Wedding Bell Blues

Okay, so most of you know that my bother, Will is marrying Val next year. Almost exactly next year since the current plan is for them to get married in May 2009 (Memorial Day weekend). So that started me thinking about weddings, right? Plus I'm a romance novelist which naturally leads to thoughts of love and weddings. And I have been watching "A Wedding Story" on TLC in the mornings (it's on the HD channels from 8-9 and then I turn off the TV and start writing). So I have been listening to happy stories and seeing happy couples and witnessing weddings. And it's starting to get to me. Mostly because I am still pathetically single, despite my obvious charm, wit, intelligence and cooking ability (References available upon request.)

I love weddings (see here). They make me so happy. I was a bridal consultant for a while and I loved the planning and buying and prepping. There are so many kinds of weddings and ways to get married that it's like candy land for someone like me. Although, most people opt for the traditional. So I have been thinking that in the mythical realm where I could possibly get married, what would I want?

On "A Wedding Story" I have seen lots of different weddings but the whole princess thing seems to be really popular. It's not my style (plus big butts do not look great in tons of tulle). Although I do like the tiara idea. I would wear a tiara around my house if I though I could get away with it. Not because I want to be a princess but because I think it would be fun to live my life knowing that even if I'm wearing sweats and scrubbing the toilet I can still wear a crown. Plus tiara's are all sparkly and I like bright shiny objects. There are also a lot of medieval themed weddings. I think that's a lousy idea since women in medieval times were really just chattel. Plus making your future husband wear tights and tunic seems cruel (although if he's willing to put up with that you pretty much have him whipped on day one.) Also, those "thees and thous" sound incredibly pretentious in a wedding vow. Ditto for pirate weddings, although those are at least a bit more macho.

Destination weddings are cool but you have to have friends and family wiling to go wherever it is you want to get married and to be able to afford that financially. I would do a destination wedding and just tell all my family and guests to skip buying me any presents and just enjoy themselves. If you bought a plane ticket and hotel room to come see me get married, you have already given the greatest gift possible. One couple got married on a cruise ship and all their guests went along on the cruise. That's neat, but I bet it's pricey.

I also think about what kind of wedding dress I would have in my imaginary wedding. Something really simple. I looked online at wedding dresses yesterday (yes, I was screwing around instead of writing, we writers are great at procrastination!) and I determined that there is nothing out there for me. I would have to design my own dress. Big girls shouldn't wear huge dresses, it's just not flattering. I'm not knocking you if you want to look like a giant snowball cupcake on your wedding day, you go for it. I just wouldn't do it. Plus those dresses are really expensive. I don't want to pay more for a dress that I'll wear one time than I did for my first three cars combined. I admire people who can look at those price tags and say, hey, this is my wedding and this is what I want and I'll just buckle down and do it. As for me, I'd better hope that if my mythical husband comes along they start selling wedding dresses at Ross.

Mostly I would care about the cake (I've been watching "Ace of Cakes" too). I think taste is way more important than looks when it comes to cake. I hate fondant. I know, it looks all nice and smooth and everything but it tastes terrible and most of the times you have to rip it off the cake before you can serve it anyway. Yummy cake, that's all I care about. And no cake smashing in any one's face, its awful and disrespectful and a big waste of good cake.

Okay, so now that I am even more depressed about my unwed state than before, what's your dream wedding? (If it's a fondant-covered, pirate-themed, dress-as-big-as "Gone with the Wind" kind, my apologies if I offended you.) And if you already had your dream wedding send me pictures. I love to live vicariously. Now I gotta go, I think "Cash Cab" is on, er, I mean, I gotta go get some writing done.