Tips for Raising an 87 Year Old

Today we will 'lose' our outside support system. Medicare and the insurance company will only pay for the nurse and physical therapist for a certain period of time and now that The Graminator's bedsore is nearly healed and she's walking they are going to discharge her. In a way I'm glad, because the nursing visits were mostly non-existent for the past month and while I loved her physical therapist Nathan (a great guy who not only remembered the Miller Family Steakhouse, a beloved and long gone restaurant of my youth, he actually worked there so we probably saw each other a zillion times and never knew it) at a certain point he was just repeating the same exercises because now it's only repetition that will get her stronger. I'll miss Linda, the CNA, the most, because she helped give The Graminator showers a couple of times a week and now I'll have to do it alone. I loved chatting with Nathan and Linda because they were awesome people who dedicate their lives to helping others and because they were cool. They both taught me a lot about how to care for The Graminator and I will always be grateful for them.

So here are a few things I have learned from them and on my own as I raise my very own 87 year old. (Many of these tips may also be applicable to toddlers.)

1. If you hook a gait belt through the back of the couch, you can make your own safety belt. But tuck the buckle behind them because roving fingers can sometimes get it open.
2. Commode chairs can actually do double duty as shower chairs.
3. Recipe for a 600+ calorie mocha: 3 heaping tablespoons weight gainer, 2 teaspoons Benefiber, 1 Tablespoon Scharffen Berger sweetened cocoa powder, 1 packet instant coffee and 1 cup half and half. Yes, it's crazy but it's helped The Graminator gain back three of the pounds she lost.
4. The Wal-Mart brand of Depends are actually better that the name brand and about 3 dollars less. Buy the pull up kind and they feel like big girl underwear, but you can still rip them down the side seams for easy exit if necessary.
5. Connect the dot puzzles are good for mental reasoning. Buy the K-1 and they are pretty easy to read for older eyes.
6. They won't always tell you when they have to go to the bathroom, so look for body clues and have them sit on the potty chair occasionally just to 'see if you can go'.
7. Tell them they won't get dessert if they don't eat their meal (but give them dessert anyway because they need the calories.)
8. Make them read out loud to you.
9. Even if it's easier for you to do it, make them do things themselves to give them a better sense of independence.
10. Patience isn't a virtue, it's a necessity.

Remember to love them and treasure them, because they won't always be with you.