or through self promotion.
7. Manage what little money I have so I can stay on sabbatical through 2009.
8. Worry less and enjoy more.
9. Be more patient.
10. Get "The Sunday Box" filmed and on the festival circuit.

That list is going to take a lot more work than the first one. Guess I better get started, huh?

Things I Learned In 2008

In 2008 I learned...

That my family supports me, no matter what. And because of their faith in me, I want to succeed for them.

That I can do things I never thought I was capable of, like taking care of the bodily functions of another human. I guess I would have made an okay mom after all.

That you can make friends with people you have never met and have them become a very important part of your life. (Thank you from the bottom of my heart Maura and Dyann)

That the best laid plans can change, no matter what you think.

That when you do something that you love, it isn't work. (And when it isn't work you have to make it a priority because no one else will.)

That money is nice but not having it isn't that big a deal.

That you can only guarantee the weather in Las Vegas in the middle of summer, when it's a bazillion degrees outside. (So learn to write things indoors!)

That if you write it, they will read. (Thanks Loyal Readers!)

What did you learn this year? Were they the lessons you thought they would be? Tomorrow are my resolutions, so until then, Happy New Year!

2008: The Year In Review

Okay, tomorrow begins 2009 and I'll post my resolutions tomorrow. But today, let's see what happened to me in 2008.

January- I miss the Sundance Film Festival for the first time in years due to financial issues. (Had plans to make it up in 2009 but that doesn't look good right now). On January 18 I give notice at my job and begin a month long crying streak.

February - Last day of work at Alverson, Taylor, Mortensen and Sanders, just three days shy of my seven year anniversary. Very bittersweet, the most poignant part is knowing that they will all get along without me and forget me very soon, which they all promise not to, but they do as evidenced by the fact that no one has ever called me (although a few have sent emails.) I console myself with tons of marked down Valentine's candy.

March - Plant a garden then head to Alamogordo, New Mexico to work for a government contractor friend at Holloman Air Force base. A one week trip lasts almost a month. Still, I loved living in the mountains, spending time with "My Bill" and Blue Bell ice cream. But it was really hard to be away from my family for so long. "My Bill" is back in Las Vegas and it makes me happy.

April - I return home and then promptly quit the new job, because the "only 10 hours a week and you can work from home" is in reality about 60 hours a week at the office. But I am back with my loving family and only gained one pound eating all that ice cream and green chile cheeseburgers.

May - Get some vicious strain of an obviously terrorist-made cold/flu/sinus infection and am sick for nearly three weeks. Like really sick. Like my mom is going to kick me to the curb if she hears me whine any more. In further proof of her sainthood, she does not kick me to the curb. First table read of "Vegas Schmegas".

June - Film the faux trailer for "Brick Morgan". Write the short film "The Sunday Box" (which is set to film in 2009, starring the wonderful John Baniqued, for a festival release). Watch Pax while Will and Val vacation in Wisconsin, the vacation destination of America.

July - Watch Abbey Schwarze, dog extrodinare of Kelly and Charisma Schwarze. Possible career as dogsitter in the future apparently. Second table read of "Vegas Schmegas", which gives me goose bumps because it's so good.

August - The Graminator falls and breaks her pubic bone. After three weeks of hospitals and rehab facilities, we get her home, but with pneumonia, a massive bed sore and having lost over 8 pounds. With home care, physical therapy and me stuffing food down her gullet, she makes a fairly good recovery, but the lasting impact on her mentally and physically necessitates my becoming her full time nurse/therapist/caregiver. It's a labor of love that has changed my life forever. In other news, we are adopted by a cat who took up residence in my garden. After a month of trying to find her another home, we let her into ours, where she promptly takes charge and becomes the fattest, laziest cat in the world. She only drinks out of a human glass.

September - "Brick Morgan" premieres. Mom celebrates her 60th birthday with a bash attended by her entire family. Much champagne is consumed and The Graminator begins walking again. The highlight of my birthday is getting highlights in my hair. Too Blonde. The economy is in terrible shape, with the stock market going up and down faster than a carousel on crack. In assessing our financial situation, I realize we aren't doing too bad since I'm already unemployed and due to the economy the day-old bread store my mom works at is doing well. My mom is truly the 'bread-winner' of the family, since one of the perks if her job is free bread.

October - The return to comedy for "Shae Denin". It feels good to be back on stage after a long absence. I am asked to be Maid of Honor at Will and Val's wedding. This starts a diet that results in a loss of 8 pounds. I don't gain any back over the holidays. In fact, I lose one more. But January will see the return of the diet and exercise regimen. In politics, the ads get so frequent and so negative that I swear I will turn the television off. (This doesn't actually happen.)

November - The busiest month of the year, with three weeks of filming of "Vegas Schmegas". The shoot is a great success, although supplemental filming will take place in 2009. I debut my role as a dominatrix, and consider it for a new career should the economy fail to recover. I also take part for the first time in National Novel Writing Month, an endeavor to complete a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. I complete the novel by November 30th. In other historic news, Barack Obama is elected the first "black" president of the United States. (I put black in quotes because he is also white but everyone ignores that.)

December - I burn the NaNoWriMo novel, as it is terrible, although possibly not as bad as some published novels I have read over the years. We get a new fridge and washer and begin the process of bringing the house into the 21st century. Christmas is celebrated with friends and family, and the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. Which brings us to...

Today. I hope your New Years Eve is safe and fun. And I hope your 2009 is bright and wonderful and the fulfillment of many of your dreams. I know mine will be.

Dear Diary, I Saw the Cutest Boy Today

Okay, I have a new crush. He's a lot younger than I am (He's 25, I'm 36, does that make me a cougar?) but he's so cute I just don't care that I could have babysat for him. He's got dark curly hair, dreamy eyes, a chiseled jaw and that wonderfully masculine five o'clock shadow. Gosh I like men who can be really clean cut looking and still have that bad boy thing going when they want. In fact, he falls right in line with my previous crushes, John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Ben Affleck (I guess you can tell my 'type', huh?) I don't know if he's as smart or talented as my previous imaginary boyfriends (no, I'm not delusional or a psychotic stalker, but a girl can fantasize, can't she?) but I'm purely interested in his looks anyway.

Who is my new fantasy man? Brody Jenner, the living example that pairing two genetically gifted individuals can produce a genetically gifted offspring. He's the son of Olympian Bruce Jenner (now the second banana on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians") and Linda Thompson (Former 'Hee Haw Honey' and once girlfriend of The King, Elvis Presley). I have no idea what he does except look good. Apparently he was on "The Hills", a show on MTV, but I stopped watching MTV years ago when they stopped being about music. He has some new show called "Bromance" but I don't even want to know what it's about. I just want to stare at his picture.

How did I discover this piece of prime man meat? The Internet, of course. You know when you click on a story and that leads you to another story and so on and so on. Well, that's how I stumbled across a photo of this gorgeous man. (I use the term loosely because as a 25-year-old party boy with an MTV reality show, I'm pretty sure he's not in any way mature yet.) He's my new eye candy.

As a belated Christmas gift for you ladies out there (or even you 'bromance' leaning gentlemen), here is a picture of beautiful Brody. Enjoy.

Merry Christmas, Officer (The Christmas Recap)

Here is my holiday recap, complete with visit from the police. Yes, the police. And no, my family isn't usually the kind that appears on a special holiday episode of "COPS".

Christmas Eve - Made a huge smorgasbord of appetizers. Huge. Way to much food. I admit it, I have a tendency to go overboard. And what's really bad is that before I say the food splayed across the table and kitchen counter, I was worried that I didn't have enough. We had mini cheeseburgers, mini meatball subs, seven layer dip, hot artichoke dip, pizza, boneless buffalo wings and deviled eggs with Christmas cookies and hot mini jelly doughnuts for dessert. And that was because the salami and cheese and cracker tray got put back in the fridge (not to fear, it got eaten on Christmas day.) It was a lot of food. Lots of mini food. Whoever invented the mini food was an evil genius. It's fun to eat and because it's so small you eat like a half dozen mini burgers without guilt because they are so small, only to find yourself enormously stuffed.

We also played the new Wii game I got for the family. "Raving Rabbids TV Party". What a fun and interactive game. It involves these insane bunnies who take over your television. They have these weird television show spoofs that turn into games you play with the Wii-mote, the nunchuck and the Wii Fit balance board. There are more than 65 different games but we only played a small portion of them. One game you had to sit on the balance board and use the wii-mote and nunchuck to mimic riding a motorcycle (steering with your butt) and one game that you had to dance to the Wham! song "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" (I won that one due to my 80's song experience and impressive dancing skills.) Some of the games frustrated my mom but we were all just learning the rules. Val ended up winning by one point over me at the last minute even though my brother had been in the lead most of the game. All in all it was a great game for any time you want to move, laugh and scratch your head.

After Will and Val left my mom and I wrapped presents and listened to Christmas carols. We were up till almost midnight. Long day.

Christmas Day - I scheduled dinner for 4pm so that we had a leisurely day. I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast. After a leisurely morning we got the table set for diner and I put the prime rib in the oven at around 12:30. After failing several times at prime rib to get it cooked to make everyone happy (2 people like it rare, 5 people like it medium well - don't yell at me that that's too overcooked, it's the way they like it and it was still delicious) I finally figured out how to please everyone...2 prime ribs, a small two pound cut for the rare ones, put in an hour before the large six pounder was done. It was rubbed with a salt/pepper/rosemary/thyme/Worcestershire rub then slow roasted. I had made the beets and cooked the carrots the day before and with Will and Val bringing the mashed potatoes, my prep was pretty simple. I made the Yorkshire pudding batter then sat back to relax until the roast came out and I glazed the carrots, heated the beets, roasted the asparagus and baked the Yorkshire pudding. Most of the cooking was accomplished in under thirty minutes which left plenty of time for PRESENTS!

Everyone got a crisp $50 bill from my Uncle and Roberta. Mine will go to buying a bottle of cologne I have my eye on. ("Fresh: Sugar Lemon" in case you care.) The Graminator got a purse, scarf and a ton of Kleenex (inside joke) from Will and Val, a new nightgown from my mom and a puzzle, bath products and a foot warmer from me. Mom got a gift card (for buying a dress for the wedding) and scarf from Will and Val and Gram and I got her new outdoor light fixture for the front of the house and I got her a broom vac for cleaning up the cat litter that the cat scatters daily without having to lug out the big vacuum. Val got the jewelry box she asked for from my mom and me, plus a heated throw to snuggle under from mom and a new DS game and funnel cake maker from me. Will got her a box of socks (inside joke from how he proposed to her last Christmas) and Gram got her a calendar. Will got a new stockpot (an pasta, olive oil and Italian seasoning) from mom and me, plus a new Wii game from me and Wii zapper from mom. I also got him the new Dennis Leary book and Val got him a book too. (If it seems like Will and Val didn't get each other much, remember that they are now headed to Modesto to celebrate Christmas a second time with her family so they had to split the presents up.) We gave Roberta a 'cozy kit' with a snuggly blanket, Audrey Hepburn movies, book, tea and new slippers. Will and Val got her a scarf and hair ties and a gift card to Teavana. Stuart got a bottle of Sake from Will and Val and a coffee table book on antique guitars from Mom, The Graminator and me. I also got him some tea and the worlds largest tea infuser (a joke since he said he uses 11 tea bags each morning.)

The funniest present moment was when my dog found her present from Will and Val. It was a box of gourmet dog cookies but on top was a tiny stuffed toy. She took the present off the stack and dragged the box along the floor, carrying the little stuffed toy in her mouth. The box of treats was almost a big as she was and it was hysterical to see her drag it across the room.

Now me. I got a set of Skull Candy earphones for my iPod and $40 from Will and Val to use for apps for my touch. Mom got me a clock radio/dock for my iPod and two new games for my DS along with a new stylus. If my presents make me sound like I'm a college age boy instead of a 36 year old woman, well, I like my toys, that's all I can say.

After presents I went to the the prime rib(s) out of the oven and start the Yorkshire pudding. My brother came in and helped me glaze the carrots when we heard someone bang loudly on the door. I peeked through the kitchen curtains to see a couple of Las Vegas Metropolitan Police officers on our front porch. We held the dogs back while my brother answered the door. It seems that there was a 911 call that disconnected from our house. It seems that the weather (it was pouring rain and the wind was howling) had knocked our phone out and in older neighborhoods like ours that sends a 911 signal out. When the operator couldn't call the number back they send a unit out to investigate. I checked the phone and sure enough, it was all crackly and had no dial tone. The officer said that it happens occasionally but he asked if he could come inside and check just to make sure everything was alright. Of course we let him in and he could see that we were just enjoying a family holiday. We tried to offer him some food for his trouble but he said they had to go check some other houses. God Bless the police officers who give up their holidays to make sure the rest of ours are safe. And it certainly added a memorable moment to our celebration. We never would have known about the phone otherwise because just a little while later when the rain and wind stopped, the phone rang with holiday greetings from our friend Brigeda.

After digesting a while it was time for dessert. The chocolate fudge cheesecake was delicious as was the apple crumb pie that Will and Val bought. My brother was complaining of sugar shock when he was done but it was still yummy. Here is a picture of the cheesecake. The 'poinsettia' decoration on top is made out of gum, can you believe it? Wish I could say I though of it but I saw it in a magazine. It's so cute!

Will and Val are now on their way to Modesto while they left Pax with us for the week. It was an awesome Christmas, although there is a huge pile of dishes in the sink that my mom and I just couldn't face last night. Hmm, maybe next year I should ask Santa for a dishwasher. But we have a new fridge full of leftovers and I have some new games to play and music to listen to. I hope that you all had as wonderful a Christmas as I did. Happy Holidays, Loyal Readers!

Merry Christmas!

I want to take this time to wish a Merry Christmas to all of you, Loyal Readers. I hope your holiday is filled with food, family and fun. (And I hope Santa brings you everything you asked for!) And for those Loyal Readers of the Jewish religion, Happy Hannukah!

The Final Push to Christmas

Okay, it's only four days to Christmas. Are you done with your shopping yet? Yeah, well, I hate you. No, not really, I love you Loyal Readers, but people who are done with their Christmas shopping in November, well, you bug me. How can you do that? The people I love are really hard to buy for and they never tell you what they want and AUGHHHHHH!

I'm really not that far behind. Except for a few little 'gag' presents, I'm done with everyone except The Graminator. What do you buy someone who doesn't need anything? She has been really tough to think of things for. Honestly, if she needs something I just go buy it. What's worse is that her birthday is in January and I'm going to go through this agony again in a few weeks.

This week the push is for the cooking. I'm making an appetizer buffet for Christmas eve and a big dinner for Christmas day. I'm thinking for the appetizer assortment I'll make sliders, deviled eggs, seven layer dip, buffalo chicken, and a couple of other things TBD. For Christmas dinner I'm making prime rib, Yorkshire pudding, roasted asparagus, Harvard beets, balsamic glazed carrots (with Will and Val putting in their famous garlic mashed potatoes) and for dessert, a chocolate fudge cheesecake, plus Will and Val are bringing an apple pie. Top it off with the loads of champagne that my Uncle Stuart brings. Sounds good, right? But I have to go to the store and buy all the stuff, prep it, cook, it, serve it, clean up after it. Ugh, I'm exhausted already and I haven't wrapped the presents, washed the good china or mopped the floors yet! Plus, at some point, the Graminator needs to be hosed down. Okay, maybe I need another week to get ready. Is this December 25th thing set in stone?

Now I need to go sort through my recipes and make some lists, check them twice, and get my butt in gear. Hope your day is a little more relaxed than mine!

Somebody Up There Is Messing With Me!

Okay, yesterday it started to snow. And stick! I got so excited. I called my mom. I called Val. I called Will. The news reported that we would get six to ten inches. I went outside and played, catching flakes on my tongue. And then...nothing. In a strange turn of events (one that even the weather forecasters were hard pressed to explain) the North and West sides of town warmed up (after dark?) and it turned to rain. So while the South and East sides of town got three or more inches of snow (and Boulder City got eight inches!) my house got NONE. Zip. Zilch.

Now usually the North and West, because they are higher in elevation, get the most snow. But not this time. There was enough snow that roads in and out of Las Vegas were closed. The airport was closed (The FAA said it was due to visibility). Officially they recorded 3.6 inches of snow. Pictures from the South end of the valley show a snow covered winter wonderland. But at my house it's just wet. No snow. I had flakes over maybe a quarter of my yard for about two hours. The weather man says they experienced 'cold-hugging' on the South side which is why they got all the snow. Well I would have gladly hugged the cold. They cancelled school for the first time since the 1979 storm, even though my neighborhood is clear. I think they just wanted to have an extra Christmas shopping day, but good for Val. And my brother gets to go to work late, due to icy road conditions near where he works.

Look, I'm not begrudging anyone their snow. But couldn't they share? I could have used an inch. I even went to bed last night praying that over night we would get a little. But I woke up to what little snow we had gone, already melted. Is Mother Nature just laughing at me? I'm sad.

I made the best of it. I played outside while it snowed. But I would have liked a little more. Still, we got a snow storm. It just missed my house.

Here are the pictures of the pathetic snow at my house. Hey, it stuck to the ground. I'll be okay with that but I wish I could have made a snowman. Instead I made an ice cube.

Things I Love About Christmas

These are the things I love about Christmas (but some of them could apply to Hannukah too, I suppose.) I'm making schnitzel with noodles tonight (because below is a list of my favorite things...and because I bought a pork tenderloin that I have to do something with!)

10. Egg Nog (Homemade is good but store bought is really tasty too.)
9. Wrapping stuff (I loved my first job as a gift wrapper at a department store.)
8. Christmas lights (They are so pretty and festive.)
7. Holiday movies (Duh.)
6. Little kids sitting on Santa's lap (I have truly fond memories of Santa's arrival.)
5. Candy canes (Delicious fun. Remember sucking the ends to a point like little peppermint shiv?)
4. Presents (okay, I'll admit it, I like presents, does that make me greedy?)
3. Peppermint ice cream (It's so good, how come you can only buy it during the holidays?)
2. Christmas carols (Oh, how I love to sing along. Anyone want to go caroling? )

and the number one thing I love about Christmas is

1. Spending time focused on my friends and family.

So thank you Loyal Readers for being part of what I love most this holiday season.

Winter Wonder? Land

Okay, so I didn't get my blanket of snow. But I did get a few flakes. In some areas of Las Vegas they even got some to stick to the ground. (For those who don't know, Las Vegas is shaped like a big bowl, with mountains around the outside and the area where the Strip is kind of at the bottom of the bowl. So the areas of town have different elevations and therefore different temperatures by a few degrees. Where I live is about 2,500 feet in elevation. The snow level was supposed to go to 2,000 feet, which would have covered most of the valley. But it only went to about 2,800 feet. Okay, geography lesson over.)

Still, even without the white stuff sticking around for more that ten seconds, I made the best of my day. I opened the curtains wide (which made my 45 year old house very cold but I had my slippers on) and laid on the couch under The Graminator's heated throw with a book and a cup of tea and watched the snowflakes fall for a little over an hour. And of course I went outside a couple of times to catch a snowflake or two. (Yes, I know it's childish but I've come to the realization that while I can present the persona of a well adjusted, intelligent adult woman, inside I'm about ten years old, especially when it comes to precipitation and Disneyland.) We had chili for dinner and I made gingerbread and hot chocolate for dessert. The snow did make me appreciate my "work at home" status since I didn't really work but played hooky on my couch.

I think I have been a writer since I was a very young child. I used to make up scenarios in my head and play them out. Like I used to walk to my friend Marcy's house which meant crossing the schoolyard of our elementary school that stood between her house and mine. I would imagine that I was a young Jewish girl posing as a Dutch milkmaid and I had to pass the German SS troops to sell my milk and not let them discover that I was a Jew and have them send me to the concentration camps. (I was 8 years old at the time.) And ever since childhood I want certain 'scenes' to play out as they have been 'written' in my head. Like, on a snow day the snow should be several inches thick, and there should be a stew bubbling on the stove and home made bread baking in the oven, the rich yeasty smell filling the house and I should be wearing my hair in a bun with loose tendrils framing my face and a lovely beige knit outfit toped by a long, loose gray cable knit cardigan. Instead I has wearing sweat pants and a gray long sleeved t-shirt that I found in the maternity section of Ross (even though I've never been pregnant, it's a very roomy shirt) with my hair in a sloppy pony tail reheating leftover chili in the microwave. Life is certainly much prettier in my mind. (And if you think my snow day scenario is elaborate, you should hear my "walking along a secluded coastal beach" scenario. It involves me having naturally curly hair.)

So I will enjoy this cold snap (more rain predicted tomorrow, I can only hope that the predictions change and it's colder than anticipated so we get some real snow, but I'm not holding my breath) and if it doesn't turn out the way I want, well the fantasy land in my head was probably better anyway.

No Snow for Shae

Well, it was supposed to snow last night, a one inch blanket to cover the entire Las Vegas valley. But when I woke (at six a.m. to see the snow because it was supposed to start snowing at 4 a.m.) there was nothing. Squat. Nada. Bupkiss. (Pause for long dramatic sigh.) So once again my dreams for snow are dashed.

I've never had a white Christmas. Or anything other that a pretty sunny Christmas, usually with highs near the 60's. It's sad. I hope, I pray, I wish, but it never happens. So when they predicted this storm I let myself get a little excited. Only to be disappointed.



Yes, Virginia, it does actually snow in Las Vegas. Sometimes a lot, although most of the time it's gone in a matter of hours. But it does happen, once every few years.


I love the show. I know, that's because I have never had to live in it. My mom says if I lived somewhere it snowed and didn't melt away quickly that I'd hate it because is isn't so pretty when It's been around a while. And I hat the thought of digging my car out of the snow. But I love snow anyway. It reminds me of wonderful things, like my dad waking me in the middle of the night because it was snowing and he wanted me to see it. Like going to Mt. Charleston, loaded with hot chocolate, so my brother and I could play in the snow and making snow ice cream, which I thought was the most delicious ice cream I had ever eaten. My mom, making my brother and I walk to the McDonald's during a snowstorm so that we could get hot chocolate and watch the snow (my mom LOVES to watch the snow, she hates being in the snow.) Making tiny little snowmen (because there wasn't enough snow to make a big one and it melts too fast anyway.) I love those memories because they remind me of love and family. Snow makes me happy.



There have even been some big snowstorms (at least by my standards). January 4-5, 1974 it snowed 9 inches. My dad used to tell me that the snow was as big as my head (I don't remember as I was a toddler at the time but it sounds like an enormous amount of snow. I do remember the storm of 1979, as it was the only snow day in CCSD history. No school and we got to play in the snow. I was in second grade and it was a momentous day. It was like a blizzard and the city practically shut down. (No wonder, we just aren't equipped to handle snow.) It snowed more than seven inches over three days and I thought it was a miracle.

There has been snow a few times in the past years but nothing like what I want. I would love a ton of snow. It wold make everyone have to stop and breathe a moment, which is something we sorely need during this tough economy and hectic holiday frenzy. To stop and look at the miracle of nature, rare and fleeting.


I wish we had snow. I wish for a white Christmas, just once in my life. The pictures are from Sundance, Utah, the only place I get to see snow regularly. Isn't it lovely?





Still, I suppose it could be worse. Here is what Christmas is like in Hermosa Beach where my Uncle Stuart lives. (That's Roberta with the surfing Santa.)




UPDATE: Okay, it's technically snowing. But is isn't sticking. So it doesn't count.

Favorite Christmas Films

Since I told you how much I love Christmas movies, here is my list of favorites (in no particular order, since that would be like picking a favorite child.)

A House Without a Christmas Tree (yay Maura for remembering this one too!) - 1972, Jason Robards as a grumpy widower who learns the value of Christmas from his daughter.
Borrowed Hearts - 1997, Eric McCormack and Roma Downey as a single mom and wealthy guy who pretend to be married so he can sell his company. It has Hector Elizondo. I love Hector.
Christmas Comes to Willow Creek - 1987, The Dukes of Hazard (okay, just the actors from) save a small town's Christmas
The Santa Clause 2 - 2002 Tim Allen in the 'romantic' one of the trilogy. Directed by Michael Lembeck. Anyone besides me remember when he was on "One Day at a Time"?
Miracle on 34th Street - 1947, the classic with Maureen O'Hara, Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle and Natalie Wood. Love it.
Home Alone - 1990, Worth it just to see the house Macauly Culkin lives in. Beautiful. I want to live there. And it has John Candy too.
A Christmas Story-1983, I saw this in the theater when I was a kid. I still shudder when the kid sticks his tongue to the flagpole.
Comfort & Joy - 2003, Nancy McKeon as a career woman who hits her head and wakes up the mother of two. Scary stuff. But the guy who plays her husband is adorable.
Love, Actually - 2003, I love this film anytime of the year. I showed it to my mom for the first time this year and she cried. Great movie. Love the character of "Colin Frizzle". And of course, Colin Firth is in it, so it's an automatic win.
A Boyfriend for Christmas - 2004, The title says it all. Wish someone would get me a boyfriend for Christmas. (hint, hint)
Elf - 2003, Will Farrell at his best. Bob Newhart...need I say more?

Okay, those are my favorites. But don't forget the Christmas specials too, like the classic Rankin/Bass stop-motion animated ones like "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" (my favorite, with the Burgermeister Meisterburgerer) and "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and of course, "A Charlie Brown Christmas". Oh, and the Christmas TV episodes, like the one on "Family Ties" where Alex P. Keaton gets the Scrooge lesson and buys his family presents at the 7-11. (You can catch the episode on Fancast.)

What are your favorites? I hope they bring back wonderful holiday memories like this list did for me!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It's now December and one of my favorite times of the year. Why? Happiness and food (and sometimes, for me anyway, happiness=food). It's time for Peace on Earth, goodwill to men and Christmas movies galore.

It hasn't really felt like Christmas this year and I think it's because I'm not working at ATM&S. December was always the busiest month, with decorating the office, choosing a family to donate food and presents (then buying, wrapping and delivering said items), planning and executing the annual Christmas party (which involved buying seventy gifts and then figuring out a unique way of handing them out, like last year when we put the present names inside the shells of walnuts that I painstakingly cracked open then Jamie glued them closed again) not to mention that after the warm glow of Christmas had barely faded, it was time to get the year end accounting done (which was a pain in the butt that fell mostly to Jamie, although I tried to help her as much as I could). But with all that planning and giving it really seemed like the holidays, which seems to be lacking this year.

Decorating for the holidays isn't really feasible this year, it would be too hard for The Graminator to get around. So we have a beautiful wreath on the door (thanks to Val and one of her students who was selling them for a fundraiser) and a poinsettia with some candles around it inside along with a couple of holiday-theme throw pillows I made years ago for my mom. you have to look closely to see any touches of Christmas in our house. No tree or lights, it's kind of dull. And I haven't shopped for presents yet, heck, I'm still not sure what to even buy yet.

But I have been watching my Christmas movies. Lifetime, Hallmark Channel and ABC family are all running tons of holiday movies. And I love them, love them, LOVE THEM. What a wonderful world it must be where peace and love and joy reign and all problems are solved by Christmas, or at the latest, New Years Eve. I watch them over and over and over again. I swear I have seen some of them a dozen times or more. The moral of most of them is pretty much the same, that what's truly important is family and that love conquers all. I know them by heart and I even miss some that they don't run anymore (whatever happened to the one with Tom Wopat and John Schneider - yup, the Dukes of Hazard boys, where they played feuding trucker brothers who bring Christmas to a snowed-in town? And I think they retired the one with Connie Stevens and Randy Travis too, I haven't seen that one this year.) I even have an idea for a Christmas movie that I think I'll be writing.

And while some holiday spirit is eluding me, I have had the baking bug. For a friend's Christmas party last weekend I made sugar cookies and fudge. Both turned out way better than I had expected. I love frosted sugar cookies but hadn't found the perfect recipe (although any cookie topped with my home made buttercream is still pretty good.) But I found a fabulous sugar cookie that I made (and have since made a second batch since my mom wanted more). I even hand painted some of them, see?




They are so good, I'm having trouble limiting myself. Here is the recipe, courtesy of Alton Brown and Food Network (with a tiny tweak by me, Alton's used no vanilla and I like a little vanilla in my sugar cookie).

SUGAR COOKIES

3 c. flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 c. unsalted butter
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. heavy cream (Alton's recipe called for 1 Tbsp. milk, but I figured with a half a pound of butter already we would go whole hog and use cream, but I only used 2 teaspoons because I added vanilla)

Sift together flour, baking powder and salt. Cream butter and sugar in a large bowl with a mixer (Alton says stand mixer but I only had my hand mixer but this dough gets really stiff so if you have a stand mixer, use it) and beat until light in color. Add egg, vanilla and cream and beat to combine. On low speed, gradually add four and beat until mixture pulls away from the side of the bowl (with a hand mixer you may have to finish mixing by hand as the dough gets too stiff to beat.) Divide the dough in half, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for an hour. (Alton says two hours but in my fridge that made it too hard to roll so I recommend an hour.) Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Roll out dough on a floured board (Alton recommends using powdered sugar instead of flour but it made the cookies stick to the pan after baking which made me break a few. I used flour on the second batch and they came off beautifully) to 1/4 inch thick. Cut into desired shapes and place 1 inch apart on greased baking sheet and bake for 7-9 minutes or until cookies are just beginning to turn brown around the edges. Cool on wire rack. Serve as is or decorate as desired.

Honestly, these are so good and they just scream Christmas to me. You can eat them plain, or sprinkle them with colored sugar before baking or frost them. There is even a pre-made royal icing that you can put on the cookies that dries hard and you can paint them like I did. (I just dipped a paintbrush in a little food coloring. No artistic talent required, as you can clearly see.)

So that's how I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit this year, cookies and Christmas movies. Hope you are getting into the holiday mood too!

I've Been Naughty

I sure hope Santa doesn't cross me off the nice list because I've been neglecting my blog. I have been so bad to you, Loyal Readers and I'm sorry. I wish I had a good excuse, like a breakthrough in my cure for cancer or an urgent call to help broker peace in the Middle East. But no, just a combination of busy and lazy (it's a bad combination). I have decided that the reason people make so man New Years Resolutions is because it's hard to get anything accomplished during December.

Early edits on Vegas Schmegas have indicated that we not only need to re-shoot some scenes for technical reasons but also some additional scenes need to be written and shot. This weekend we will re-shoot at the motel location and shoot some narration that will help tie the project together. We may have to re-shoot the infamous 'dominatrix' scene as well due to a style change by our director. In the end it will make the finished product look incredible but I'm a little daunted at the idea of re-shooting that scene, primarily because I have indulged a bit too much in the holiday treats (I haven't actually gained any weight but I'm sure it's there, hiding, just waiting for me to put those fishnets back on!)

Last week and this week have been busy due to some major appliance issues. The washer stopped spinning, leaving the clothes clean but sopping wet which is especially bad when you have a dryer with no heat (don't ask, it has something to do with my mother's moral indignation against paying for electricity to heat when we live in the desert, so we line dry our clothes.) This was compounded by the need for a new refrigerator, the old one having been held together with hope and duct tape. One of the joys of living in an old house (oops, sorry, now we are referring to it as "mid-century" so it sounds almost chic) is that things are old and should be replaced but they still 'sort-of' work and so we just adapt to the quirks of each thing. (Oh, I could tell you stories about how to get our 45 year-old toilets to function somewhat properly but I don't want to frighten you.) My mother's siblings gave her gift cards for a new fridge for her birthday in September but we hadn't gone yet (again, a combination of busy and lazy). The more pressing need for a new washer sent us to Lowe's to buy some new appliances.

We bought a lovely new high efficiency front-loading washer (which my mother still doubts can be getting our clothes clean using that little water) and a new fridge (so pretty, clean and white and with nary a duct tape anywhere). They were delivered on Monday (bless you delivery men who were here and gone BEFORE the scheduled delivery time and were so courteous and helpful) which meant eating all the ice cream and superfluous food over the weekend and cleaning it out and moving all the accumulated junk around the old washer. Then I had to learn how to use our new washer (which has a program display that I think also controls NASA satellites) and put in new shelving to accommodate the new 'front load' configuration and then do DOZENS of loads of laundry that had piled up during the week without a washer. Plus I got to arrange the new fridge the way I wanted it (my mom gave me the privilege since I do most of the cooking. I love it. The condiment drawers are so large that all our old stuff fit and we still have tons of room left over. I'm trying to resist the urge to BUY MORE CONDIMENTS!!!!)

My mother is working six days a week since one co-worker left for a job at Encore (congrats Brigeda!) and her manager is quitting to move back to California due to foreclosure, leaving her the sole employee at that store. Someone from the Henderson store is there to help her until they can get people hired but it still means working every day except Sunday (thanks goodness the store is closed one day a week!)

Still, even if I have been busy and lazy, it's no reason to shirk my blogging duties. I promise to be better and get back to blogging daily. But I'll be honest, snuggling in bed on a cold winter morning is more appealing than getting up early to exercise and blog. But I'll be good Santa, honest I will. (Because he knows when I am sleeping and he knows when I'm blogging!)

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I did it, I completed NaNoWriMo!!!! I wrote a 50,000 word novel. (52,228 words to be exact.) And CONGRATULATIONS to my writing buddies Dyann, Maura and Noreen who also won NaNoWriMo!!! You guys ROCK!

How is the novel? It's AWFUL. Terrible. Atrocious. Horrible. It's called "A Time to Dream", that's how pathetic it is. What do you expect of a novel written in less than 30 days? But being good wasn't the point, for me, the point was to get done. 1,667 words a day. It seemed really intimidating until I realized that some of my daily posts here are longer than that, and I do those in less than an hour usually. So while the Graminator is napping, I CAN get into a daily writing habit.

This novel is so bad that I'm going to burn it. It's a time to die for "A Time to Dream". Now I don't believe in book burning (that's wrong) but since this one is mine I'm going to burn it in effigy, as a sacrifice to the 'writing gods' to give me the chance to write better ones. How can it be that bad? Well, I think my fellow writers will understand when I say that I used all the right words, I just put them in the wrong order. But again, this challenge wasn't for a good novel, it was for a finished novel. I'm sure Dyann and Maura and Noreen wrote great novels, but with the challenges of the Vegas Schmegas shoot I was really behind, so I wrote total crap. Pure and utter drivel. It was all for word count. No one should ever be forced to read such manure. So today, I release the words back into the universe so that I may use them again and this time put them in the right order.

NaNoWriMo gave me hope that I can write a better novel this time. I actually have three projects planned for December (I'll tell you more as I complete them) and I look forward now to some GOOD writing. Join me as I wave goodbye to my first (and hopefully worst) novel.

Post-Turkey Blues

It's something I experience every year, the post-turkey blues. I have to say that it's better this year than in years past, maybe because as I get older I know what's going to happen and I understand it now.

I am a perfectionist. I want everything to be just right. It makes me good at what I do but it also leads to great disappointment when things aren't perfect, which is most of the time since perfection isn't possible. Thanksgiving is a magnification of that. Thanksgiving is about celebrating gratitude with food. Talk about a holiday made for me! And you get to celebrate it with the people you love, making it even better. So I work really hard on this holiday, although my family tries to do their best to restrain me. If I could, I would make a dozen dishes. But since there are only seven of us, I have to keep it to a minimum. I have also learned to let others contribute to the meal, taking some of the pressure of of me.

Here was yesterday's menu:

Roast turkey - Injected with an herb butter, moist and crispy skinned.
Stuffing - Traditional bread stuffing from The Graminator's recipe. I spent four days drying out the bread and made the poultry seasoning from scratch dee to Roberta's sage allergy (see last year's post "Sage-free is Okay".)
Mashed Potatoes - Truly delicious garlic and Parmesan mashed potatoes made by Will and Val.
Gravy - Made from turkey stock I made on Monday with roasted turkey legs, carrots, celery, onions and fresh thyme. Really rich and delicious. And while it takes a while to make it, it makes turkey gravy a snap and no deglazing a pan on Thanksgiving.
Sweet Potatoes - Bourbon mashed sweet potatoes, made by Mom, from my adapted recipe.
Cranberry Sauce - Home made cranberry, pomegranate and Meyer lemon relish. Not bad but I'll go back to my regular recipe next year.
Brussels Sprouts - Shredded Brussels Sprout with Lemon from the December issue of Everyday Food. Made by mom (but I shredded the sprouts.)
Herb Rolls - Even though I'm intimidated by yeast dough, I made these rolls (from the November Issue of Sunset magazine) which requires little yeast knowledge but lots of kneading (15 minutes) by hand. Full of fresh dill, chives, parsley and rosemary. Yummy. I'll try my hand my yeast dough again.
Spinach Salad - Adapted from a recipe in Cooking Light, this fresh spinach was dressed with a sweet and spicy dressing made from red pepper jelly and had blue cheese and glazed peans (which I made myself.)
Pumpkin Pie - A traditional favorite in my house, made with fresh pumpkins I cook down myself (no canned pumpkin here!)
Butterscotch Pumpkin Pie - From the November issue of Bon Apetit. Lots of work to make and it wasn't as good as my normal pie. I wouldn't make it again. Also made Martha Stewart's Pate Brisee dough for the crust. Not good with this pie but I think it needed a higher heat. I will use the other round of dough for a different pie and see if it works better. Of course, both pies were served with fresh Chantilly cream made from Trader Joe's heavy cream.

This menu was proceeded by appetizers of shrimp cocktail, stuffed celery, deviled eggs, cranberry-cream cheese with crackers and Chex mix.

Okay, can you see why I get the blues? I spend weeks preparing the menu, days shopping and prepping and cooking an it gets eaten in under an hour. As I said, this year is better. I was prepared for the blues. And this year they were mostly forgotten due to exhaustion. (I normally take weeks to prepare but due to Vegas Schmegas production I was on a tighter schedule). And I understood this year that the only person who needed to appreciate my hard work was me. So while I would have liked a greater show of appreciation (is a standing ovation really to much to ask?) I settled for a full tummy and a glass of Moet.

My mom's kitchen is small. Really small. Like airplane galley small. And at one point I did snap when someone asked if they could help while I was trying to carve the turkey with two dogs underfoot and my mother hovering over me with a sponge to clear any turkey juice that might drip onto the counter and I had no elbow room to carve (sorry for snapping Roberta). But Roberta is cool, she just grabbed the red wine and headed out. And honestly, I would have loved some help if the kitchen wasn't so danged tiny. I don't know how my Grandma Charlotte ever cooked those huge meals for ten in there. Let me tell you "efficiency kitchen" really means "no room". Anyone know a producer at one of those remodeling shows to fix up my mom's kitchen? But if I can cook Thanksgiving in an 11' X 4' kitchen on a forty-five year old stove, I can cook most anywhere.

So the post-turkey blues are over. Which is good. It means I can move on to the pre-Christmas panic followed by the post-Christmas meltdown and the New Year's Day depression. Aren't the holidays great?

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for so many things this holiday, and one of them is you, Loyal Readers. You keep me writing and I thank you. I hope your holiday is filled with wonderful family, fabulous friends and great food and that you are surrounded by love. Happy Thanksgiving!

Always a Bridesmaid

So, Saturday Val and I went shopping for my 'maid of honor' dress. What's nice about being the only attendant is that I don't have to wear the same dress as five other girls so we kind of chose a style that both Val liked and I looked good in. We had selected two styles before we went (to David's Bridal, where Val bought her gown) and knew that we wanted pink.

One style I really liked and when I read the online reviews there were lots 'plus sized" women who really liked the dress. It got great reviews as looking good on just about everyone. The other style was a bit more formal and styled to mimic Val's dress. Both were nice but the more formal dress was hot, heavy and reminded me more of a prom dress. Plus it didn't fit right over my butt. I would have had to order it two sizes larger then have the whole top cut down three sizes (yes, the joys of a pear shaped body. I wish I could take a cup size from my ass and have it transferred to my boobs.)

The one I liked originally looked good on my body as it flowed gracefully over the trouble spots but made my bust look bigger. I'll have to have it altered a bit to shorten the straps but the only negative that I read online was that the straps sometimes come loose so having them re-sewn should solve that potential problem. The consultant also suggested that I have bra cups sewn in so I don't have to buy a special bra to wear with it. And believe it or not, I think I can actually have it shortened and wear it again later! (You always hear that but most bridesmaid dresses are so hideous that anything other than shooting them and putting them out of their misery is unthinkable.)

So, the winner is...

Better than Advertised

Hello Loyal Readers! Thanks for bearing with me during this crazy month of November. Last week was spent recovering from the Vegas Schmegas shoot plus trying to catch up on NaNoWriMo. I also had my friend over to lunch for her birthday (made a fabulous mirin glazed salmon and am going to throw all other salmon recipes away), had to take the animals to the vet, went bridesmaids dress shopping (got a dress, yay, more on that in another post), had a production meeting (we're currently only $200 over budget. Also had sad news, the loss of a former Smidgiteer. Rest in Peace, Donald.

Now here's the reason for the title. Every week on my way to the production office I pass a restaurant on Durango called Gina's Bistro. For months I have looked at it and wondered about it. It's part of a weird looking strip mall and I could never tell if it was even open or what it was like inside. Still, my love of food made me look at it every time I passed. But it's a little far from home for a new restaurant that I'd never heard anything about so I never suggested to the family that we try it.

This week, in the Neon section of the local paper (for those not in Vegas, the neon is the weekly 'arts' pull out, with show information, movie reviews, restaurant guide, etc.) there was a review of Gina's Bistro. The review was smashing, with quotes like "Gina's Bistro may not look too much like Italy, but it sure tastes -- and smells -- like an authentic trattoria in the old country." It also carried a picture which showed an attractive interior which allayed my fears that it wasn't great inside (remember, the exterior is pretty, er, uninspiring strip mall-esque.) So I read the review to the family and they seemed interested, especially since our beloved Montesano's has closed all it's locations on our side of town (Gosh I miss those garlic knots.) I checked the website to see if they were open for lunch on Sunday but couldn't find their hours (Note to Gina: This is crucial information, put it on the website!) so I called and they were indeed open for lunch. So yesterday we made the trek.



When I read a review I'm usually skeptical. After all, the reviewer and I may be looking for different things. When I write professional restaurant reviews, I'm trying to cover the basics so that I can give readers a sense of what the restaurant is all about. But when I'm eating out for pleasure, it's a whole different story. Like I would never put this in a professional review, but for you I'll tell you that you should use the restroom before you visit Gina's. It's not that the bathroom was disgusting, it's actually fairly nice (I've been in way worse, let me tell you) but it's outside the restaurant and you have to get the key and it's a little creepy. Gina's is beautiful inside and the bathroom is nicely decorated too but the 'get the key' thing feels like a bad gas station instead of a lovely restaurant. The bistro also isn't set up to be handicap friendly, although they quickly moved a table so that we could push The Graminator's wheelchair to the table. These are very minor quibbles at best.

The thing I want the most when I go out to eat is great food. Ideally it would be great food in a nice atmosphere with good service and on that, Gina's Bistro is a winner. The only people working the front of the house are the delightfully Italian accented Gina and our equally accented waitress (whose name escapes me now but who felt like an Italian aunt giving us lunch.) Although the restaurant was empty when we arrived it was soon at half capacity (which because Gina's is so small inside makes it feel cozy and familial) but service never suffered. Even though we just ordered water, our glasses were never empty. The bread basket came as soon as we ordered (although the delicious bread deserved better than the "European style butter whipped margarine" that came with it. What the hell is "European style butter whipped margarine" anyway? Next time we'll just use the olive oil that's on the table.)

The menu, like the restaurant, is small. But don't let the laminated blue paper fool you. It's packed with gems. As Val put it, "I've never been to a place before where I wanted to try just about everything on the menu." The Graminator ordered the Pollo Parmigiana which Heidi Knapp Rinella described in her review as "Chicken parmigiana ($12.95) may seem about as garden-variety as its gets, but this lily was gilded with a layer of sliced eggplant, cut thinly so that both the flavor and texture were wonderfully delicate. The customary layer of mozzarella and a good dose of marinara -- pulpy and thick, made of chunked tomatoes instead of crushed or pureed, and cooked slowly to enable the seasonings to penetrate through to the soul -- completed the dish." but she failed to mention that it is enormous, enough to feed two people, and sided with spaghetti marinara. It was delicious and Grams will be having it for lunch for the next few days. Mom ordered the Conchiglie Campagnola (Shells pasta, diced chicken, broccoli, sun dried tomatoes and roasted garlic) while Val got the Pollo Boscaiola (Chicken breast with mushrooms and cream sauce) and Will had the Involtino Di Pollo Florentina (Rolled chicken breast stuffed with spinach and fontina cheese) all of which were delicious. Will and Val's came with roasted potatoes which they raved over and broccoli which was crisp-tender and dressed simply (but deliciously) with olive oil and salt and pepper.

Okay, I saved the best for last. I got the Pappardelle Tre Bocconi which the menu lists as "Home made wide fettuccine with prosciutto, bacon, mushrooms, mini veal meat balls in a tomato sauce" but menu descriptions sometimes don't do justice to the meal they are describing. Tre Bocconi translates as "three bites" according to our waitress. The pappardelle were soft ribbons of pasta swathed in a sauce that Gina should be ashamed to call "a tomato sauce". Sure, it had tomatoes in it but it was far more velvety and rich that some plain old marinara. It was rich and earthy and I suspect had at it's base a rich veal stock and red wine in addition to tomatoes. Thick slices of chopped bacon added a smoky note while the prosciutto gave a salty counterpoint. Slices of mushroom added to the depth of the sauce then absorbed the sauce back in, becoming a meaty, chewy flavor in themselves and lots of green peas added color to the dish. The little veal meatballs were moist and the whole dish worked together. I am not exaggerating when I say that this is the best pasta dish I have ever eaten. Ever. EVER. If I saw this on the menu of a more upscale restaurant, I would expect to pay around $32.00. And it would be worth every penny. But at Gina's it was $12.50. So delicious that I'm telling you, I want it again, now. I will be dreaming of this pasta. I almost want the recipe but I know I could never make it as well as they do, so I'll just settle for going to Gina's. A lot.

I have never read a "rave" restaurant review that I agreed with completely. But this was the first time that I found that the restaurant EXCEEDED the review. Maybe she wanted to give Gina's some business but keep it from getting too crowded? I can't blame her there. It's a really small restaurant and I don't want to not be able to get in (although they do have take out so if I ever can't get a table I'll get it to go!) One young man, who was eating alone, said it was his second time there in a week. Now this was a guy who would have looked more at home at the local Micky D's but he said the lasagna was so good he just had to come back. I know just how he feels. The lasagna is definitely on my list to try but I'm really hoping someone else orders it so I can try it yet still have my Tre Bocconi. Yup, I am that greedy.

If you want some authentic and delicious Italian food, go to Gina's Bistro. Gina will greet you and even sit at your table if there is room for her to, and give you a hug on the way out. Watch the Italian channel on the TV. Listen to Bocelli playing in the background. And call me, because I want to go too!

Awkward Much?

Okay, I'm at my least favorite part of writing my book...the sex scenes.

Look, I'm not a prude, (far from it, as evidenced by the pictures in my previous post) but it's still really weird for me to write the sex scenes. I feel like I'm intruding on a very personal moment. It makes me feel almost like a voyeur. I know, they are my characters but when they get intimate I feel like I should give them some privacy.

I know I'm not alone in this, Maura wrote about this same thing on her blog and Dyann and I have discussed it as well. One of the big factors for me is that my mom and friends are going to read this (hopefully) and that feels almost like I'm telling them about my sex life. Now I can talk to my family about sex, but it's more of a general thing, I don't get specific in the details. These scenes, however, need to be graphic for the genre I'm writing. I'm blushing just thinking about it and I know everyone is going to think I'm a perv! It's something I have to get over if I want to be a successful romance writer but what will the Graminator think when she reads it?

I wrote a scene for a movie (still a WIP) that involved a serial killer and his victim. It was a graphic scene and when I got done writing it, I was really upset. I'm not a killer so how could I write about one so realistically and graphically? What does that say about me? My mom won't watch shows like "Criminal Minds" with me because she thinks it gives crazy people even more crazy ideas to work with. Is that true? Are writers responsible for the evil in the world? Does Steven King worry about this? Does life imitate art or is it the other way around? Am I the chicken or the egg? Aughhhhh!

So today my challenge is to write a highly erotic scene. I mean all out, balls to the wall (metaphorically speaking.) I can always tone it down later but for today, I'm going to break down my 'inhibitions' and just go for it. Just don't judge, okay Loyal Readers?

I am wayyyyyy behind on NaNoWriMo, having done no writing at all from Thursday to Monday. I'm hoping to catch up, but towards the end it may not be good writing. Oh well, I guess that's what rewrites are for.

Thanks for the encouragement Maura, I'm energized to get some writing done but Shelby is on hold until after NaNo. But I do feel excited to write and I have some irons in the fire. Shelby will be back in the forefront in just a few weeks!

It's (Almost) a Wrap and a Possible Career Change

After three weeks of intensive shooting, it's a wrap on principal photography on "Vegas Schmegas". Well, almost.

The motel location we were shooting at stands in the shadow of the Wynn Hotel. Literally in the shadow. Like so in the shadow that we lost shooting light at 3:30 and will have to go back and re-shoot some scenes so that all of the footage matches. And we still have a long list of things to do before we can finish editing on the project, including shooting some B-roll footage, recording some voice over, doing ADR, etc. But we are calling that "Second Unit" so that we could celebrate a wrap yesterday.

Thank you to all of the actors and crew who worked so hard to make this happen, we couldn't have done it without you. Most worked without pay and just did it for the love of being on set and working. That's what independent film making is all about. Let's pray that this project gets picked up so we can then reward everyone for their hard work.


So, after a really LONG shooting day on Friday (ten hour days on set are pretty normal, twelve hour days aren't uncommon but this one was fourteen hours long!) I may be considering a career change. How do you think I'd do as a dominatrix?
Yup, that's me in costume. The consensus on set was that the Graminator was right, I did look "nice". Although if the catcalls and whistles I got from the people driving down East Sahara were any indication, I could potentially make some money at it. It was warm all day on Friday, almost hot at points (about eighty degrees) but by the time we shot the dominatrix scene it was really cold and windy.


This is the most wonderful actress and person, Elly Brown, and me, huddled underneath Nathan's shirts in between takes. We were sooooo cold. I love Elly, she was a trouper, she was in every scene that day and was AWESOME. I want to write more stuff for her because she is so good. Usually, really beautiful women aren't all that great at comedy (they don't have to be, they are beautiful, duh) but Elly has great timing and killer comedic instincts. She's also so nice and really willing to do what it takes. And right now she's on a cruise with her husband basking in the sun on some tropical beach. I'd be jealous but she worked so hard, she deserves it!

This is Nathan Ferrier and Jimmy Germano as "Franke" and "Louie". They were great. Nathan is new to our band of merry players too, and he was awesome as well. Did I mention he's totally gorgeous but a nice guy to boot? (He's the one who gave up his own comfort to loan Elly and I his shirts on set when we were cold. He stood there in a t-shirt so we could get warm. Plus, he let us use him as a wind block.) He did a fabulous job this weekend and he's a great actor, he knew his lines and he was ready to work. Yesterday, we shot his scenes as "Stan the cab driver" and he made my lines sound even better than when I wrote them! It's hard when you are filming to see "the big picture" but the Stan scenes were really encapsulated so it was easy for me to see how great they are going to turn out, and damn is it good! It wasn't an easy part either, but Nathan pulled it off like it was no big deal. Plus he and Jimmy work really well together and I want to write them some more stuff.

It's amazing how creativity breeds the need to make more creative stuff but I thank everyone on set for giving me a 'creative energy boost'. I am fired up and ready to write. We all agreed that it was wonderful to be on set again. It is a blessing and a gift to the writer to hear their lines and see the scenes they wrote brought to life. So thank you to everyone who made this happen for the incredible gift you gave to me and to Kelly and to all of us who have been working for so long to get this project off the ground!

Mucho thanks and love to: Kelly, Mark, John B, Charisma, Denise, Jimmy, Marissa, Jon, Eddie, Zach, Elly, Nathan, Nicole, Shannon, Gary, Craig, Kelly's dad, the staff and patrons at My Cousin Vinny's, Irwin Kishner, the staff at the Somerset Motel, all the friends who showed up to play hookers and soccer moms and my family who covered for me watching the Graminator so that I could prep and be on set. No shoebox, you all are the best!

And thanks to you, Loyal Readers. Your support during this journey means more than I can ever tell you.

Making Headlines

Check out this week's column by Carol Cling in the Vegas Voice, a blog by Las Vegas Review Journal columnists.

SHOOTING STARS: TV pilot spoofs ‘Vegas Schmegas’
Posted by Carol Cling
Monday, Nov. 10, 2008 at 05:00 AM
Anyone who calls Las Vegas home knows all the clichés of life in Neon Nirvana, from the always-on lounge lizard to the showgirl-by-night, brain-surgeon-by-day.
And that’s exactly the kind of humor behind the locally produced TV pilot “Vegas Schmegas,” currently shooting weekends through November.
The pilot, from Las Vegas-based Vision Dynamics Entertainment, spoofs comical, commonly held stereotypes about Las Vegas.
You know the drill: “People live in hotels, showgirls wear their headdresses everywhere,” explains producer-director Kelly Schwarze, who hit on the idea of a Vegas sketch-comedy project while watching the British comedy troupe “Little Britain.” (Canada’s Kids in the Hall also provided inspiration, he says.)
“There are so many colorful people” in Las Vegas, Schwarze notes. So he and collaborator Shae Wilhite, a Las Vegas-based writer and comedian, came up with the “Vegas Schmegas” concept and created a variety of comedy sketches.
One focuses on a mom who takes the kids to school and shops in full showgirl regalia, another on a mobile wedding chapel that ambushes couples forces them to tie the knot. And then there’s the crabby cabby who’s always deflating visitors’ dreams.
Locals Elly Brown (a real-life showgirl who also appears in local theater productions) and Nathan Ferrier are among the performers featured in “Vegas Schmegas,” Schwarze reports.
A half-hour pilot, to be presented to various cable television producers, will feature “the best of the best” sketches being shot this month.

Stay tuned, Loyal Readers!

Midway, Thirdway, a Whip and a Bowl of Red

Hello Loyal Readers and thanks for hanging in there with me during this time of sporadic posting.

Principal photography has reached the midway point after yesterday's shoot. The weather on Saturday was beautiful, so of course we shot on Sunday when the wind, rain and clouds presented a challenge. Once scene involved about seven of us dressed in "hooker" attire in the freezing wind. Then later we shot when it was so dark and windy and cold that we were freezing (I only brought a light sweater to set and I wished I had gloves and a scarf or something!) Then when we came back outside the sun was out, the wind had stopped...lovely, right? Wrong, because now our scenes wouldn't match the earlier ones so we had to re-shoot everything. Ahh, gotta love a challenge.

It is also the 'thirdway' point of NaNoWriMo. I should be at 15,000 words but I'm a bit behind at about 10,000 words. I also can't get in to upload my word counts because the server is so busy. I'll try again today. I think I'll be able to really catch up after shooting ends next Sunday. Any writers up for a write-a-thon? (Hmm, Dyann?)

I haven't even gotten to play with my new iPod much, although I did start the set up process. Now I just wish there was an easy way to transfer everything on my Zen to my iPod...

The whip in the title of this column is actually a riding crop and it's part of the dominatrix costume I'll be wearing on Friday as part of the Vegas Schmegas shoot. Boy, is it ever uncomfortable. The fence-net pantyhose make me feel like I'm stuffing myself into those bags that hold lemons or onions. But it was a great excuse to buy a pair of boots that I can't afford (why do I feel like I'm on 'Sex and the City' when I say that?) The funniest part was when I tried my costume on for my family, The Graminator thought I looked 'really nice'. Not exactly the look I was going for, or else my grams thinks I should dress more slutty.

The bowl of red was the chili I made for the shoot yesterday. I made it much less spicy than I normally would since I was feeding a crowd (although it still had heat and I brought jalapenos for those who needed it hotter) but it got rave reviews. I mean raves. Kelly even called me at home last night to tell me again how good he thought it was. And to back up the compliments, when I went to go to clean up the crock pot it was empty. I mean empty. They ate six quarts of chili! And two pans of brownies. It went well on a cold day.

Okay, I gotta get back to work. Thanks for hanging in there, I'll try to make tomorrows post a bit more exciting.

Updates to What is Going on in my World

Obama is the new President-elect (was there ever much doubt?) He has some tough decisions to make to get this county back on track when he takes office. Now he needs to put his money where his mouth is. I hope that he can deliver on his promises because I think this country is really counting on him.

Principal photography began on Vegas Schmegas on Saturday and I think it's looking great so far. The poker scene looked even better than I expected and the cast and crew really came through. Kudos to everyone. Especially Mark for some tricky lighting cues and Kelly for being a great director. Saturday I played a dealer so I got to be more of an actor than crew and it was fun. Everyone is doing such a great job that I feel a little superfluous, but I guess that's how a lot of writers feel on set. (We usually have a really small crew so I do more but we have actual help on this set. Still, I helped move tables and track and dolly and stuff so I'm not completely useless.) Next shoot is on Sunday, and we have two different sketches to film. It will be a good ramping up for the 14th when we have a twelve hour shooting day.

I am behind on my NaNoWriMo project, but I knew I would be since I was out of commission (writing-wise) over the weekend. I also started a new novel, not the WIP I thought I'd use, but I figured I would use the 50,000 word parameters to write my "Harlequin" novel. I have loved Harlequin since I was about eleven years old and I graduated from Little House on the Prairie Books and Nancy Drew novels to the paperback romances that my Grandmother read. The ones she bought were always set in England or Canada and the heroines were always nurses and they spelled things differently like "humour". I was excited when I finally discovered ones set in America. I think that's what this one will be for, the Harlequin American line. It's an idea that kicked around my head so I'm letting it out for NaNoWriMo. I'm going to have to put in a few 'cram' sessions to make the word count by deadline but I can always re-write next month.

And Thanksgiving is coming so I'm trying out a few things in advance to see if I can improve upon the traditional dinner I usually make. I'm not allowed to mess with it much, we MUST have turkey and The Graminator's stuffing and my home made pumpkin pie (with fresh, not canned, pumpkin). I have been reading about 'dry brining' your turkey and I tried it out on a turkey breast last night so I could see how it was before trying it on a whole turkey. I usually inject my turkey with an herb steeped butter mixture but I thought I'd try this instead. My mom told me not to mess with it, that my turkey was already great, but I had to check it out for myself so I bought a turkey breast and dry brined it. The result? The vote was unanimous and I am NOT dry brining the turkey this year, we are sticking with injecting. While the turkey was fine and stayed moist, it didn't have as much flavor as the injected turkey does. Injecting, to me, makes the turkey moist and flavorful and is easier and less time consuming. So while it was a noble experiment, dry brining falls into the "not worth it" category for me. I also made Sunset magazines sourdough artichoke Parmesan stuffing and it was delicious. I won't make it for Thanksgiving (as this could get me killed by my Uncle) but I'd definitely make it for us again. And there is enough left over to make "Bobbies" this week. (Those unfamiliar with the "Bobbie" at Capriotti's sandwich shop, it's turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce on a sub roll and it's delicious!)

I ordered my first iPod. (yes, I have fallen into Apple's clutches, now that I love my Mac I'm trading my Zen for an iPod) it's the iPod Touch and it's supposed to arrive by tomorrow. I've been following it's progress and it's gone from Kunshan, China to Shanghai, China to Anchorage, Alaska to Indianapolis, Indiana so far. My iPod will have seen more of the world than I have. I know it's a luxury, not a necessity, but I decided to put my comedy money towards something I wanted instead of something I needed. I can't wait to play with it!

Okay, that's my world. Hope all is good in yours, Loyal Readers!