This has been a tough week for me. There has been a big crisis-of-faith when it comes to my writing. I keep wondering if it's going fast enough, if it's good enough, if I chose to do the right thing. There is a voice in my head that is impossible to silence. It speaks to me constantly. Sometimes it says complimentary things and encourages me but more often it is negative and tells me that I'm not good enough, not smart enough and it tells me to give up. I have to admit that, through whatever graces have blessed me, that most of the things I have wanted to achieve have come to me. But perhaps it is because this dream has been with me so long and held so close and dear to my heart that it instills the greatest fear of failure that I have ever known. It was always easy to define myself before...I was a student or an assistant office manager or a comic. But I still feel like a bit of an impostor, defining myself as a writer. I don't know why this is but I feel like a fraud. I write, every day, but I still don't know how to define myself as a writer. This journey is probably one of the most soul searching experiences of my life and it's scary. There is probably a reason why we don't soul search very often as it's sometimes not a pretty place to look. Nothing worse than doing some soul searching to find out you don't have one!
I went looking for some inspiration today in the form of quotes from other writers and these are a few that struck major chords in my heart.
The work never matches the dream of perfection the artist has to start with. - William Faulkner
The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
And this one I'm going to keep with me as I go back to my pen and paper today. It actually comes from one of my favorite writer/actor/comedians. It gives me a little tiny bit of perspective today when I feel I am struggling in a sea of doubt.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. - Steve Martin
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