Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW INFORMATION ABOUT THIS FILM AND ITS KEY THEMES, ELEMENTS AND SCENES.

Okay, the only venture out I had over the past ten days during my illness was with my family to go see the latest Indiana Jones movie. I haven't been to the movies in forever so I jumped (okay, I was sick so I just walked slowly) at the chance to go see this film.

First let me say that if you can suspend all belief in logic, this is a fun film,
a great Saturday afternoon popcorn fest. That is what the original Indiana Jones was supposed to be. There is no way to hear the theme music without feeling a little rush of excitement. And I can forgive it a little hokiness because of it's past. I think it's best to go to see it with your tongue firmly in cheek. Just go enjoy the ride and don't think about it...because once you start thinking about it the entire movie falls apart.

The movie starts out with Indiana being kidnapped by the bad guys (the KGB this time instead of the Nazis, it's 1957, the heart of the Cold War) headed by Cate Blanchett, who does a Russian accent to do Boris and Natasha proud. She's hunting Area 51 for a little package from Roswell, New Mexico. (Ironic in a way since they filmed the Nevada scenes in New Mexico) Indy escapes her evil clutches (she does escape with the little green man) in some great action sequences only to find himself in the middle of a nuclear test. Fortunately he hides in a lead lined refrigerator and escapes the blast (hey, I told you that you have to suspend all belief). Then follows a completely stupid and superfluous scene I wanted to shoot the writers for. It's a scene where the J. Edgar Hoover FBI interrogates Indy for possible Commie ties and some General defends Indy's honor. We learn that since we last saw our intrepid hero he worked for the OSS during the war, distinguished himself as a hero and hates the Red Menace with a passion. Duh, like we thought Indy was a Communist sympathiser. This little scene totally was unnecessary and pointless. It was suggested to me that this scene was necessary for exposition. Rubbish. The exposition could have been handled smoother and less out of context in other scenes. This one was pure BS.



We meet Mutt (Shia LaBeouf) when he comes to ask Indy for help to rescue his mom. He arrives looking just like Marlon Brando in The Wild Ones, hat and all. (I couldn't find a picture of him with the hat but I swear I laughed out loud when he first arrived on screen. It was really funny). Of course Indy will help this young man. (SPOILER: Even Helen Keller could have figured out Mutt's parentage. Why must the writers assume we are stupid...and worse, why do they assume Indy is so stupid?) So off they go to save Marion, Professor Oxley and find the crystal skull.

After a trip to South America, Mutt and Indy meet up with their friends (and those evil Commies) there is the requisite amount of chase, fight, chase, fight, chase scenes along with our heroes in peril - Indy and Marion in quicksand, a horrifying scene with huge ants that makes you want to buy an industrial can of Raid and a completely unbelievable boat ride over not one, not two but three giant waterfalls. I dare you not to laugh out loud when Mutt swings through the jungle from vine to vine like Tarzan, joining the monkeys as they swing by. Apparently even monkeys hate the Communists since they only attack the bad guys.

SPOILER: Finally our intrepid band arrives at the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which is alien in origin and devolves the story into 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'. I wish they ad gone a different way, but I guess when you have ILM at your disposal you need lots of special effects. Bad guys die, the greedy get their just rewards (i.e. none), Oxley comes out of his alien induced stupor and Indy mumbles the lamest line ever, "Their treasure wasn't gold, it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure." Really? Seriously? I want those writers brought up on charges.

The movie ends sweetly with Indy marrying Marion and Mutt ALMOST picking up the Indy mantle (hmm, obvious set up for future sequels maybe?)

Really, if you just shut your brain off, it's a fun ride, if a little long. I'm glad the brought back Karen Allen to pair off the older but no less distinguished Harrison Ford instead of some twenty five year old. I loved the call backs to the earlier films (damaged crate containing the Arc of the Covenant anyone?) I missed Denholm Elliott but there was a lovely tribute to him by Indy and a funny scene with the head of his statue. I still am not sure how Sean Connery wasn't in the film (didn't he drink from the Holy Grail? Isn't he immortal?) I wish they had Indy acknowledge his age a little bit more but he is still awesome and Harrison Ford made me believe it. I guess that what I wanted most was that if they wanted me to buy the whole premise they had given me the wink, wink, nudge, nudge, hey we know it's hokey, just go along for the ride. But they took parts so seriously that I wasn't sure if they wanted to to laugh or not.

Final recommendation? Go see it if you have a free afternoon to eat popcorn and veg out. Don't get wrapped up in wanting a story or logic. Enjoy the ride then immediately forget it so that you don't question it. And laugh at the funny parts, people! (intentional or not)