Who knew that cheese sandwiches could cause such controversy? I'm so happy that a lively debate on politics, parenting and economics could take place on my blog.
No one wants kids to go hungry. I would take food out of my own mouth before my child ever went without food. Even in our poorest moments (and there were more than a few, like when my dad was laid off for more than 8 months and we were living on food stamps and donated canned goods - although I still dislike whoever donated the canned brown bread- I was grateful but it was still gross) my parents made sure we had enough to eat. (They were concerned with things like food and shelter.)
If I have one hope during this terrible economy, it's that this country gets it's priorities straight. Corporate greed needs to go, personal greed needs to go, and we need to learn to care about our fellow human beings again. Education, health care and taking care of our people (children through the elderly) needs to be a priority. How can we ever be a truly 'civilized' nation if we can't take care of one another?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Is a Cheese Sandwich Torture?
Apparently, due to the bad economy, some schools are giving cheese sandwiches to students who have 'charged' too many school lunches without paying the tab. Here's the article.
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – A cold cheese sandwich, fruit and a milk carton might not seem like much of a meal — but that's what's on the menu for students in New Mexico's largest school district without their lunch money. Faced with mounting unpaid lunch charges in the economic downturn, Albuquerque Public Schools last month instituted a "cheese sandwich policy," serving the alternative meals to children whose parents are supposed to be able to pay for some or all of their regular meals but fail to pick up the tab.
Such policies have become a necessity for schools seeking to keep budgets in the black while ensuring children don't go hungry. School districts including those in Chula Vista, Calif.; Hillsborough County, Fla.; and Lynnwood, Wash.; have also taken to serving cheese sandwiches to children with delinquent lunch accounts. Critics argue the cold meals are a form of punishment for children whose parents can't afford to pay. Parents who qualify for free meals are not affected.
"We've heard stories from moms coming in saying their child was pulled out of the lunch line and given a cheese sandwich," said Nancy Pope, director of the New Mexico Collaborative to End Hunger. "One woman said her daughter never wants to go back to school."
Some Albuquerque parents have tearfully pleaded with school board members to stop singling out their children because they're poor, while others have flooded talk radio shows thanking the district for imposing a policy that commands parental responsibility.
Second-grader Danessa Vigil said she will never eat sliced cheese again. She had to eat cheese sandwiches because her mother couldn't afford to give her lunch money while her application for free lunch was being processed. "Every time I eat it, it makes me feel like I want to throw up," the 7-year-old said. Her mother, Darlene Vigil, said there are days she can't spare lunch money for her two daughters. "Some parents don't have even $1 sometimes," the 27-year-old single mother said. "If they do, it's for something else, like milk at home. There are some families that just don't have it and that's the reason they're not paying."
Albuquerque Public Schools students receive a cheese sandwich in lieu of a hot meal if they have exceeded a set amount of meals charged to their account, ranging from two at high schools to 10 at elementary schools. The schools' Web site warns: "Once the charging limit is met, students will be offered an alternate meal consisting of a cheese sandwich and a beverage."
The School Nutrition Association recently surveyed nutrition directors from 38 states and found more than half of school districts have seen an increase in the number of students charging meals, while 79 percent saw an increase in the number of free lunches served over the last year.
In New Mexico, nearly 204,000 low-income students — about three-fifths of public school students — received free or reduced-price lunches at the beginning of the school year, according to the state Public Education Department.
"What you are seeing is families struggling and having a really hard time, and school districts are struggling as well," said Crystal FitzSimons of the national Food Research and Action Center.
In Albuquerque, unpaid lunch charges hovered around $55,000 in 2006. That jumped to $130,000 at the end of the 2007-08 school year. It was $140,000 through the first five months of this school year. Charges were on pace to reach $300,000 by the end of the year. Mary Swift, director of Albuquerque's food and nutrition services, said her department had no way to absorb that debt as it had in the past. "We can't use any federal lunch program money to pay what they call bad debt. It has to come out of the general budget and of course that takes it from some other department," Swift said. With the new policy, the school district has collected just over $50,000 from parents since the beginning of the year. It also identified 2,000 students eligible to receive free or reduced-price lunches, and more children in the lunch program means more federal dollars for the district.
School officials said the policy was under consideration for some time and parents were notified last fall. Families with unpaid charges are reminded with an automated phone call each night and notes are sent home with children once a week.
Swift added that the cheese sandwiches — about 80 of the 46,000 meals the district serves daily — can be considered a "courtesy meal," rather than an alternate meal. Some districts, she noted, don't allow children without money to eat anything.
Albuquerque Public Schools "has historically gone above and beyond as far as treating children with dignity and respect and trying to do what's best with for the child and I think this is just another example," Swift said.
This story hit home for me for a couple of reasons. The first is the students feeling singled out when they got the cheese sandwich meal. But I don't blame the school, I blame the parents. I remember one time, in first grade, when my mother forgot to give me lunch money (this was the bio-mom, not my mommy, who always made my lunch, a nutritious, delicious lunch that sometimes involved thermoses filled with surprises like ice cream). When I told the lunch lady I had no money, she gave me a lunch 'on credit'. That was so humiliating to me that I would have rather not eaten lunch that day and I had a hard time looking at the lunch lady after that. it wasn't because of the credited lunch that I was humiliated though, it was knowing my mother had forgotten me. (It wasn't the first, nor the last time.) If the parents can't afford a school lunch, they need to talk to their kids about the economic realities of their lives. If the kids are told the truth, maybe the cheese sandwich wouldn't be quite so humiliating. And when three of your five classmates is already getting the free lunch, I don't think your peers have much to judge you on. A cheese sandwich, carton of milk and piece of fruit is inexpensive and nutritional.
Secondly, the idea that having to eat a cheese sandwich is a punishment makes me laugh. First of all the notion that the school is still feeding these children is awesome. Most schools would just stop feeding them, not out of cruelty but out of economic necessity. I would be grateful for the generosity in a time of need, and I would teach my children about gratitude. But I kind of understand why some kids would consider a cheese sandwich to be a form of torture. When I was growing up, we had a rule. You had to try whatever Mom made for dinner. Just try it. If you truly didn't like it after you gave it a try, you could make yourself a cold cheese sandwich. I usually ate my dinner, no matter what because I HATE cold cheese sandwiches. Now I love grilled cheese and cheese on a burger and cheese on my nachos, but the thought of a slice of cold cheese between two slices of white bread makes me shudder with horror. The though of it being processed, plastic wrapped American cheese makes it worse. And even though I am a great condiment lover, no mayo or mustard can help. Some sliced ham could change the situation but we weren't offered that option nor a peanut butter escape route. Eat what's on you plate or make a cold cheese sandwich, those were our choices. (It's funny to me that I almost always chose to eat what was on my plate while my brother frequently picked the sandwich. Which is probably why he was a very skinny child while I was a very chubby one... he was a much pickier eater.)
So I get the whole 'don't like cheese sandwiches' thing. But again, explain it to your children, and they will get it. Just like I got it when I couldn't have the white Nike's with the red swoop I wanted and had to settle for the light green Nike's with the dark green swoop that were on clearance at the discount store. Don't keep your child out of the loop on economic reality, but give them the tools to understand it and cope with it. They will be better adults with a greater understanding of fiscal matters.
Kids, eat the cheese sandwich or pray that there is some other kid around who just loves cheese sandwiches and is willing to trade his lunch for yours. And just know, that one day you will be an adult and if you don't want to, you will never have to eat a cold cheese sandwich again. Ever.
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – A cold cheese sandwich, fruit and a milk carton might not seem like much of a meal — but that's what's on the menu for students in New Mexico's largest school district without their lunch money. Faced with mounting unpaid lunch charges in the economic downturn, Albuquerque Public Schools last month instituted a "cheese sandwich policy," serving the alternative meals to children whose parents are supposed to be able to pay for some or all of their regular meals but fail to pick up the tab.
Such policies have become a necessity for schools seeking to keep budgets in the black while ensuring children don't go hungry. School districts including those in Chula Vista, Calif.; Hillsborough County, Fla.; and Lynnwood, Wash.; have also taken to serving cheese sandwiches to children with delinquent lunch accounts. Critics argue the cold meals are a form of punishment for children whose parents can't afford to pay. Parents who qualify for free meals are not affected.
"We've heard stories from moms coming in saying their child was pulled out of the lunch line and given a cheese sandwich," said Nancy Pope, director of the New Mexico Collaborative to End Hunger. "One woman said her daughter never wants to go back to school."
Some Albuquerque parents have tearfully pleaded with school board members to stop singling out their children because they're poor, while others have flooded talk radio shows thanking the district for imposing a policy that commands parental responsibility.
Second-grader Danessa Vigil said she will never eat sliced cheese again. She had to eat cheese sandwiches because her mother couldn't afford to give her lunch money while her application for free lunch was being processed. "Every time I eat it, it makes me feel like I want to throw up," the 7-year-old said. Her mother, Darlene Vigil, said there are days she can't spare lunch money for her two daughters. "Some parents don't have even $1 sometimes," the 27-year-old single mother said. "If they do, it's for something else, like milk at home. There are some families that just don't have it and that's the reason they're not paying."
Albuquerque Public Schools students receive a cheese sandwich in lieu of a hot meal if they have exceeded a set amount of meals charged to their account, ranging from two at high schools to 10 at elementary schools. The schools' Web site warns: "Once the charging limit is met, students will be offered an alternate meal consisting of a cheese sandwich and a beverage."
The School Nutrition Association recently surveyed nutrition directors from 38 states and found more than half of school districts have seen an increase in the number of students charging meals, while 79 percent saw an increase in the number of free lunches served over the last year.
In New Mexico, nearly 204,000 low-income students — about three-fifths of public school students — received free or reduced-price lunches at the beginning of the school year, according to the state Public Education Department.
"What you are seeing is families struggling and having a really hard time, and school districts are struggling as well," said Crystal FitzSimons of the national Food Research and Action Center.
In Albuquerque, unpaid lunch charges hovered around $55,000 in 2006. That jumped to $130,000 at the end of the 2007-08 school year. It was $140,000 through the first five months of this school year. Charges were on pace to reach $300,000 by the end of the year. Mary Swift, director of Albuquerque's food and nutrition services, said her department had no way to absorb that debt as it had in the past. "We can't use any federal lunch program money to pay what they call bad debt. It has to come out of the general budget and of course that takes it from some other department," Swift said. With the new policy, the school district has collected just over $50,000 from parents since the beginning of the year. It also identified 2,000 students eligible to receive free or reduced-price lunches, and more children in the lunch program means more federal dollars for the district.
School officials said the policy was under consideration for some time and parents were notified last fall. Families with unpaid charges are reminded with an automated phone call each night and notes are sent home with children once a week.
Swift added that the cheese sandwiches — about 80 of the 46,000 meals the district serves daily — can be considered a "courtesy meal," rather than an alternate meal. Some districts, she noted, don't allow children without money to eat anything.
Albuquerque Public Schools "has historically gone above and beyond as far as treating children with dignity and respect and trying to do what's best with for the child and I think this is just another example," Swift said.
This story hit home for me for a couple of reasons. The first is the students feeling singled out when they got the cheese sandwich meal. But I don't blame the school, I blame the parents. I remember one time, in first grade, when my mother forgot to give me lunch money (this was the bio-mom, not my mommy, who always made my lunch, a nutritious, delicious lunch that sometimes involved thermoses filled with surprises like ice cream). When I told the lunch lady I had no money, she gave me a lunch 'on credit'. That was so humiliating to me that I would have rather not eaten lunch that day and I had a hard time looking at the lunch lady after that. it wasn't because of the credited lunch that I was humiliated though, it was knowing my mother had forgotten me. (It wasn't the first, nor the last time.) If the parents can't afford a school lunch, they need to talk to their kids about the economic realities of their lives. If the kids are told the truth, maybe the cheese sandwich wouldn't be quite so humiliating. And when three of your five classmates is already getting the free lunch, I don't think your peers have much to judge you on. A cheese sandwich, carton of milk and piece of fruit is inexpensive and nutritional.
Secondly, the idea that having to eat a cheese sandwich is a punishment makes me laugh. First of all the notion that the school is still feeding these children is awesome. Most schools would just stop feeding them, not out of cruelty but out of economic necessity. I would be grateful for the generosity in a time of need, and I would teach my children about gratitude. But I kind of understand why some kids would consider a cheese sandwich to be a form of torture. When I was growing up, we had a rule. You had to try whatever Mom made for dinner. Just try it. If you truly didn't like it after you gave it a try, you could make yourself a cold cheese sandwich. I usually ate my dinner, no matter what because I HATE cold cheese sandwiches. Now I love grilled cheese and cheese on a burger and cheese on my nachos, but the thought of a slice of cold cheese between two slices of white bread makes me shudder with horror. The though of it being processed, plastic wrapped American cheese makes it worse. And even though I am a great condiment lover, no mayo or mustard can help. Some sliced ham could change the situation but we weren't offered that option nor a peanut butter escape route. Eat what's on you plate or make a cold cheese sandwich, those were our choices. (It's funny to me that I almost always chose to eat what was on my plate while my brother frequently picked the sandwich. Which is probably why he was a very skinny child while I was a very chubby one... he was a much pickier eater.)
So I get the whole 'don't like cheese sandwiches' thing. But again, explain it to your children, and they will get it. Just like I got it when I couldn't have the white Nike's with the red swoop I wanted and had to settle for the light green Nike's with the dark green swoop that were on clearance at the discount store. Don't keep your child out of the loop on economic reality, but give them the tools to understand it and cope with it. They will be better adults with a greater understanding of fiscal matters.
Kids, eat the cheese sandwich or pray that there is some other kid around who just loves cheese sandwiches and is willing to trade his lunch for yours. And just know, that one day you will be an adult and if you don't want to, you will never have to eat a cold cheese sandwich again. Ever.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
La Vida Locavore
All of the food trends these days are for the slow food movement and eating locally (although with the economy in the dumper, we may see a resurgence of the 1970's ground beef cheap recipes). And I'd love to eat more locally grown food, but Las Vegas isn't exactly a mecca for agriculture.
I do grow my own herbs and tomatoes in the spring and summer, but the winter chill (yes, I know it's going to be in the 70 degree range for the next couple of days, but there was a chill in December) killed the more delicate herbs like my prized basil. I will be doubling the size of my 'farm' this year so I can have even more tomatoes, more herbs and possibly some micro greens. I am also going to try some recipes for making my own ricotta and mozzarella cheese. (Mostly for the experience, although my mother dreams of owning goats and making our own artisanal goat cheese. Don't ask me why, it's her dream.) I love artisanal and small batch products because I think there is more care and quality, but there is also a higher price tag, so making my own or growing my own is both fun and economical.
I read an article in this month's Bon Apetit about foraging. Apparently this segment of the locavore movement encourages you to go out and forage for your food, much like our non-agrarian gathering ancestors. So people go off in search of wild berries, mushrooms and the like in their local forests or fields. Cool, right? Except, wait, no forests or fields in Las Vegas. So where could I forage?
How about my yard? Easy to get to, no weird critters hanging out. We have had a lot of rain lately so there are lots of green things sprouting up. So I checked. Lots of wild mustard, which is rampant but unfortunately not edible, except the flower and I've never been big on eating flowers. Lots of grass but I don't think it's wheat grass and I don't have a juicer anyway. Hmm, there are some dandelions. I've heard of people eating dandelion greens and making dandelion wine. So I looked it up and it turns out that the entire dandelion plant is edible (the roots have medicinal uses) and that wild dandelions are as safe to eat as cultivated ones as long as no pesticide or herbicide has been sprayed on them. So I went and plucked a lot of dandelion greens. Some were huge, almost a foot in length, so I picked those and left the smaller plants alone. Into the house for a good wash and spin in the salad spinner. Now what do I do?
I love greens. Love them. Collard greens, mustard greens, kale, I like them all, although my favorite is collard because it's pretty mild. I like them cooked all sorts of ways, in soups, salads, stir fries, etc. I have even made the PERFECT greens recipe (it's going in my cookbook so I don't want to put it online but if you would like it, email me and I'll send it to you) that is so good, we gobble them up. I made them Monday and they were eaten in a flash. But I had never made dandelion greens so I had to look it up to see how to prepare them. Most articles said they were a lot like spinach but with a bit more 'bite". I found them very mild. so I just wilted them and glazed them with a bit of my 1-2-3 dressing. (Equal parts mayo, sugar and vinegar. I used red wine vinegar last night, but it can be made with any vinegar and it is so simple yet so delicious and light). My mom was a bit leery of eating the greens even though most had come straight from my garden (apparently when I turned the earth where my basil was I made a perfect spot for dandelions to grow.) But after showing her online sites testifying to the safety of dandelion greens and proving that it was indeed a dandelion I picked, she chowed down too. I told my mother she didn't have to eat any, but my grandma was actually really excited to eat them because she ate them a lot as a child, when growing up in the country meant always foraging for greens, huckleberries, wild rhubarb and such. Well, let me say, the dandelion greens were quite tasty. So good in fact, that when I joked with my mother this morning that she seemed alive and well enough after eating them, she asked if there were any more outside. I said I left some smaller plants and she told me to check the side yard too. I guess she liked them after all.
So, do you have some dandelion 'weeds' just growing in your yard? Try them, they are really tasty. Go forage some. It's about all the foraging I can do, at least until our mulberry tree starts setting fruit. But maybe if it rains some more, I'll go mushroom hunting...just kidding, I'm a foodie but I'm not that crazy!
I do grow my own herbs and tomatoes in the spring and summer, but the winter chill (yes, I know it's going to be in the 70 degree range for the next couple of days, but there was a chill in December) killed the more delicate herbs like my prized basil. I will be doubling the size of my 'farm' this year so I can have even more tomatoes, more herbs and possibly some micro greens. I am also going to try some recipes for making my own ricotta and mozzarella cheese. (Mostly for the experience, although my mother dreams of owning goats and making our own artisanal goat cheese. Don't ask me why, it's her dream.) I love artisanal and small batch products because I think there is more care and quality, but there is also a higher price tag, so making my own or growing my own is both fun and economical.
I read an article in this month's Bon Apetit about foraging. Apparently this segment of the locavore movement encourages you to go out and forage for your food, much like our non-agrarian gathering ancestors. So people go off in search of wild berries, mushrooms and the like in their local forests or fields. Cool, right? Except, wait, no forests or fields in Las Vegas. So where could I forage?
How about my yard? Easy to get to, no weird critters hanging out. We have had a lot of rain lately so there are lots of green things sprouting up. So I checked. Lots of wild mustard, which is rampant but unfortunately not edible, except the flower and I've never been big on eating flowers. Lots of grass but I don't think it's wheat grass and I don't have a juicer anyway. Hmm, there are some dandelions. I've heard of people eating dandelion greens and making dandelion wine. So I looked it up and it turns out that the entire dandelion plant is edible (the roots have medicinal uses) and that wild dandelions are as safe to eat as cultivated ones as long as no pesticide or herbicide has been sprayed on them. So I went and plucked a lot of dandelion greens. Some were huge, almost a foot in length, so I picked those and left the smaller plants alone. Into the house for a good wash and spin in the salad spinner. Now what do I do?
I love greens. Love them. Collard greens, mustard greens, kale, I like them all, although my favorite is collard because it's pretty mild. I like them cooked all sorts of ways, in soups, salads, stir fries, etc. I have even made the PERFECT greens recipe (it's going in my cookbook so I don't want to put it online but if you would like it, email me and I'll send it to you) that is so good, we gobble them up. I made them Monday and they were eaten in a flash. But I had never made dandelion greens so I had to look it up to see how to prepare them. Most articles said they were a lot like spinach but with a bit more 'bite". I found them very mild. so I just wilted them and glazed them with a bit of my 1-2-3 dressing. (Equal parts mayo, sugar and vinegar. I used red wine vinegar last night, but it can be made with any vinegar and it is so simple yet so delicious and light). My mom was a bit leery of eating the greens even though most had come straight from my garden (apparently when I turned the earth where my basil was I made a perfect spot for dandelions to grow.) But after showing her online sites testifying to the safety of dandelion greens and proving that it was indeed a dandelion I picked, she chowed down too. I told my mother she didn't have to eat any, but my grandma was actually really excited to eat them because she ate them a lot as a child, when growing up in the country meant always foraging for greens, huckleberries, wild rhubarb and such. Well, let me say, the dandelion greens were quite tasty. So good in fact, that when I joked with my mother this morning that she seemed alive and well enough after eating them, she asked if there were any more outside. I said I left some smaller plants and she told me to check the side yard too. I guess she liked them after all.
So, do you have some dandelion 'weeds' just growing in your yard? Try them, they are really tasty. Go forage some. It's about all the foraging I can do, at least until our mulberry tree starts setting fruit. But maybe if it rains some more, I'll go mushroom hunting...just kidding, I'm a foodie but I'm not that crazy!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
What In The World
Here is my take on some "news making" stories today.
The future queen of Sweden announced her engagement yesterday. Her fiance is...a gym owner. Not exactly what I would expect for a future queen but it just goes to show you that princes are hard to come by. She has been dating him for like seven years and he's been living with the royal family for a while now. (So much for the storybook virgin princess thing, huh?) Hey, the monarchy ain't what it used to be. And there is nothing like a royal wedding to boost the economy. I like Sweden, the home of Ikea, H&M, Volvo, those delicious little meatballs and yummy pancakes. And apparently they aren't so snooty that their crown princess can't marry a gym owner. (I don't think owning a gym is a bad thing, it just brings some funny visuals to my mind of a dainty queen and some sweaty muscle guy in one of those funky 'armholes-too-long-pink-wifebeater' type gym shirt and black bicycle shorts. It would make a great sitcom.) Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. And if you need wedding planning assistance, I'm getting really good at it.
Okay, I am not one to make generalizations or encourage racial stereotypes. But this story made me laugh. A woman in South Korea has failed the drivers license exam 775 times. Boy, the jokes you could make about female or Asian drivers. Apparently it is her dream to get her license so she can buy a catering truck or something. She has spent more than $6,800 just taking the test over and over again. She refuses to give up. I admire that kind of dedication, but seriously, at what point do you say, 'hey, maybe I'm just not meant to pass this test'? Now we are talking about the written portion here. I'm thinking that by the time you have taken the test say, four or five HUNDRED times, you should have it memorized. Then you go home, look up all the answers, memorize them, then go back and re-take it, and voila, you pass. Maybe the test is really, really hard and I'm not giving her enough credit. But seriously, 775 times? Maybe she could just buy the truck and have someone drive it for her?
It's Fat Tuesday! (Yes, they named a holiday after me.) It's the day before Lent begins. Traditionally you eat pancakes (to use up all the foods that you are giving up for Lent) which is why IHOP is giving away free pancakes today. It's also the last day of Mardi Gras in New Orleans where revelers drink, party on Bourbon street and women flash their breasts to obtain plastic beads worth about two cents. I'm not exactly sure how you tell Mardi Gras from any other day in New Orleans, except maybe on a regular day there aren't parades. (I used to think that New Orleans was exactly like the French Quarter area of Disneyland, which is clean and safe and contains no strip clubs. Then I went to New Orleans and boy was I shocked.) Since I love the cuisine of the Big Easy, I'm making Jambalaya for dinner tonight. I actually planned it for before I realized it was Fat Tuesday but now it's even more appropriate. Oh, and I don't give up anything for Lent since I'm not religious. But I applaud and admire those of you that do.
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said that the economy is suffering a 'severe contraction'. Really Ben? 'Cuz from where I'm sitting it looks like a full fledged epileptic seizure. But what do I know? I don't have advanced degrees in Economics. But I could see that there was going to be a housing crisis. I knew people whose credit ratings were in the low double digits, who were buying half million dollar homes with interest only mortgages. Hmm, potential problem maybe? It was a house of cards fueled by greed and it had to fall down eventually. So yes, when it all came crashing, it brought us to this 'severe contraction'. But hey, I sit here in a good position. I'm already unemployed and I pulled my money out of the stock market and into a nice federally insured account just in the nick of time. Tonight the President will give his state of the union address. I don't envy him, it's hard to pretty up "we're in a world of s**t right now". He's going to offer details of his plan for economic recovery (gosh, I hope it doesn't involve everyone collecting cans and bottles to sell to recycling centers, that was my vacation, er, stay-cation, fund plan.) But we are Americans and we always have hope. That's what is going to eventually get us through. But until that happens, I think I might give up something for Lent after all...watching the economic news.
I'll stay on the lookout for more stories to keep you in touch, informed and um, er (the only other 'in' that is springing to mind right now is incontinent but that's just not right). Stay smart, Loyal Readers!
The future queen of Sweden announced her engagement yesterday. Her fiance is...a gym owner. Not exactly what I would expect for a future queen but it just goes to show you that princes are hard to come by. She has been dating him for like seven years and he's been living with the royal family for a while now. (So much for the storybook virgin princess thing, huh?) Hey, the monarchy ain't what it used to be. And there is nothing like a royal wedding to boost the economy. I like Sweden, the home of Ikea, H&M, Volvo, those delicious little meatballs and yummy pancakes. And apparently they aren't so snooty that their crown princess can't marry a gym owner. (I don't think owning a gym is a bad thing, it just brings some funny visuals to my mind of a dainty queen and some sweaty muscle guy in one of those funky 'armholes-too-long-pink-wifebeater' type gym shirt and black bicycle shorts. It would make a great sitcom.) Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. And if you need wedding planning assistance, I'm getting really good at it.
Okay, I am not one to make generalizations or encourage racial stereotypes. But this story made me laugh. A woman in South Korea has failed the drivers license exam 775 times. Boy, the jokes you could make about female or Asian drivers. Apparently it is her dream to get her license so she can buy a catering truck or something. She has spent more than $6,800 just taking the test over and over again. She refuses to give up. I admire that kind of dedication, but seriously, at what point do you say, 'hey, maybe I'm just not meant to pass this test'? Now we are talking about the written portion here. I'm thinking that by the time you have taken the test say, four or five HUNDRED times, you should have it memorized. Then you go home, look up all the answers, memorize them, then go back and re-take it, and voila, you pass. Maybe the test is really, really hard and I'm not giving her enough credit. But seriously, 775 times? Maybe she could just buy the truck and have someone drive it for her?
It's Fat Tuesday! (Yes, they named a holiday after me.) It's the day before Lent begins. Traditionally you eat pancakes (to use up all the foods that you are giving up for Lent) which is why IHOP is giving away free pancakes today. It's also the last day of Mardi Gras in New Orleans where revelers drink, party on Bourbon street and women flash their breasts to obtain plastic beads worth about two cents. I'm not exactly sure how you tell Mardi Gras from any other day in New Orleans, except maybe on a regular day there aren't parades. (I used to think that New Orleans was exactly like the French Quarter area of Disneyland, which is clean and safe and contains no strip clubs. Then I went to New Orleans and boy was I shocked.) Since I love the cuisine of the Big Easy, I'm making Jambalaya for dinner tonight. I actually planned it for before I realized it was Fat Tuesday but now it's even more appropriate. Oh, and I don't give up anything for Lent since I'm not religious. But I applaud and admire those of you that do.
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said that the economy is suffering a 'severe contraction'. Really Ben? 'Cuz from where I'm sitting it looks like a full fledged epileptic seizure. But what do I know? I don't have advanced degrees in Economics. But I could see that there was going to be a housing crisis. I knew people whose credit ratings were in the low double digits, who were buying half million dollar homes with interest only mortgages. Hmm, potential problem maybe? It was a house of cards fueled by greed and it had to fall down eventually. So yes, when it all came crashing, it brought us to this 'severe contraction'. But hey, I sit here in a good position. I'm already unemployed and I pulled my money out of the stock market and into a nice federally insured account just in the nick of time. Tonight the President will give his state of the union address. I don't envy him, it's hard to pretty up "we're in a world of s**t right now". He's going to offer details of his plan for economic recovery (gosh, I hope it doesn't involve everyone collecting cans and bottles to sell to recycling centers, that was my vacation, er, stay-cation, fund plan.) But we are Americans and we always have hope. That's what is going to eventually get us through. But until that happens, I think I might give up something for Lent after all...watching the economic news.
I'll stay on the lookout for more stories to keep you in touch, informed and um, er (the only other 'in' that is springing to mind right now is incontinent but that's just not right). Stay smart, Loyal Readers!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Oscar Wrap Up - A Night of Beige and Bawling
Okay, it's my annual take on the Oscars.
First off, as of Saturday morning I hadn't seen any of the "Best Picture" nominees. By the time the Oscars aired, I had seen four of the five. Plus "Doubt', which wasn't nominated, but should have been. And I don't want to say how I saw them - I did NOT illegally download movies - but I still feel dirty. Out of guilt I will have to buy the DVD's when they come out. Let's just say that Chinese YouTube (YouKu) doesn't follow the same infringement laws as the U.S.
So, "Slumdog Millionaire" won. Did it deserve it? That's a great question. Of the nominees I saw (I didn't watch "Frost/Nixon") it was the least depressing. But while everyone is touting it as the 'feel good movie of the year', I have to warn you that it was the most depressing 'feel good' movie I have ever seen. Sure, it has a 'happy ending'. But it takes a long, arduous, painful journey to get there. Still, I liked it better than "The Reader" (in all fairness, I read the book and hated it, so the fact that the picture was as slow, dull and self-important as it was was no surprise.) "Milk" was a good movie (I'd say it was a great movie, but there is a documentary narrated by Harvey Feirstein, called "The Times of Harvey Milk" that covered this same subject better, it was a great movie so "Milk" only gets a 'good' from me.) Josh Brolin was good in "Milk", so deserving of his nomination. Sean Penn? Well, we'll get to that later. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was good too. So they were all excellent choices for Best Picture. But they all made me long for Prozac. In the end, I'll say yes, the right movie won "Best Picture". But probably a little of that was for the little indie film, which Oscar loves to recognize so that it can feel proud of itself while still sucking at the teat of corporate film making.
Okay, on to Oscar night itself. Dull. Dull. Dull. In a time when the economy is bad, I want happy, gaudy, over the top Oscars. But it was a sea of beige, with a bland host, hardly any comedy and a musical number that was, well, weird. First, Hugh Jackman. Lovely man, very handsome, still faithful to his wife, incredibly talented. Not an Oscar host. A Tony host? Sure, absolutely. But Oscars, not so much. There is a reason why the best Oscar hosts (Carson and Crystal, IMO) are comedians, because this night needs the levity. The opening number was okay, but not boffo and it went downhill from there. The only "highlights' for me were Jackman's intimation that Streep's numerous nominations might be the result of performance enhancing drugs, Tina Fey with Steve Martin (Fey: "Someone once wrote "To write is to live forever", Martin: "The person who wrote that is dead") and Ben Stiller's hilarious send up of Joaquin Phoenix, which was brilliant. But there were no over-the-top gowns or production numbers, no crazy flubs (unless you count Alan Arkin calling 'Phillip Seymour Hoffman' as "Seymour Phillip Hoffman' as crazy.
First up was "Best Supporting Actress" which showed the bizarre new format for the night of five former winners in the category introducing the five nominees in kissy-kissy fest that brought so many nominees to pseudo tears. (Real tears ruin makeup). The winner was Penelope Cruz. Not that she wasn't good enough to win, but Viola Davis in "Doubt" brought my mother to real tears - real, eye reddening, makeup smearing tears. (By the way, my mother watched "Doubt" with me and said that was the worst thing (meaning the legality of watching pirated video on the net) she has done in many, many years. Which made me think, it's probably not the worst thing I've done this month. It's tough to live with a saint.) So Viola was my choice, but she was in only one scene of the movie. Next was "Best Supporting Actor". And by next, I mean an hour and seventeen minutes later.
Look, I love the awards for screenwriting, documentary, short subject, makeup and set design as much as the next person (an probably more than the next person, unless the next person is a nominee for screenwriting, documentary, short subject, makeup or set design.) But there has to be a better way to intersperse the five "big" awards so that one isn't at 5:43, one at 7:30 and three at 8:42. I'm just saying, that's all. Of course, "Best Supporting Actor" went to Heath Ledger. You could have bet the farm. Not that you really could have bet the farm since his Vegas odds were 1-2. (Yes, you would have lost a dollar on that bet if you had won, weird, huh?) It was a really great performance by Heath, I'm just not entirely convinced that he would have won had he not died.
Disappointments? Well, I missed having five song nominees. The Academy decreed that no more than two songs could come from a single film (after last year's three songs from "Enchanted" debacle) but to then have only three songs with two of them from "Slumdog Millionaire" win wasn't any better. Worse was the tribute number where they tried to mix the two Bollywood songs with the Peter Gabriel song from "Wall E". It was awkward and odd. 'Jai Ho' won, probably the first time a Best Song went to a song that most Americans couldn't understand the lyrics to (not counting Bob Dylan singing the "Wonder Boys" song in 2001.) And the "In Memoriam" is one of my favorite parts of the Oscar telecast and having Queen Latifah sing was fine, in fact she did a beautiful rendition of "I'll Be Seeing You" but they should seriously fire the director who kept the camera on her while ignoring the video with the dead people on it. Um, hey, it's the point of the memorial segment to show the dead people. I don't know whose picture I missed due to this blunderheaded move but I hope their families get really mad at the Academy. Also, while I harangue the Academy, what was with the 'advertisements' for upcoming releases at the end of the show? Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Okay, "Best Actress" went to Kate Winslet. Now I like Kate just fine, although I think calling her 'the finest actress of her generation" is laying it on a bit thick. But she did not deserve her win last night. I know that Meryl Streep is nominated for an award every time she sneezes, but she was wonderful in "Doubt". Much better than Kate. (I'm sorry Kate, but you know it's true.) But Kate has been nominated six times and never won before so I guess the Academy thought they had better honor her before she did a Susan Lucci. It still seemed odd though, considering hardly anyone even saw "The Reader" (heck even Hugh Jackman did a joke about it.) "Best Actor" went to Sean Penn and while my secret hope was for Richard Jenkins (and my mom was rooting for anyone BUT Penn or Brad Pitt) I can see why he won. I even liked his speech, or at least the first 45 seconds of it. Then he went all political and lost me. Plus he didn't thank his wife. Guess the reconciliation isn't going as well as they would like.
And then the big win for "Slumdog Millionaire" which won awards it wasn't even nominated for. (Just kidding!) I agree with the "Best Picture" win but I have a quibble with the "Best Cinematography" win. But that's just my opinion and since I'm not an Academy member (yet) my vote doesn't count.
Okay, on to fashion. I'm no stylista and I don't much care but here is my two cents. Best gown to Natalie Portman because it wasn't beige, black, grey or navy blue (was this a funeral?) Worst gown, Miley Cyrus (and what the hell was she doing at the Academy Awards? Oh, wait, Disney owns ABC.) Worst jewelry, Angelina Jolie. I'm sure those emeralds cost a bloody fortune but they could have been from a candy machine and no one would have been able to tell the difference. Gaudy and ugly. And didn't anyone tell her that emeralds are unlucky? And did anyone else notice how similar in style and color the dress that Queen Latifah wore to sing and the dress that Reese Witherspoon came out in moments later were? I would have thought they exchanged clothes except Resse is a size 00 and Latifah is a ginormous size ten or twelve (which is heifer by industry standards.)
And my favorite red carpet moment? When someone asked Miley Cyrus (after he asked her to plug the new "Hannah Montana" movie that opens in April) if she would like to be a nominee someday and she said "Oh yes, I'd love to be nominated for this film, it's very different than what you expect". Um, Miley, the chances of you being nominated for an Oscar for a Hannah Montana film are about the same as me being nominated next year for the film I'm working on. Not if you were the last actress on the planet Earth. Sorry kid, but thanks for a great moment of humor.
Okay, the 2009 awards are over. Next year, more glitz, more humor and more fun, please!
First off, as of Saturday morning I hadn't seen any of the "Best Picture" nominees. By the time the Oscars aired, I had seen four of the five. Plus "Doubt', which wasn't nominated, but should have been. And I don't want to say how I saw them - I did NOT illegally download movies - but I still feel dirty. Out of guilt I will have to buy the DVD's when they come out. Let's just say that Chinese YouTube (YouKu) doesn't follow the same infringement laws as the U.S.
So, "Slumdog Millionaire" won. Did it deserve it? That's a great question. Of the nominees I saw (I didn't watch "Frost/Nixon") it was the least depressing. But while everyone is touting it as the 'feel good movie of the year', I have to warn you that it was the most depressing 'feel good' movie I have ever seen. Sure, it has a 'happy ending'. But it takes a long, arduous, painful journey to get there. Still, I liked it better than "The Reader" (in all fairness, I read the book and hated it, so the fact that the picture was as slow, dull and self-important as it was was no surprise.) "Milk" was a good movie (I'd say it was a great movie, but there is a documentary narrated by Harvey Feirstein, called "The Times of Harvey Milk" that covered this same subject better, it was a great movie so "Milk" only gets a 'good' from me.) Josh Brolin was good in "Milk", so deserving of his nomination. Sean Penn? Well, we'll get to that later. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was good too. So they were all excellent choices for Best Picture. But they all made me long for Prozac. In the end, I'll say yes, the right movie won "Best Picture". But probably a little of that was for the little indie film, which Oscar loves to recognize so that it can feel proud of itself while still sucking at the teat of corporate film making.
Okay, on to Oscar night itself. Dull. Dull. Dull. In a time when the economy is bad, I want happy, gaudy, over the top Oscars. But it was a sea of beige, with a bland host, hardly any comedy and a musical number that was, well, weird. First, Hugh Jackman. Lovely man, very handsome, still faithful to his wife, incredibly talented. Not an Oscar host. A Tony host? Sure, absolutely. But Oscars, not so much. There is a reason why the best Oscar hosts (Carson and Crystal, IMO) are comedians, because this night needs the levity. The opening number was okay, but not boffo and it went downhill from there. The only "highlights' for me were Jackman's intimation that Streep's numerous nominations might be the result of performance enhancing drugs, Tina Fey with Steve Martin (Fey: "Someone once wrote "To write is to live forever", Martin: "The person who wrote that is dead") and Ben Stiller's hilarious send up of Joaquin Phoenix, which was brilliant. But there were no over-the-top gowns or production numbers, no crazy flubs (unless you count Alan Arkin calling 'Phillip Seymour Hoffman' as "Seymour Phillip Hoffman' as crazy.
First up was "Best Supporting Actress" which showed the bizarre new format for the night of five former winners in the category introducing the five nominees in kissy-kissy fest that brought so many nominees to pseudo tears. (Real tears ruin makeup). The winner was Penelope Cruz. Not that she wasn't good enough to win, but Viola Davis in "Doubt" brought my mother to real tears - real, eye reddening, makeup smearing tears. (By the way, my mother watched "Doubt" with me and said that was the worst thing (meaning the legality of watching pirated video on the net) she has done in many, many years. Which made me think, it's probably not the worst thing I've done this month. It's tough to live with a saint.) So Viola was my choice, but she was in only one scene of the movie. Next was "Best Supporting Actor". And by next, I mean an hour and seventeen minutes later.
Look, I love the awards for screenwriting, documentary, short subject, makeup and set design as much as the next person (an probably more than the next person, unless the next person is a nominee for screenwriting, documentary, short subject, makeup or set design.) But there has to be a better way to intersperse the five "big" awards so that one isn't at 5:43, one at 7:30 and three at 8:42. I'm just saying, that's all. Of course, "Best Supporting Actor" went to Heath Ledger. You could have bet the farm. Not that you really could have bet the farm since his Vegas odds were 1-2. (Yes, you would have lost a dollar on that bet if you had won, weird, huh?) It was a really great performance by Heath, I'm just not entirely convinced that he would have won had he not died.
Disappointments? Well, I missed having five song nominees. The Academy decreed that no more than two songs could come from a single film (after last year's three songs from "Enchanted" debacle) but to then have only three songs with two of them from "Slumdog Millionaire" win wasn't any better. Worse was the tribute number where they tried to mix the two Bollywood songs with the Peter Gabriel song from "Wall E". It was awkward and odd. 'Jai Ho' won, probably the first time a Best Song went to a song that most Americans couldn't understand the lyrics to (not counting Bob Dylan singing the "Wonder Boys" song in 2001.) And the "In Memoriam" is one of my favorite parts of the Oscar telecast and having Queen Latifah sing was fine, in fact she did a beautiful rendition of "I'll Be Seeing You" but they should seriously fire the director who kept the camera on her while ignoring the video with the dead people on it. Um, hey, it's the point of the memorial segment to show the dead people. I don't know whose picture I missed due to this blunderheaded move but I hope their families get really mad at the Academy. Also, while I harangue the Academy, what was with the 'advertisements' for upcoming releases at the end of the show? Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Okay, "Best Actress" went to Kate Winslet. Now I like Kate just fine, although I think calling her 'the finest actress of her generation" is laying it on a bit thick. But she did not deserve her win last night. I know that Meryl Streep is nominated for an award every time she sneezes, but she was wonderful in "Doubt". Much better than Kate. (I'm sorry Kate, but you know it's true.) But Kate has been nominated six times and never won before so I guess the Academy thought they had better honor her before she did a Susan Lucci. It still seemed odd though, considering hardly anyone even saw "The Reader" (heck even Hugh Jackman did a joke about it.) "Best Actor" went to Sean Penn and while my secret hope was for Richard Jenkins (and my mom was rooting for anyone BUT Penn or Brad Pitt) I can see why he won. I even liked his speech, or at least the first 45 seconds of it. Then he went all political and lost me. Plus he didn't thank his wife. Guess the reconciliation isn't going as well as they would like.
And then the big win for "Slumdog Millionaire" which won awards it wasn't even nominated for. (Just kidding!) I agree with the "Best Picture" win but I have a quibble with the "Best Cinematography" win. But that's just my opinion and since I'm not an Academy member (yet) my vote doesn't count.
Okay, on to fashion. I'm no stylista and I don't much care but here is my two cents. Best gown to Natalie Portman because it wasn't beige, black, grey or navy blue (was this a funeral?) Worst gown, Miley Cyrus (and what the hell was she doing at the Academy Awards? Oh, wait, Disney owns ABC.) Worst jewelry, Angelina Jolie. I'm sure those emeralds cost a bloody fortune but they could have been from a candy machine and no one would have been able to tell the difference. Gaudy and ugly. And didn't anyone tell her that emeralds are unlucky? And did anyone else notice how similar in style and color the dress that Queen Latifah wore to sing and the dress that Reese Witherspoon came out in moments later were? I would have thought they exchanged clothes except Resse is a size 00 and Latifah is a ginormous size ten or twelve (which is heifer by industry standards.)
And my favorite red carpet moment? When someone asked Miley Cyrus (after he asked her to plug the new "Hannah Montana" movie that opens in April) if she would like to be a nominee someday and she said "Oh yes, I'd love to be nominated for this film, it's very different than what you expect". Um, Miley, the chances of you being nominated for an Oscar for a Hannah Montana film are about the same as me being nominated next year for the film I'm working on. Not if you were the last actress on the planet Earth. Sorry kid, but thanks for a great moment of humor.
Okay, the 2009 awards are over. Next year, more glitz, more humor and more fun, please!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Things I Need to Do This Weekend
Clean the house - How does it get so messy?
Take the Graminator for a haircut - I'm thinking a cute little pixie
Find some pictures of cute pixie cuts to show the stylist
Buy pies to take to table read
Go over script again before the table read
Table read for new film - 6:30pm Friday
Get invitation approved by Will & Val so all components can be printed - only one week before these need to go out!
Go to the grocery store
Go to the post office
See "The Wiz" at LVA - 7:00pm Saturday
Try to see "Slumdog Millionaire" before the Oscar telecast
Make goodies for Oscar festivities - I have some cool new popcorn recipes I want to try
Pick up beverages for Oscar festivities - should it just be bubbly or should I make a 'signature' cocktail?
Watch THE OSCARS! - It's my Superbowl
Sleep
Take the Graminator for a haircut - I'm thinking a cute little pixie
Find some pictures of cute pixie cuts to show the stylist
Buy pies to take to table read
Go over script again before the table read
Table read for new film - 6:30pm Friday
Get invitation approved by Will & Val so all components can be printed - only one week before these need to go out!
Go to the grocery store
Go to the post office
See "The Wiz" at LVA - 7:00pm Saturday
Try to see "Slumdog Millionaire" before the Oscar telecast
Make goodies for Oscar festivities - I have some cool new popcorn recipes I want to try
Pick up beverages for Oscar festivities - should it just be bubbly or should I make a 'signature' cocktail?
Watch THE OSCARS! - It's my Superbowl
Sleep
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Six Degrees of (Insert Celebrity Name Here)
Okay, so you all know I'm working on a new feature film, which is set to begin filming sometime after my feature film debut finishes filming. (In exciting update news, that film will begin shooting on May 8th, YAY!)
For my film, which is set in Vegas - because a) write what you know and b) Vegas is, well, still cool - I need to find a celebrity. Or possibly celebrities. I'm making this film on no budget and not paying anyone, except that craft services will be good (for those that don't know what craft services is, it's the food on set, and believe me, always trust the fat girl with food). I think this film is going to get some buzz on the festival circuit. I don't want to give too much away but the concept for the film is totally unique and something that is a bit risky but truly interesting. But because the cast will be free and therefore relatively unknown, I need a celebrity cameo appearance or two to help boost the films 'street cred'.
I was at a film festival with "Supermodels" where my little 'film that could' showed with another film that looked fantastic. Now I love my film but it cost $1800 and was made with completely unknown actors (and I use that term loosely because most of them, okay all of them, had never acted in a film before). This film had Robert Wagner and Lori Singer in it. (It's called "Little Victim" and it's a really cute movie, you can see it here.) Made by the Ronalds Brothers, I asked them how much their movie cost them to make. They said $100,000. After I finished choking, I asked how they got actors like Robert Wagner. That's when I was told that if you can afford to meet an actor's 'day rate' (that is, the amount an actor gets paid for one days work) then you can hire any actor you want. While I'm sure they couldn't get ANY actor, I wondered about directors like me, working with no budget. Could I get an actor? A real one? One who was sort of 'known'? (By the way, you can buy the Ronalds Brothers feature film, "Netherbeast Incorporated" online or rent it on Netflix. It has Darrell Hammond, Judd Nelson, Dave Foley and yes, Robert Wagner in it.)
So here is what I need from you, Loyal Readers. We are going to play "Six Degrees of Separation". Do you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody? I'd love to find some celebrities for this film. Here is my dream list: Wayne Newton, Penn & Teller, Siegfried and/or Roy, George Wallace, Donny and/or Marie. Yes, it's a list of celebrities who already are in Las Vegas. That's because I can't provide airfare or accommodations. But if you know a celebrity who's willing to come to Vegas on their own dime for a cameo role to help a struggling filmmaker, by all means invite them.
Here is what I can provide for any celebrity who decides to help us out with a credited or uncredited cameo: Transportation to and from the set in a 2002 Toyota Corolla, an assigned lackey to fetch water, juice, etc while keeping paparazzi at bay, excellent craft services and the director will personally make you two dozen cupcakes in any flavor(s) you choose. Plus all the undying gratitude you can stand. And for the six degree people who are able to get me in contact with said celebrities, the cupcake offer stands for you too as well as thank you credit in the film.
Okay, Loyal Readers, you have your assignment. Filming will begin in September. So think about who you know who might know someone who might know someone. This is a social experiment to test the six degrees of separation. I know we can do it! My film depends on YOU!
For my film, which is set in Vegas - because a) write what you know and b) Vegas is, well, still cool - I need to find a celebrity. Or possibly celebrities. I'm making this film on no budget and not paying anyone, except that craft services will be good (for those that don't know what craft services is, it's the food on set, and believe me, always trust the fat girl with food). I think this film is going to get some buzz on the festival circuit. I don't want to give too much away but the concept for the film is totally unique and something that is a bit risky but truly interesting. But because the cast will be free and therefore relatively unknown, I need a celebrity cameo appearance or two to help boost the films 'street cred'.
I was at a film festival with "Supermodels" where my little 'film that could' showed with another film that looked fantastic. Now I love my film but it cost $1800 and was made with completely unknown actors (and I use that term loosely because most of them, okay all of them, had never acted in a film before). This film had Robert Wagner and Lori Singer in it. (It's called "Little Victim" and it's a really cute movie, you can see it here.) Made by the Ronalds Brothers, I asked them how much their movie cost them to make. They said $100,000. After I finished choking, I asked how they got actors like Robert Wagner. That's when I was told that if you can afford to meet an actor's 'day rate' (that is, the amount an actor gets paid for one days work) then you can hire any actor you want. While I'm sure they couldn't get ANY actor, I wondered about directors like me, working with no budget. Could I get an actor? A real one? One who was sort of 'known'? (By the way, you can buy the Ronalds Brothers feature film, "Netherbeast Incorporated" online or rent it on Netflix. It has Darrell Hammond, Judd Nelson, Dave Foley and yes, Robert Wagner in it.)
So here is what I need from you, Loyal Readers. We are going to play "Six Degrees of Separation". Do you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody? I'd love to find some celebrities for this film. Here is my dream list: Wayne Newton, Penn & Teller, Siegfried and/or Roy, George Wallace, Donny and/or Marie. Yes, it's a list of celebrities who already are in Las Vegas. That's because I can't provide airfare or accommodations. But if you know a celebrity who's willing to come to Vegas on their own dime for a cameo role to help a struggling filmmaker, by all means invite them.
Here is what I can provide for any celebrity who decides to help us out with a credited or uncredited cameo: Transportation to and from the set in a 2002 Toyota Corolla, an assigned lackey to fetch water, juice, etc while keeping paparazzi at bay, excellent craft services and the director will personally make you two dozen cupcakes in any flavor(s) you choose. Plus all the undying gratitude you can stand. And for the six degree people who are able to get me in contact with said celebrities, the cupcake offer stands for you too as well as thank you credit in the film.
Okay, Loyal Readers, you have your assignment. Filming will begin in September. So think about who you know who might know someone who might know someone. This is a social experiment to test the six degrees of separation. I know we can do it! My film depends on YOU!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Has Reality TV Jumped The Shark?
I admit, I used to watch a lot of reality TV. My only excuse is that, well, that's all there was on. Plus the office I used to work in had a lot of reality TV fans, and if you wanted water cooler conversation then you had better know what happened on "Survivor", "Big Brother", etc.
But I think that reality TV, even the ones that were somewhat interesting, has gotten really, well, dull. I couldn't tell you who won the last season on "Survivor" or "Big Brother", and I also couldn't care less who wins this season. Even my favorite reality show, "The Amazing Race" seemed pretty low on it's first show of the season last night. Watching drunk Swiss men laugh at the contestants while they tried to carry hundreds of pounds down a steep hill, falling and hurting themselves, just seemed cruel. Not to mention the couple that appears to be reforming meth addicts who are afraid to leave the U.S. Um, hello, you applied to be on a show that takes you around the world. Plus even the deaf kid could find the yodelers more quickly than they could. If their combined IQ's added up to the triple digits I'd be surprised.
Have we seen it all before? Or, possibly, is the prospect of all that "reality" in a time where the actual reality, well, kind of sucks, just not what we need right now?
Reality television is cheaper to produce. But I don't think it's very 'entertaining' any more.
But I think that reality TV, even the ones that were somewhat interesting, has gotten really, well, dull. I couldn't tell you who won the last season on "Survivor" or "Big Brother", and I also couldn't care less who wins this season. Even my favorite reality show, "The Amazing Race" seemed pretty low on it's first show of the season last night. Watching drunk Swiss men laugh at the contestants while they tried to carry hundreds of pounds down a steep hill, falling and hurting themselves, just seemed cruel. Not to mention the couple that appears to be reforming meth addicts who are afraid to leave the U.S. Um, hello, you applied to be on a show that takes you around the world. Plus even the deaf kid could find the yodelers more quickly than they could. If their combined IQ's added up to the triple digits I'd be surprised.
Have we seen it all before? Or, possibly, is the prospect of all that "reality" in a time where the actual reality, well, kind of sucks, just not what we need right now?
Reality television is cheaper to produce. But I don't think it's very 'entertaining' any more.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day or Excuse Me While I Wretch
For those of you in love, Happy Valentine's Day. For those of us that are solo, candy will be half price on Sunday, hang in there.
Each year I eschew Valentine's Day as a made up holiday for the benefit of greeting card companies and candy manufacturers. And I don't think that's actually too far off. Why do we need one day to tell the people we love that we love them? Shouldn't we be doing that like, um, every day?
My dislike of Valentine's Day goes all the way back to elementary school, where some moron decreed that Valentines should be given to classmates and then counted to see who received the most, thereby starting the popularity contest race in kindergarten. It also began my consoling myself with large amounts of Reeses's and M&M's.
My family wasn't sentimental about Valentine's either. My father brought home gifts to commemorate the day ONCE in my whole life. Now I have no doubt that he loved us. He was a brilliant man who worked twelve hour shifts in a steel mill so that he could provide for his family and allow his wife to stay home with her children. But he wasn't exactly Mr. Romance. So when he arrived home with gifts that one February 14th, it stuck out in our minds, because it was unusual. In fact, I didn't know my father knew how to go into a store by himself before that day. (My mother was so surprised by the gesture that she got us all gifts for Easter that year. I'll always remember that year.)
Now I do participate in Valentine's Day, because I love my family and I try to show them as often as I can, and because in my cynical little heart I actually like doing that sort of thing. But I expect (and usually receive) nothing in return. Then I'm not disappointed. But I do love romance so here are some things I'll share with you, to help honor the day.
Watch the "30 Rock" Valentine's episode that aired last night (available on demand online). One of the funniest shows ever and an excellent lesson in why not to eat cheese stew on a first date. Hilarious.
Best Romantic Movies to Snuggle with:
"Pride and Prejudice" - Either version. The Keira Knightly one is so beautifully shot, it's marvelous. But the BBC one with Colin Firth has, well, Colin Firth - Best. Darcy. Ever.
For that matter, anything by or about Jane Austen. That woman had a way with the romance. "Sense and Sensibility", "Persuasion", "Emma", all delicious. Or adaptations like "Bride and Prejudice" (the Bollywood version), "Bridget Jones' Diary" and "Clueless" (based on "Emma", did you know that?). Or try "Becoming Jane" for Austen's own romantic trials. And don't forget "The Jane Austen Book Club"!
"Love Actually" - Great Christmas film, great romantic film.
"While You Were Sleeping" - I have, quite honestly, seen this movie hundreds of times. I can watch it over and over and never get tired of it.
"Dirty Dancing" - Patrick Swayze, dancing, Jerry Orbach, dancing and a heroine that wasn't very pretty (sorry, Jennifer Grey) so those of us less that gifted genetically could actually see that happening to us. I wish someone would take me out of the corner.
"Pretty Woman" - Who would have thought that a movie about a prostitute and a hard nosed corporate raider would be romantic? Leave it to the brilliant Garry Marshall to make it so. I worship at the alter of this comedy legend.
"Return to Me" - I felt the love story, I didn't just watch it. Brilliant. Plus David Duchovny and a killer soundtrack. Kudos to Bonnie Hunt and Don Lake for making this one.
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - Pass the gyros and tzadziki, I'm going to that wedding. And John Corbett is so yummy, even though I can't figure out for the life of me why.
"Once" - A romantic movie it might not seem, but a romantic movie it is all the same. And a good one at that.
Best Stuff to Eat/Drink on Valentine's -
See's Chocolate - I'm a cream center kind of girl while everyone else is Nuts and Chews. Either way, you won't be unhappy.
Dreamstone Moscato Sparkling Wine - $7.99 at Fresh and Easy. Light, sweet and bubbly, what more could you ask for?
Freed's Bakery Eclairs - Thank goodness I live nowhere near a Freed's. Because just remembering eating the eclair made me gain two pounds.
Luv It's Frozen Custard - A Las Vegas institution for more than 35 years. It's so worth braving the bad neighborhood. The Desert Sundae (with hot fudge, homemade marshmallow and salted pecans) is the way to go. Do yourself a favor and order the junior size. You can't eat the large one, trust me, you can try but you'll regret it later.
Marie Callendar's Pie - It's no coincidence that Valentine's day falls in February and February is pie month at Marie Callendar's. Don't fight fate, just enjoy it.
Mirin Glazed Salmon - Recipe here.
Best Places to Spend Valentine's Day with your Sweetheart... For Free
Who needs crowded restaurants with overpriced 'special Valentine's menus'? Here are some picks that are romantic and free.
In Bed - Hey, it's free, it's good exercise and nothing says I love you like a little nookie. Sorry if I went PG-13 all of a sudden.
Watching the Fountains at Bellagio - Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing "Con Te Partiro", you can't get much more romantic than that. For those of you who don't live in Vegas, here's a video.
Swing Set at Park/Playground/Schoolyard - Remember that funny feeling in your stomach as you soared on the swings? It's a little like the feeling you get when you fall in love. Relive both feelings when you get your significant other to swing with you.
Okay, I just betrayed my wushy-gushy romantic side. Sure, I wish I had a 'romantic' valentine. But I am blessed with love. So while I will spend Valentine's Day with my family (eating the salmon and pie and watching one of the films on the list) I hope you have a wonderful day surrounded by the people and things you love.
Happy Valentine's Day, Loyal Readers. May your day be filled with more sentiment than a Hallmark card commercial, more love than the Democrats have for Obama and more joy than a bag full of peanut butter cups. XXOOGa
Each year I eschew Valentine's Day as a made up holiday for the benefit of greeting card companies and candy manufacturers. And I don't think that's actually too far off. Why do we need one day to tell the people we love that we love them? Shouldn't we be doing that like, um, every day?
My dislike of Valentine's Day goes all the way back to elementary school, where some moron decreed that Valentines should be given to classmates and then counted to see who received the most, thereby starting the popularity contest race in kindergarten. It also began my consoling myself with large amounts of Reeses's and M&M's.
My family wasn't sentimental about Valentine's either. My father brought home gifts to commemorate the day ONCE in my whole life. Now I have no doubt that he loved us. He was a brilliant man who worked twelve hour shifts in a steel mill so that he could provide for his family and allow his wife to stay home with her children. But he wasn't exactly Mr. Romance. So when he arrived home with gifts that one February 14th, it stuck out in our minds, because it was unusual. In fact, I didn't know my father knew how to go into a store by himself before that day. (My mother was so surprised by the gesture that she got us all gifts for Easter that year. I'll always remember that year.)
Now I do participate in Valentine's Day, because I love my family and I try to show them as often as I can, and because in my cynical little heart I actually like doing that sort of thing. But I expect (and usually receive) nothing in return. Then I'm not disappointed. But I do love romance so here are some things I'll share with you, to help honor the day.
Watch the "30 Rock" Valentine's episode that aired last night (available on demand online). One of the funniest shows ever and an excellent lesson in why not to eat cheese stew on a first date. Hilarious.
Best Romantic Movies to Snuggle with:
"Pride and Prejudice" - Either version. The Keira Knightly one is so beautifully shot, it's marvelous. But the BBC one with Colin Firth has, well, Colin Firth - Best. Darcy. Ever.
For that matter, anything by or about Jane Austen. That woman had a way with the romance. "Sense and Sensibility", "Persuasion", "Emma", all delicious. Or adaptations like "Bride and Prejudice" (the Bollywood version), "Bridget Jones' Diary" and "Clueless" (based on "Emma", did you know that?). Or try "Becoming Jane" for Austen's own romantic trials. And don't forget "The Jane Austen Book Club"!
"Love Actually" - Great Christmas film, great romantic film.
"While You Were Sleeping" - I have, quite honestly, seen this movie hundreds of times. I can watch it over and over and never get tired of it.
"Dirty Dancing" - Patrick Swayze, dancing, Jerry Orbach, dancing and a heroine that wasn't very pretty (sorry, Jennifer Grey) so those of us less that gifted genetically could actually see that happening to us. I wish someone would take me out of the corner.
"Pretty Woman" - Who would have thought that a movie about a prostitute and a hard nosed corporate raider would be romantic? Leave it to the brilliant Garry Marshall to make it so. I worship at the alter of this comedy legend.
"Return to Me" - I felt the love story, I didn't just watch it. Brilliant. Plus David Duchovny and a killer soundtrack. Kudos to Bonnie Hunt and Don Lake for making this one.
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - Pass the gyros and tzadziki, I'm going to that wedding. And John Corbett is so yummy, even though I can't figure out for the life of me why.
"Once" - A romantic movie it might not seem, but a romantic movie it is all the same. And a good one at that.
Best Stuff to Eat/Drink on Valentine's -
See's Chocolate - I'm a cream center kind of girl while everyone else is Nuts and Chews. Either way, you won't be unhappy.
Dreamstone Moscato Sparkling Wine - $7.99 at Fresh and Easy. Light, sweet and bubbly, what more could you ask for?
Freed's Bakery Eclairs - Thank goodness I live nowhere near a Freed's. Because just remembering eating the eclair made me gain two pounds.
Luv It's Frozen Custard - A Las Vegas institution for more than 35 years. It's so worth braving the bad neighborhood. The Desert Sundae (with hot fudge, homemade marshmallow and salted pecans) is the way to go. Do yourself a favor and order the junior size. You can't eat the large one, trust me, you can try but you'll regret it later.
Marie Callendar's Pie - It's no coincidence that Valentine's day falls in February and February is pie month at Marie Callendar's. Don't fight fate, just enjoy it.
Mirin Glazed Salmon - Recipe here.
Best Places to Spend Valentine's Day with your Sweetheart... For Free
Who needs crowded restaurants with overpriced 'special Valentine's menus'? Here are some picks that are romantic and free.
In Bed - Hey, it's free, it's good exercise and nothing says I love you like a little nookie. Sorry if I went PG-13 all of a sudden.
Watching the Fountains at Bellagio - Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing "Con Te Partiro", you can't get much more romantic than that. For those of you who don't live in Vegas, here's a video.
Swing Set at Park/Playground/Schoolyard - Remember that funny feeling in your stomach as you soared on the swings? It's a little like the feeling you get when you fall in love. Relive both feelings when you get your significant other to swing with you.
Okay, I just betrayed my wushy-gushy romantic side. Sure, I wish I had a 'romantic' valentine. But I am blessed with love. So while I will spend Valentine's Day with my family (eating the salmon and pie and watching one of the films on the list) I hope you have a wonderful day surrounded by the people and things you love.
Happy Valentine's Day, Loyal Readers. May your day be filled with more sentiment than a Hallmark card commercial, more love than the Democrats have for Obama and more joy than a bag full of peanut butter cups. XXOOGa
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Maybe Instead of Johnny Cash, He Should Have Sung Patsy Cline...Crazy
Sorry I haven't written much this week, I have been working my little fingers to the bone writing other projects. But I had to share this video with you. I don't know much about being a celebrity (yet) but I'm pretty sure this is what NOT to do when you are on The David Letterman Show. Please, Jaoquin, get some help. You don't want to pull a River.
Don't mess with Letterman, that's all I'm saying. Worldwide Pants can be your best friend (ask Bonnie Hunt) or your worst enemy (ask Farrah Fawcett.) Personally, I want to stay on Dave's good side.
Lot's of people think this was a hoax, a la Andy Kaufman. I hope for Joaquin's sake it was, but if it was, it so wasn't funny. And if I was one of the producers on the film he was promoting, I'd be pissed. Yuck it up on your own time, but don't disrespect the film you are in, that clearly Letterman thought was good. I think he was on something, but that's because I never thought he was that great an actor to begin with (don't shoot the messenger. It's just my opinion.)
Don't mess with Letterman, that's all I'm saying. Worldwide Pants can be your best friend (ask Bonnie Hunt) or your worst enemy (ask Farrah Fawcett.) Personally, I want to stay on Dave's good side.
Lot's of people think this was a hoax, a la Andy Kaufman. I hope for Joaquin's sake it was, but if it was, it so wasn't funny. And if I was one of the producers on the film he was promoting, I'd be pissed. Yuck it up on your own time, but don't disrespect the film you are in, that clearly Letterman thought was good. I think he was on something, but that's because I never thought he was that great an actor to begin with (don't shoot the messenger. It's just my opinion.)
Monday, February 09, 2009
Date With A Dummy
I wrote about how much I hate dating in a post last week and my friend Dyann said she actually liked dating because of the experiences she had. Good for her, but my experiences have been vastly different.
I have a sitcom that I wrote a few years back called "Glitter City" about a woman in Las Vegas and her life and workplace (it takes place backstage at a large production show, the kind with showgirls, etc. that are actually becoming extinct.) The pilot episode is titled "Date with a Dummy" because she goes out on a date with a guy she met on the Internet. He's a ventriloquist and she thinks she's dating him but she actually has a date with his dummy. Hilarity ensues. And the reason I wrote it is because it isn't far off from my actual Internet dating experiences. Let's hear some of the highlights, shall we?
The Druid High Priest - Yes, you read that correctly. A man who practiced a religion that had been dead for centuries which purportedly practiced ritual human sacrifice. Now I'm pretty tolerant of any one's beliefs and try not to judge (Pagans are people too) but this was just a little off the meter. Bzzzz, next contestant please.
The Cheapskate - While on a date at a very upscale shopping esplanade in Las Vegas, he asked me if I had ever tried a certain type of candy. When I said I hadn't, he took me to a candy shop. Where he asked the woman at the counter to give me a free sample. Bzzzz.
The Race Car Driver - After several really pleasant weeks getting to know each other, first via email, then via telephone, we made plans to meet. Upon first looking at me (in a way that I quite quickly and painfully understood to mean that the wonderful chemistry we had found earlier telephonically had evaporated at first sight) he said, "I thought you would have longer hair" to which I reminded him that I had told him repeatedly on the phone that my hair was short, plus he had seen a picture of me with short hair. He said, "I know, I just thought it would be long." After a half an hour of stilted and awkward conversation, in which he mentioned the hair thing several more times, we parted ways and never spoke again. Maybe I should have bought a wig. Bzzzz.
The Comedian - He described himself as being a cross between John Belushi and John Candy. If he was, it wasn't the best of either one. He was so unfunny, he heckled himself. One miserable drink and I faked an emergency phone call to leave. Bzzzz.
The Stalker - After one date, where he introduced me to his three cats and discussed his love of writing erotic fiction involving plus-sized women, he proceeded to call me, several times a day, every day, for months. I tried to tell him that I wasn't interested, that I was seeing someone else, anything to get him to stop, but he still called. Eventually the calls tapered off to once a month, 'just checking' to see if I was ready for a relationship with him yet. I wasn't. Finally I moved and got a new phone number. Bzzzz.
And lest you think these are just random Internet related experiences, let me relay these other dating disasters.
The Cowboy (aka Stalker 2) - We met at a karaoke bar one night when I went out with my friend Crazy Carrie (should have been my first warning, huh?) and while he seemed like a nice guy early on - he complimented my singing, which to anyone who has heard me sing knows to be just wrong, and bought me many drinks and coerced my phone number, then tried to coax me into leaving with him. Crazy Carrie got me home safely that night, but I endured increasingly tougher, meaner, more demanding phone calls. I even had my brother record my voice mail message to throw him off. Finally my brother had a "conversation" with him and the phone calls stopped. Good to have a brother who is a black belt. Bye bye Cowboy. Bzzzz.
The Mystery Date - Have you ever been on a date you didn't know was a date till you were halfway through? I have. I was asked by a co-worker to attend a birthday party for his sister. I don't date co-workers as a rule but since this was supposed to be a big get together (I thought) at a popular and crowded bar I went, figuring to have a drink and go home. When I arrived, I was shown to a private room in the back, where a private table of five couples and the Mystery man were already seated. Curious, but not suspicious, until he insisted on paying for my dinner (hmm, I thought, am I on a date?) then we went to a local comedy club where he again paid for me (hey, I think I'm on a date) then onto a popular nightclub (this sure feels like a date). Just as I was getting accustomed to being on the date (I would have preferred being asked instead of tricked but it was going alright so I went with it) we danced. Now I give props to any man who is willing to dance, and I love to dance, and the Mystery man was an, er, well, enthusiastic dancer. So, um, enthusiastic, that we were literally the center of attention. It was like dancing with an epileptic member of Riverdance. So after several songs worth of dancing (it felt like twenty but it was in reality more like four or five) he asked if I wanted to sit and have a drink. Yes, I did, I really, really did. So we headed back to our table only to find it occupied by two women. Now, while we had left our drinks and things and that should have 'reserved' our table, it was of course a busy club so I figured we would move to another table or stand at the bar. But my date suddenly turned into a raging maniac and began to loudly, with increasingly foul language and drawing even more attention than the spastic dancing, berate the women who had sat down at the table. it was not embarrassing, it was humiliating. Imagine dancing with Bruce Banner then suddenly he turns into the Incredible Hulk when your table is occupied. I was mortified. (Oh my heck, I'm on a date with a lunatic!) I asked to be taken back to my car soon after and endured an uncomfortable working relationship after that. (Hence, why I don't date co-workers.) Hopefully he has had anger management classes (my guess is that they were court mandated) and dancing lessons. Bzzzz.
Okay, now do you comprehend why I don't like dating? Yes, these were the worst of the bunch, but honestly, the best haven't been all that great. There was the boyfriend that slept with my best friend (both are ex now) and the guy I dated that came out of the closet soon after (since I believe that homosexuality is nature not nurture, I try not to take that one too personally.) So please forgive me for not enjoying the experience as much as Dyann. I still believe in love, I do, I wouldn't be a romance writer if I didn't. But all the frogs you have to go through to find your prince, well it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. Still, I hope that my Mr. Close Enough is out there, waiting for me, and hopefully not waiting for parole. A girl can dream.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Blah Blah Blog
Some days it's easy for me to come up with an idea for a post. Some days it's like pulling a rabbit out of my...well, you know where. Trying to decide what will be interesting to you, Loyal Readers, without being too "Dear Diary, I met the cutest boy today..." I get the most views when I post embarrassing stories or pictures of myself (dominatrix anyone?) or put celebrity names in my post labels. My life isn't really all that interesting yet tens of people read my blog every day. (And readership is actually growing, although the why still escapes me.) I'd love to hear from you as to the topics that you would like me to expound upon.
For today, in the interest of giving people what they seem to want, I'm going to tell you ten embarrassing things about myself and list ten celebrities.
1. I have never seen the movie "E.T." I don't want to see it. I'm sure it's wonderful but I couldn't be less interested. Sorry, Mr. Spielberg.
2. My nickname in high school was "Chez Moi." Because everyone was taking French (wasn't that smart of us?) and "Chez" is pronounced like my name. Only when they called me "Chez Moi" (which means "my house") they pronounced it 'shezzzz'. Fortunately, this nickname was given to me by Giovanna Sardelli and she graduated my sophomore year and everyone forgot it after that. And it wasn't as bad as this guy I knew, Brian Hess, whose nickname was "Squid".
3. I didn't learn to drive until after I graduated from high school. I might never have learned if my mother hadn't gotten tired of driving me to work and she sure as hell wasn't going to drive me to college every day. I was a really timid driver and would panic whenever I stalled the car and traffic would back up and people would start honking at me. (My mom once flipped a guy off when he did that. And she's not the flipping off kind of woman.) What's funny to me now is that I'm a really good (and fairly assertive) driver - all those years of driving in Los Angeles - while my mom, who taught me, is really timid and won't drive unfamiliar routes or make left hand turns.
4. The only macaroni and cheese I like comes out of a blue box. I know, I'm a gourmet cook, so I should like some fancy truffled mac or something. But only the blue box (made with extra powdered cheese) tastes like I think it should. But it must be eaten as soon as it's made. Let it sit and it's gross. Reheating does not work. And while I'm admitting to junk food likes, I should also disclose that I love Spaghetti-o's and Chef Boyardee Ravioli too.
5. My father once told me, when I was about fifteen years old, that I was the biggest disappointment in his life. He was referring to the fact that I was fat. It took me many years to finally realize that his problem with my weight was just that, HIS problem. And the worst part, for me, was that it wasn't the cruelest thing he ever said to me. I'm an adult now and I can forgive him. I loved my father, and in his mind he was trying to help me. But the scars remain.
6. I failed college algebra. Twice (well, it would have been twice but I wised up and dropped the class before I could fail again.) I had to give up and take something else. I can do math, honestly, I'm actually pretty good at normal math but algebra and my brain do not mix. And I'm actually okay with basic algebraic equations until it gets to the graphing part and signs and cosigns and then at that point all I hear is the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons "Wa Wa Wa Wa Wahhhh". My friend Traci (hi Traci!) is a math genius (and I mean genius in the literal sense) and I was always so jealous of her math ability. I still am.
7. I cut my toenails wrong. I cut them round instead of straight across. No one told me when I was a kid to cut straight across so I always just followed the curve of the nail. The problem is, that leads to ingrown toenails. A lot of ingrown toenails. So you have to keep cutting them round and very, very short. I hate getting pedicures because the pedicurist always yells at me. And I have to get a pedicure for the wedding. Ugh.
8. I was once a phone sex operator. For about a day. See, I have a really good voice on the phone. Random wrong numbers will actually hit on me over the phone ('cuz that's the kind of guy I'm looking for, one who can't even dial correctly.) And I needed a second job. So I applied for a 'phone actress' job in the paper when I was nineteen. I was hired immediately during my phone interview. Then the woman gave me 'training'. I slowly began freaking out. By the time she got to how to handle clients who were into bestiality, I was in full blown panic. I took one call, hung up on the man about half way through and never did it again (okay, maybe once or twice with a boyfriend who traveled a lot, but that was different.)
9. I have a tattoo. It's very small and well concealed. I'm not a 'tat' kind of girl. But they are permanent. That's all I'm saying.
10. I haven't had a date in over 15 months. You do the math.
Okay, end of embarrassing. On to celebrities. Here is the list of ten celebrities I would have sex with (my 'free' list, as it were.) Don't judge.
1. Ben Affleck
2. Dane Cook
3. Colin Firth
4. Owen Wilson
5. Robert Redford (I said don't judge!)
6. Tyler Florence
7. Gerard Butler
8. Christopher Meloni
9. Ryan Reynolds
10. A threesome with Will Farrell and Paul Rudd (I can feel you judging, but it's not like it could happen.)
For today, in the interest of giving people what they seem to want, I'm going to tell you ten embarrassing things about myself and list ten celebrities.
1. I have never seen the movie "E.T." I don't want to see it. I'm sure it's wonderful but I couldn't be less interested. Sorry, Mr. Spielberg.
2. My nickname in high school was "Chez Moi." Because everyone was taking French (wasn't that smart of us?) and "Chez" is pronounced like my name. Only when they called me "Chez Moi" (which means "my house") they pronounced it 'shezzzz'. Fortunately, this nickname was given to me by Giovanna Sardelli and she graduated my sophomore year and everyone forgot it after that. And it wasn't as bad as this guy I knew, Brian Hess, whose nickname was "Squid".
3. I didn't learn to drive until after I graduated from high school. I might never have learned if my mother hadn't gotten tired of driving me to work and she sure as hell wasn't going to drive me to college every day. I was a really timid driver and would panic whenever I stalled the car and traffic would back up and people would start honking at me. (My mom once flipped a guy off when he did that. And she's not the flipping off kind of woman.) What's funny to me now is that I'm a really good (and fairly assertive) driver - all those years of driving in Los Angeles - while my mom, who taught me, is really timid and won't drive unfamiliar routes or make left hand turns.
4. The only macaroni and cheese I like comes out of a blue box. I know, I'm a gourmet cook, so I should like some fancy truffled mac or something. But only the blue box (made with extra powdered cheese) tastes like I think it should. But it must be eaten as soon as it's made. Let it sit and it's gross. Reheating does not work. And while I'm admitting to junk food likes, I should also disclose that I love Spaghetti-o's and Chef Boyardee Ravioli too.
5. My father once told me, when I was about fifteen years old, that I was the biggest disappointment in his life. He was referring to the fact that I was fat. It took me many years to finally realize that his problem with my weight was just that, HIS problem. And the worst part, for me, was that it wasn't the cruelest thing he ever said to me. I'm an adult now and I can forgive him. I loved my father, and in his mind he was trying to help me. But the scars remain.
6. I failed college algebra. Twice (well, it would have been twice but I wised up and dropped the class before I could fail again.) I had to give up and take something else. I can do math, honestly, I'm actually pretty good at normal math but algebra and my brain do not mix. And I'm actually okay with basic algebraic equations until it gets to the graphing part and signs and cosigns and then at that point all I hear is the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons "Wa Wa Wa Wa Wahhhh". My friend Traci (hi Traci!) is a math genius (and I mean genius in the literal sense) and I was always so jealous of her math ability. I still am.
7. I cut my toenails wrong. I cut them round instead of straight across. No one told me when I was a kid to cut straight across so I always just followed the curve of the nail. The problem is, that leads to ingrown toenails. A lot of ingrown toenails. So you have to keep cutting them round and very, very short. I hate getting pedicures because the pedicurist always yells at me. And I have to get a pedicure for the wedding. Ugh.
8. I was once a phone sex operator. For about a day. See, I have a really good voice on the phone. Random wrong numbers will actually hit on me over the phone ('cuz that's the kind of guy I'm looking for, one who can't even dial correctly.) And I needed a second job. So I applied for a 'phone actress' job in the paper when I was nineteen. I was hired immediately during my phone interview. Then the woman gave me 'training'. I slowly began freaking out. By the time she got to how to handle clients who were into bestiality, I was in full blown panic. I took one call, hung up on the man about half way through and never did it again (okay, maybe once or twice with a boyfriend who traveled a lot, but that was different.)
9. I have a tattoo. It's very small and well concealed. I'm not a 'tat' kind of girl. But they are permanent. That's all I'm saying.
10. I haven't had a date in over 15 months. You do the math.
Okay, end of embarrassing. On to celebrities. Here is the list of ten celebrities I would have sex with (my 'free' list, as it were.) Don't judge.
1. Ben Affleck
2. Dane Cook
3. Colin Firth
4. Owen Wilson
5. Robert Redford (I said don't judge!)
6. Tyler Florence
7. Gerard Butler
8. Christopher Meloni
9. Ryan Reynolds
10. A threesome with Will Farrell and Paul Rudd (I can feel you judging, but it's not like it could happen.)
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Single Girl
Planning my brother's wedding has made me think about my single status. Not that I'm unhappy being single, quite the contrary. I enjoy my freedom and I have a lot of family responsibilities that take up my time. But every now and then, I wish for a date, just a nice evening with intelligent conversation or a nice relationship with a member of the opposite sex with some companionship and courtship.
Then I jump back into the dating pool and remember why the hell I got out in the first place.
First of all, it's hard to meet people. Las Vegas is full of night clubs and bars and hipster hang outs. But I don't drink, I'm not a hipster and I like to be in bed by 11. Pus, I'm not a twenty-five year old surgically enhanced anorexic with porn star potential which seems to be the type of girl most admired at these places. And Las Vegas has no last call, so I don't even have the desperation factor in my favor. I've tried all alternative meeting places that the magazines suggest, like the grocery store or the book store. I will admit that I do get hit on occasionally at the grocery store but it's always by someone really creepy who stalks me for like ten aisles. And they usually don't speak English. I never get approached at the book store, but it is quite possible that I get too involved in the books to even notice if I did. (And I spend way too much money at the bookstore to hang out there on a regular basis.)
So then I turn to the Internet. Now I don't knock the Internet as a place to meet people. My brother met his fiancee online. But I have about as much success as a Republican in Congress right now. I reactivated my profile on two sites recently and so far I've been propositioned (not in a good way) a half dozen times. if I ever decided to become a prostitute, I could easily start my client list on one of these two dating sites. I get more offers from guys from out of town that are just coming to town for the weekend and "can they take me to dinner and a show?" When I respond "Sure, but I'm not sleeping with you", I never hear from them again, isn't that strange? The other site purports to match you based on compatibility but based on my matches it seems like the compatibility is more like "hey, this guys seems desperate and so do you so here you go!"
I don't think I'm asking for too much when I say that whomever I date must be fairly intelligent. I'm not talking genius but I prefer someone who isn't monosyllabic. Hey, I think I'm pretty flexible when it comes to less important things like felony convictions but I need someone who can speak (and write) in full and complete sentences. The emails I get from these men make text messages seem like "War and Peace" in comparison. I tried to engage one man in an exchange of information and was rewarded with an email consisting of four words, all spelled incorrectly, in no particular semblance of order. I'm not sure if I was supposed to read it as much as decode it. I can live with bad spelling or punctuation (not a fan, but I can grit my teeth and bear it) but I can't handle complete illiteracy. I'm a writer for crying out loud, words (and their order) are important to me.
I did attend a convention of very high IQ people in the hopes of meeting someone with an intellect, wit and ability to converse but instead found a high percentage of sex crazed, well, perverts. (Apparently this is common as more than one person referred to it as "dirty old Mensan" syndrome and said many young women were scared off from ever attending again. I know how they felt, as I have never been back either.) Please do not hate me, Mensa members, for pointing this out, but you are the ones who had to institute a 'hug dot' policy. (Name badges were color coded as to whether or not you felt open to being randomly grabbed by strangers. Green is yes, red is no and yellow is ask first.) I don't think that smart people shouldn't be as twisted as the rest of the population, I just expected them to be a bit more discreet about it. Of course, if I should ever want to join into a spirited discussion of both Esperanto and S&M, I'll know where to go.
So I'm giving up again. I envy those of you that have found your husbands and boyfriends. I'd love to have one. But I can't take all the stuff you have to go through to get there!
Then I jump back into the dating pool and remember why the hell I got out in the first place.
First of all, it's hard to meet people. Las Vegas is full of night clubs and bars and hipster hang outs. But I don't drink, I'm not a hipster and I like to be in bed by 11. Pus, I'm not a twenty-five year old surgically enhanced anorexic with porn star potential which seems to be the type of girl most admired at these places. And Las Vegas has no last call, so I don't even have the desperation factor in my favor. I've tried all alternative meeting places that the magazines suggest, like the grocery store or the book store. I will admit that I do get hit on occasionally at the grocery store but it's always by someone really creepy who stalks me for like ten aisles. And they usually don't speak English. I never get approached at the book store, but it is quite possible that I get too involved in the books to even notice if I did. (And I spend way too much money at the bookstore to hang out there on a regular basis.)
So then I turn to the Internet. Now I don't knock the Internet as a place to meet people. My brother met his fiancee online. But I have about as much success as a Republican in Congress right now. I reactivated my profile on two sites recently and so far I've been propositioned (not in a good way) a half dozen times. if I ever decided to become a prostitute, I could easily start my client list on one of these two dating sites. I get more offers from guys from out of town that are just coming to town for the weekend and "can they take me to dinner and a show?" When I respond "Sure, but I'm not sleeping with you", I never hear from them again, isn't that strange? The other site purports to match you based on compatibility but based on my matches it seems like the compatibility is more like "hey, this guys seems desperate and so do you so here you go!"
I don't think I'm asking for too much when I say that whomever I date must be fairly intelligent. I'm not talking genius but I prefer someone who isn't monosyllabic. Hey, I think I'm pretty flexible when it comes to less important things like felony convictions but I need someone who can speak (and write) in full and complete sentences. The emails I get from these men make text messages seem like "War and Peace" in comparison. I tried to engage one man in an exchange of information and was rewarded with an email consisting of four words, all spelled incorrectly, in no particular semblance of order. I'm not sure if I was supposed to read it as much as decode it. I can live with bad spelling or punctuation (not a fan, but I can grit my teeth and bear it) but I can't handle complete illiteracy. I'm a writer for crying out loud, words (and their order) are important to me.
I did attend a convention of very high IQ people in the hopes of meeting someone with an intellect, wit and ability to converse but instead found a high percentage of sex crazed, well, perverts. (Apparently this is common as more than one person referred to it as "dirty old Mensan" syndrome and said many young women were scared off from ever attending again. I know how they felt, as I have never been back either.) Please do not hate me, Mensa members, for pointing this out, but you are the ones who had to institute a 'hug dot' policy. (Name badges were color coded as to whether or not you felt open to being randomly grabbed by strangers. Green is yes, red is no and yellow is ask first.) I don't think that smart people shouldn't be as twisted as the rest of the population, I just expected them to be a bit more discreet about it. Of course, if I should ever want to join into a spirited discussion of both Esperanto and S&M, I'll know where to go.
So I'm giving up again. I envy those of you that have found your husbands and boyfriends. I'd love to have one. But I can't take all the stuff you have to go through to get there!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Wedding Plans
The big day for my brother and Val is only three months away. We still aren't done with, well, anything, but I have been giving them three tasks to do each week. It's tough because Val is working really hard on finishing her Master's thesis and the wedding has taken a sort of back seat.
Will and Val are a quirky couple and their wedding is kind of quirky too (hence our flip flop footwear with formal gowns). They are getting married at the Clark County Heritage Museum (before the peanut gallery begins to argue that there is no history in Vegas, let me state that there is.) The museum has various exhibits on the history of Nevada, but the area where the wedding will be is called "Heritage Street". It is a small, tree lined street with different houses from the turn of the century to the mid-fifties that have been restored and furnished as a living history exhibit. At the end of the street is a gazebo, which is where the wedding will be. They don't usually have weddings there but Val and Will asked the board to let them and they agreed. They will make a donation to the museum and in exchange they can have the ceremony there. Our family has lived in Las Vegas for more than half of it's modern history so it means a lot to them to celebrate the side of Las Vegas that most people never see. The museum will put out benches for the guests and we aren't going to decorate much because it's such a unique place to begin with. We might just decorate the gazebo a bit.
The reception will be at the Boulder Dam Hotel in Boulder City. It's about twenty minutes away from the museum so guests will park at the hotel, then a shuttle to and from the museum will be provided. There is a DVD player in the shuttle so I'm making a video with some history (both Vegas and the happy couple's) for the ride. There will be time after the ceremony for guests to browse the exhibits and explore the museum while the bridal party takes pictures. Then it's back to the hotel.
The Boulder Dam Hotel is an historic place in its own right. It was built while the dam was being constructed. It has housed many famous guests, like Howard Hughes, Betty Davis, Henry Fonda and the future Pope Pius XII. The Cornelius Vanderbuilt Jr.'s honeymooned there (Will and Val are staying there on their wedding night too.) It's a pretty hotel with lots of history and Boulder City is this oasis of old-fashioned in a sea of constant change that is the Las Vegas valley. There is no gambling in Boulder City (one of only two cities in all of Nevada where it's illegal to gamble.) It's a truly charming small town.
The reception will be informal, just a light afternoon repast with a menu of appetizers, including sliders. Which is the inspiration for the first wedding favor, miniature bottles of Heinz ketchup personalized with the bride and groom's names and wedding date. The other wedding favor has a more Vegas-y theme. Music will just be on an iPod and of course the cakes will be my cupcakes, decorated with cherry blossoms. (The theme(s) for the wedding are cherry blossoms and Vegas history, I told you it was quirky.) And the reception will end early enough that family can go to dinner afterward or just go explore Boulder City. With only forty guests, it really should be a fun way to celebrate friends, family and love. Awww.
I am working on the invitations right now. They will be vellum over a photo collage of old Vegas.
Thanks, Maura, for asking about the wedding plans. Now if I can just get the bride and groom in gear. I keep telling them it has to get finished, but I'm not sure this is their first priority. I understand that they have really busy loves, but weddings take work. Oh well, this may be the only wedding I ever get to plan. (More on my sorry single state tomorrow.)
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
The Graminator's Eyes
Can't write too much today, I have to take The Graminator in for a quick eye procedure.
She had cataract surgery years ago and has developed a film that makes her vision cloudy. She will have a quick and painless laser eye procedure (called yag laser capsulotomy) that will make her vision better. Isn't aging fun?
The only thing that I'm concerned about is that you need to hold really still and she and I have both had a croupy cough this week. I'm going to give her some cough medicine so she doesn't have a coughing fit during the procedure.
It should be a pretty uneventful day, but I have to go to Old navy and see if they have their flip flops in stock or if I have to order them off the Internet. Did I mention that Val and I are wearing flip flops at the wedding? Yes, with my formal dress and her wedding gown we are wearing pink flip flops decorated with gerbera daisies. Are we too cool or what? That's the find of wedding this is going to be, fun and funky. We actually have accomplished one task. Only 587 more to go!
Have an awesome day, Loyal Readers!
She had cataract surgery years ago and has developed a film that makes her vision cloudy. She will have a quick and painless laser eye procedure (called yag laser capsulotomy) that will make her vision better. Isn't aging fun?
The only thing that I'm concerned about is that you need to hold really still and she and I have both had a croupy cough this week. I'm going to give her some cough medicine so she doesn't have a coughing fit during the procedure.
It should be a pretty uneventful day, but I have to go to Old navy and see if they have their flip flops in stock or if I have to order them off the Internet. Did I mention that Val and I are wearing flip flops at the wedding? Yes, with my formal dress and her wedding gown we are wearing pink flip flops decorated with gerbera daisies. Are we too cool or what? That's the find of wedding this is going to be, fun and funky. We actually have accomplished one task. Only 587 more to go!
Have an awesome day, Loyal Readers!
Monday, February 02, 2009
My Latest Masterpiece
Cezanne worked with watercolors. Van Gogh worked with oils. Rodin worked with marble and clay. My preferred medium is... frosting.
These are the cupcakes for The Graminator's birthday (she had a lovely time and thanks to all who wished her well!) I wish I could take credit for the genesis of the idea but actually my brother suggested it. He said, "Wouldn't a 'Take 5' cupcake be good?" And I thought, "Yes, yes it would."
For those who don't know (and how could you not?) a "Take 5" is a candy bar with a pretzel topped with caramel, peanut butter, peanuts and covered with chocolate. So here is my first attempt at the deconstructed "Take 5". It's a chocolate cupcake filled with caramel ganache, topped with peanut butter frosting, chocolate ganache and a pretzel. There is also pretzel in the cupcake and I tried this several ways but no matter how I put it in the cupcake, it got soggy. Also, the caramel ganache (which took me 5 batches of caramel to get right) got lost in flavor to the delicious (but very peanut buttery) peanut butter frosting. So while these rated a 4 out of 5 on the nummy scale, they still could be better. For the next attempt, the chocolate cupcake will contain little caramel bits and be filled with a peanut butter filling, topped with chocolate frosting and crushed pretzels. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is the perfect cupcake. But no one seems to mind my experimentation.
The final flavors for the wedding cupcakes has been decided. They are: chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, tiramisu cupcakes (coffee cupcakes with tiramisu filling and cocoa frosting), cherry cheesecake cupcakes (tart cherry cupcakes with a cinnamon graham bottom with cheesecake frosting), and coconut. All four will get one last test run to make sure they are perfect for the wedding. I will be making two dozen of each flavor so that each wedding guest can have two cupcakes of their choice. Each cupcake will be topped with a cherry blossom of sugar paste. They still haven't chosen the flavor for their wedding cake which will just be a small cake on the top of the display.
And speaking of masterpieces, I'm almost done with the 2 projects I'm working on. I don't want to jinx it but I should be done with them by the end of the month. And tonight is the first read through of the major motion picture I'm starring in. (I just love saying that even though it's probably not as lofty as it sounds.) And of course, for the read through I'm bringing....cupcakes! (See, I could tie this all together.) Have a great day Loyal Readers!
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