The Difference Between Men and Women

WARNING: This post may contain references to bodily functions that some loyal readers may find disturbing. Read at your own risk.

After years of research I have come to the conclusion that one of the biggest differences between men and women isn't psychological, it's scatological.

While this was a principal I vaguely understood from my childhood, I assumed that this was a primarily youth oriented difference that faded after adolescence. But after working as the only female in an office of ten men I now realize the division exists throughout adulthood as well.

Men have no problems discussing these body functions. There was only one bathroom in the office and therefore it was unisex. But all courtly kindness flew out the window when it came to using the bathroom for it's intended purpose. Not only did the men use the bathroom but they issued warnings about it's smell, bragged about their emissions and made vast joking references to the act. I heard phrases like "pinch one off", "drop off a load" and "ordering a ten inch number two". Men were not only not concerned about talking about this particular bodily function but actually seemed proud of the act and rather enjoyed the references. Male oriented movies are so full of scatological humor that I have actually gagged at some references. The 'poop and fart' genre of movies is vastly popular with all males from eleven to eighty-seven.

This is vastly different in the female of the species. Women will go to great, and dangerous, lengths to avoid performing this act in public, and sometimes even in private. I know a woman who would run the bathroom sink so that her husband did not know when she used the bathroom. Apparently letting him think she was OCD with a compulsive hand washing fetish was okay. Keep in mind that this same woman allowed her husband to videotape the births of her children (and not from over her shoulder, either) which she would then show to all and sundry but still wouldn't let her husband know that she poo'd. Strange logic if you ask me.

I admit that while I'm not ashamed to my biological necessities, I don't see the need to flaunt them as the males do. There is no need to hold someones head under the covers after flatulence. But I'm not so prudish as to think that one must hide all evidence of humanness from one's mate. I have another friend, a delightful woman from Atlanta, who once said "I could never poot in front of a man". Why? Because it's not ladylike? But everyone on the planet does it. And isn't that what a committed relationship is all about? No longer holding in gas to the point of potential explosion just so your partner won't hear that you break wind? My uncle and his friend once had a flatulence contest (as adults, mind you). I'm not sure what the rules or prizes were but I can tell you that no woman in her right mind would EVER do such a thing!

I'm not suggesting that to come to a complete understanding between the genders, we must adopt all of the other sexes mannerisms. Gosh forbid. I don't want to see women bragging about the size of their emissions any more than I want men to do it. But I do think women should relax a little and men should tighten it up. More research may need to be done on why there is such a huge gap in genders when it comes to scatological references. But I'm not going to do it. Now pardon me, I have to go, er, wash my hands.