Graminator Update

Okay, I promise that tomorrow I will post on something other that The Graminator, but here is a status update on her.

We finally got her transferred to a facility in Las Vegas. The drive to Henderson was awful and the facility there was sub par. Each room had a window air conditioner instead of central air and Gram's room was around 90 degrees most of the time. Some of the staff was really nice but most seemed just to do the barest minimum. And the food was pretty bad. So we worked and worked to get her transferred.

Finally she was set to go on Friday night to the Vegas Valley facility. Her transport was arranged, everything was all set to go. I left at six after being there with her all day and Will and Val stayed until almost seven (she was scheduled to be picked up at eight.) On Saturday I got up and went to the new facility and when I got there...she wasn't there.

I was furious. No one bothered to call us and let us know that she hadn't been transferred. Apparently they ordered some medical tests (no one can tell me what time these tests were ordered but they couldn't be doen before seven at night?) and they wouldn't transfer her while they were waiting for results. Now keep in mind that I was there all day and had spoken to the nurse practitioner at eleven a.m. and she never mentioned these tests. Augh!

Even if these tests were medically necessary and could not be done any other time or at any other facility, why didn't anyone bother to call us and tell us she wasn't being transferred? When I spoke to the weekend case manager he said he did call at eleven a.m. - great, dude, that was when I was at the VV facility frantically searching for my grandmother and it was only fifteen hours after she was scheduled to be transferred. Surely somewhere between eight p.m. on Friday and oh, say nine a.m. on Saturday someone could have wedged a phone call in!

So after a lengthy and somewhat heated discussion with the weekend case manager (who, in my opinion, treated us very badly and if I were a violent person I would have punched him in the nose, but Will and I were doing 'good cop, bad cop' and I was good cop) we got it all arranged again for her to be transferred on Saturday night. I stayed with her all day and Will and Val came after dinner and stayed with her through the transfer. Honestly, if they hadn't been there I'm not sure she would have been moved as scheduled (apparently some paperwork was missing even though we checked with the charge nurse three times to make sure everything was good to go). But Will handled everything and they got her settled in.

The new facility is nice, it has central air and her nurses and CNA's are really nice. We saw the PA on Sunday, her care is well coordinated and the food is better, she even gets choices. The downside is that all of this commotion has really affected her mentally. Her Alzheimer's is very manageable when she is at home in a routine. But when her routine is shaken up she gets very confused very easily and boy, has she been shaken up. She needs constant reminding that she is in the hospital and she isn't supposed to get out of bed. The hardest time for her is when she wakes up, like from a nap. She just can't tell dreams from reality upon first waking. She called me at eleven at night on Sunday. She was convinced that she was at the mechanics to pick up her car and they wouldn't let her pay for her car repairs and leave. It took me a while to calm her down and convince her she was at the hospital and that she needed to stay there. It took some doing though - at one point she was so mad at me for not understanding that she was at the mechanic's that she put the nurse on the phone to explain to me where she was...and she was sure not happy when the nurse agreed with me. Now she hasn't driven a car in more than five years and I'm not sure why she thought that the mechanic's place had beds and nurses (although after having seen my car repair bill at times, perhaps a bed and some medication wouldn't be a bad idea.) We have to constantly reassure her that she's in the hospital and she needs to stay in the hospital to get better. She wants to be home and I don't blame her. I know that the hospital is where she needs to be for her physical well being but mentally she'd do better at home. It's such a struggle. God Bless the staff who are looking out for her and the other patients.

Okay, I'll post something different tomorrow. But thanks to everyone for your thoughts an prayers, they mean the world to me!

Small World

Okay, so I went back again yesterday to make a pest of myself and try to get The Graminator moved closer to home. After a bit of run around (the lovely person I talked to the day before turns out not to be the person I need to help me, of course) I finally found my Gran's case manager (the person from her HMO). And it turns out we went to high school together. She had already faxed Gran's paperwork to the facility we want to go to and they are hoping to have a bed available today. I'm not jumping for joy until I see them loading her onto the medical transport but I am extremely hopeful. Keep your fingers crossed!

They already had Gran up yesterday for a few minutes and today they intend on getting her down to the physical therapy room. No rest around there. I would have thought with a broken bone the would have her in bed for longer but they really want to get her up, walking and out of there. Which is fine by me!

My mom is sick. She had a bit of a cold before all of this happened and all of the stress has weakened her immune system so she isn't feeling well at all. I was worried this would happen, I guess I'm glad that it's a cold and not something worse.

The title of this post is small world, partly because of the coincidence of my having been to high school with Gran's case manager (which goes to show you that as big as Las Vegas has gotten, it's still a small town in some ways.) But the other reason is because of a lovely lady named Maura. She has left me very supportive comments on my blog and I want to let her know how much they have helped. Maura and Dyann, two fellow writers, have been just wonderful about reading my blog and leaving me comments, which does such great things for me, I just can't say enough. (Check out Maura and Dyann's blogs too!) I have never met Maura in person, she lives back east, but we met through a writer's group and she has become a loyal reader and supportive friend very quickly. I really appreciate all of your comments Maura, they mean a lot. One of the problems I have is that my family is who I turn to in times of crisis and when that crisis is family related I have no one to turn to because I know they are going through stuff too. So it's nice to have someone that's in my corner, so to speak. You Rock!

Okay, it's time for me to get ready to trek to Henderson, I have to pack a bag. Hopefully when I get there someone will have good news about her transfer. Keep her in your thoughts loyal readers, they are far more appreciated than I can ever express!

Up and Down (Literally)

So we got The Graminator to Henderson (It's 50 miles from my house, round trip) and she was okay but she got confused when we were leaving (not unusual since it was a long day for her) but she was eating well and I'm still hoping we can get her transferred to the closer facility. Then early this morning she tried to get out of bed by herself and fell again. They said there was no further injury so I'm hoping that is the case. I think we all thought that the pain would keep her from trying something like that but apparently the pain medication is working a little too well. Honestly, I don't know what we are going to do. I'm so exhausted, mentally even more than physically. I'm worried about my grandma, my mom, getting grandma moved, working on fixing her room for when she gets home, figuring out how we are going to care for her. My mom is worrying me the most, she has a tendency to keep every feeling tucked deep inside her and I'm afraid that she'll end up ill as well. I can't tell what she's thinking except that I can read the stress coming off of her like a volcano that needs to blow but can't. I'm so afraid she'll implode from the pressure. I just want to sit down and cry but I can't, so I'll go into my feeling avoidance mode and eat my way through it (except there is no ice cream in the house and I'm afraid to leave in case the hospital calls again), Aughhhhhhhhh!
We are heading out there as soon as my mom gets off work (I'd go now but driving 100 miles a day is just too much for me right now and it's important to get my mom out there, no matter what she says). More updates tomorrow.

The Graminator

Okay, here's the latest update. Apparently there isn't a surgery for a broken pelvic bone. You can have hip surgery all day long, even replace your hip, but for a stable pelvic fracture it's just bed rest and pain mediation. She will have to go to a rehabilitation hospital for a while for rest and physical therapy. I guess no surgery is good in a way, she won't have to go through the trauma of anesthesia, etc. My grandmother has Alzheimer's and disturbances to her routine are very upsetting and really cause her to get disoriented. No need to add to the problem if it isn't necessary.

They were going to transfer her to the rehab facility last night but then she had some nausea and vomiting so her nurse called her doctor and they put the transfer on hold until they could make sure everything was okay. I think it was just because she hadn't eaten anything for more than 36 hours and then all she wanted was ice cream. With the morphine it was probably just to much for her stomach.

There are three possible facilities to transfer her to and the only thing we asked was just not to Henderson as my mother cannot drive out there to visit her. (My mother cannot drive on freeways or make left hand turns without a light and she gets stressed when driving 'out of her comfort zone and since she has a heart condition, we try not to make it any worse for her than we can) so they are sending her to...Henderson. Of course. Gotta love the HMO. The case worker told me I can request a transfer to one of the other facilities as soon as a bed there opens up. But since she had to stay at the hospital last night after all I'm going to try again today to see if they can't get her into a closer facility (and by closer I mean that none of these facilities is anywhere near our house but at least the one by Sunrise is in familiar territory for my mom.

I posted a picture of Grandma playing Wii. Isn't she cute?

Thanks for all of the best wishes for my Gran. Your thoughts ad prayers are greatly appreciated. At 87, everything is such a concern. As my dad's friend Gary said to me the other night, getting old isn't for wimps!

Grandma Fall Down, Go Boom

Sorry no post yesterday, I had the best intentions but Sunday night my grandmother fell going to bed. We took her to the urgent care who diagnosed her with a broken pelvis and sent her to the hospital. We left her there at 3:30 in the morning. I was back before 9am yesterday (after I took my mom to work - she couldn't get out of it - and grabbed a shower) but I missed the doctor by minutes. We waited all day and they took her for an MRI at 7pm and now we are headed to the hospital to lay in wait for the doctor (it's 6:30 in the morning so I have every hope that we catch that wascally wabbit.) I'll update you as soon as I know something, anything!

Lazy Writers

Gosh I wish I had written this...it's too funny! Enjoy watching this clip from "That Mitchell and Webb Look" while I have to go write my script the hard way!

Summer Soup

Yeah, I know, recipes should be over at Gourmand Girl but since I've been working on the cookbook I've let that blog slide temporarily. So y'all get a bonus, free recipes without having to change sites!

This is an awesome soup, very tasty. Most people think of soup as winter fare (the thought of soup when it's a hundred and twelve is kind of yucky) but this soup has very light and bright flavors, thanks to the lemon. Plus it's really fast to make so you aren't spending a long time over a hot pot. Try it, it's delicious. I made it with a Greek salad and some frozen spanikopita I bought at Trader Joes. It was a flavorful yet not too heavy meal.

Avgolemono (Greek Lemon-Egg Soup)

6 c. chicken broth (use a flavorful broth, I used a double strength chicken broth)
3/4 c. uncooked long grain rice
3 eggs
Juice of 1 lemon (or more, I used 2 small lemons and it was just right)

Bring broth to a boil and add rice. Reduce heat to medium low and simmer 20-25 minutes until rice is cooked. In a bowl, beat eggs and lemon juice. When rice is cooked, slowly add 1 c. of the hot broth to the egg mixture, stirring constantly. (This will temper the eggs so you don't scramble them.) Slowly add the egg mixture back into the broth, again stirring constantly. Heat through. Serve.

Yup, that's it, four ingredients and less than half an hour. I know this soup sounds weird but it's really good. You could add chopped chicken meat or herbs if you felt like dressing it up, but it's great just as is. Enjoy this simple summer soup.

Apologies and a Review

So sorry, loyal readers, that I have been incommunicado but I'm working on several projects with eminent deadlines so I've been writing frantically. The NV Film Commission Screenplay Competition has an August first deadline and I'm polishing the re-write on AJBB for that plus the Disney fellowship deadline is August eighth and I have decided to enter the television division contest this year. You need to write a spec episode of an existing television show so I'm writing an episode of "The Big Bang Theory". Writing a sitcom by yourself is difficult so I hope this one is good enough to catch someone's eye. Anyway, my posts may continue to be sparse for the next few weeks as I get these projects completed.

I did get a chance to get out of the house on Friday and go to the movies with my brother and Val. We saw "The Dark Knight", the latest installment in the Batman series from Christopher Nolan. Yes, our money, along with so many others, went to making this the biggest opening film of all time (so far) and I think it will continue to make money.

I heard a lot of reviews of this film before I saw it so I went in with really high expectations and it did not disappoint. I really like Christopher Nolan's work (loved "Momento") and I have thought Christian Bale was a talented guy (not to mention gorgeous) since he made "Newsies". There was even buzz that this film should get an Oscar nod for Best Picture, with comparisons to "The Departed". I'm not going to go that far because while it was a great ride with lots of excitement and great stunts and special effects, some of the roles were really underwritten.

If you didn't see the first installment in the series, you wouldn't know most of the back stories of the main characters. I think it was a bit of a disservice to newcomers to the series to not give them at least a little bit more of who and why they were. It assumed you knew it all already and while I'm sure many people had seen the first film, it wouldn't have hurt to give everyone a brief 'history' lesson to give the characters a bit more depth. Because of the lack of this history, it felt like the only characters you really got to know anything about and truly care about were The Joker and Harvey Dent. Not that these weren't great characters but their interplay with others would have been enhanced and more nuanced if we knew everyone's stories better as well.

The most underwritten role was that of Rachel Dawes, with Maggie Gyllenhaal taking over for Katie Holmes. If you had seen the first movie you would know the history between Bruce Wayne and Rachel. Instead we are given the love triangle of Bruce, Rachel and Harvey without any real deep emotion because we have no idea what went on before -unless you recently rented the first film. I honestly didn't care who Rachel ended up with because I couldn't really see why either man was so in love with her. I know why the producers didn't want Katie Holmes back, as she was woefully miscast in the first film, but I'm not sure that Maggie Gyllenhaal was a better choice. Don't get me wrong, I think she is an incredibly talented actress but this wasn't the part for her. The writing of the Rachel character was meager at best. Rachel is supposed to be a woman who believes in good triumphing over evil, about doing the right thing. She has become a DA to put the bad guys away, which should make her a bit harder as she faces the reality of fighting crime but she should also retain a bit of naivete which makes our hero's want to be her 'shining knight'. But Katie Holmes was impossible to believe as a law school graduate while Maggie Gyllenhaal was all harsh lines and edges and no wistful hope for a brighter future. Oh well, hopefully the third installment will bring us a well drawn female character.



Okay, the Heath Ledger issue. Everyone wants to see this part for Heath, as one of his last roles. Even lots of Oscar buzz. And he was phenomenal. Put that next to "Brokeback Mountain" and you wouldn't even know it was the same guy. Hands down he was a truly great actor. And he scared the hell out of me as The Joker. I'm afraid of clowns to begin with (I secretly think that all clowns are serial killers, a bunch of John Wayne Gacy's just waiting to put your body in a crawlspace) and Heath did nothing to calm my fears. The Joker was an unrepentant killer with no moral boundaries. Spooky, scary, very bad man. Probably the best 'comic book' villain portrayal ever, because he was so non-comic book. Heath was so brilliant that I almost cried towards the end of the film when he expounds on The Joker and Batman's symbiotic relationship. I will miss him and the fact that Batman won't ever face this particular foe ever again.



I do think that in the Heath madness, another actor's truly great performance got lost. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two Face was outstanding. His character has to under go a complete transformation from shining good guy to complete bad guy in the course of the film and he was terrific. Really, he is another chameleon actor who you wouldn't recognize from role to role if he wasn't so darned good looking (except in "Erin Brockovich", but then I don't go for the rough biker type). If you don't know who he is, rent "Thank You for Smoking" for a glimpse of his brilliance.

Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Caine gave sturdy and serviceable performances. Again, I think the lack of back story hindered their performances just a bit. The film's action sequences could have been edited down just a bit to allow for some story time dedicated our hero and his trusted sidekicks to give them just a bit more depth and shading. These men are genuinely talented actors who deserve to be given more material to work with.

Still, this was an edge-of-your-seat action film from start to finish. Grab a popcorn and a soda (but not too much soda since a two and a half hour running time is long and you don't want to miss the action running to the restroom) and sit back for summer's best ride. Go see it in a theater, because the action is big and needs a giant screen and the sound is amazing and you need to hear it as it was meant to be heard. (I loved the use of silence in the film as well, it was a great directorial choice that goes against the norm.) "The Dark Knight" puts the super in superhero.

Politically Correct or Abominably Stupid?

Barack Obama had a fundraiser in Chicago last Friday night. (Actually he had several, this one was at the Hyatt Regency). The opening act at this $2300 a person event was Bernie Mac, the comedian. Bernie did a ten minute set. Towards the end of a set he did a joke that went something like this. (Please note that I am paraphrasing as I was not actually at the event but I believe you will get the gist of the joke.)

-My little nephew came to me and he said, "Uncle, what's the difference between a hypothetical question and a realistic question?" "I said, 'I don't know, but,' I said, 'go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd make love to the mailman for $50,000." He came back and said, "She said she would make love to the mailman or anyone else for $50,000". Then I told him to go ask his sister if she'd make love to the mailman for $50,000. He came back and said, "She said she would make love to the mailman or anyone else for $50,000." So I told him, "Hypothetically we would have $100,000 but realistically we live with a couple of ho's."-

Ba da bum. (That's the blog equivalent of a drum rim shot) Apparently the audience got upset at this joke because it was "offensive to women". This was after Bernie's set included jokes about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity. Okay, so when I heard the joke, I didn't think it was offensive. So I told it to my mom and she laughed, a lot. (Maybe I just tell it better than Bernie?) So then she had me tell my bother and Val and my grandma. And they laughed, a lot. So apparently, the joke was funny to them and not offensive. To people ranging from their thirties to their eighties. Most of whom were women. Granted, we are a small sample, but a pretty good one in my opinion.

Then Barack came on to make his speech (it was his fundraiser after all) and then made this comment.

"We can't afford to be divided by race. We can't afford to be divided by region or by class, and we can't afford to be divided by gender, which, by the way, that means, Bernie, you've got to clean up your act next time," Obama said. "This is a family affair. By the way, I'm just messing with you, man."

An Obama spokesperson later said "Sen. Obama told Bernie Mac that he doesn't condone these statements and believes what was said was inappropriate."

Inappropriate? Has Senator Obama seen Bernie Mac before? His entire act could be deemed inappropriate, depending on who was in the audience. He's not Mr. Rogers and I find it hard to believe that no one who organized this event knew that Bernie was going to use crude language and crude humor. I also find it hard to believe that there were many children in the audience of a $2300 per person evening event. And crude humor will offend some people, no matter what. That's just how it is. So don't blame Bernie for doing what he does, that's why you hired him. Blame yourself for not booking a 'cleaner' comedian.

Look, I'm all for the Obama campaign showing us their values, heck, how else are we going to get to know the candidate? But part of that is showing is also using your judgement and acknowledging some personal responsibility. Don't hire Bernie Mac if you don't want Bernie Mac style humor. Pretty simple. There a plenty of other comics out there. But they wanted the appeal of Bernie Mac. (He has a huge following both as a comic and as an actor.) They hired Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac delivered. Then they ripped on Bernie Mac. Not cool, not cool at all. If it was truly a 'family affair', why book Bernie Mac?

He told a joke. Some people thought it was funny, other people didn't. Hey, that's comedy. But to hire that type of comic, then disavow his style of comedy just because it offends a few people? I guess that's politics.

Doggy Hotel

Apparently, when you are an unemployed writer with a dog, people think you have nothing to do but watch their dog too. So I am once again dog sitting. It's fine, really, I enjoy dogs and this one is a young terrier (she looks schnauzer-ish)who is a really sweet dog. But my dog is getting a little tired of being pimped out as a 'friend' to every dog in the world. Java is thirteen and kind of grumpy (okay, she's downright bitchy) and she doesn't want to play with some upstart young pup. So I probably won't get much work done today but I'm giving it my best effort.

Speaking of dogs, did you see "Greatest American Dog" last night? Some of those people love their dogs just a bit more than is necessary. I love my dog and think she's wonderful but I have never bought her shoes and I never will. (Although she has chewed enough of my shoes that I probably should have bought her some!) Look, these dogs are cute and they can do some fun tricks but ultimately, they are just dogs who want to play and have fun, not prance around in Prada's. But I loved the part where the little Boston stole the bulldog's skateboard. So something my dog would do. Ultimately this show is watchable for the dogs, but I hate most of the owners.

Okay, I'm going to try to get some work done while the dogs are quiet. Call me if you need doggy day care!

The Gospel of Mitchell and Webb

Okay, I have taken it upon myself to spread the word about a television show that totally cracks me up. It's on BBC America (which leads me to believe that in Europe it's on BBC) and it's called "That Mitchell and Webb Look" and stars David Mitchell and Robert Webb. It's a sketch comedy show that is really funny and inventive.

Most sketch comedy shows have about a 50/50 funny rate to me (that is, I find about fifty percent of the sketches funny and the rest only so so or worse). Some seasons of "Saturday Night Live" have been as low as 10/90. "Kids in the Hall" usually ran 70/30. "Little Britain" (also on BBC America and coming soon to HBO) was 80/20. But "That Mitchell and Webb Look" is consistently 90/10 or higher. Some of the sketches are so funny, I laugh out loud (this is a rare feat at home, where a chuckle is the norm).

My favorite sketches are "Numberwang", a convoluted game show that no one knows the rules to, even the host, and the contestants are always "Julie" and "Simon". I would make "That's Numberwang!" my catch phrase if it wasn't, you know, stealing.

I also LOVE the "Lazy Film Writers" (hmm, maybe because I am one?) where they basically write films they know nothing about. "We started writing and the Microsoft Assistant popped up and said 'It looks like you are writing a heartwarming, underdog British sports movie, would you like some help?' so we just typed in some character names and a title". It's so funny if you are at all a film fan. The trailers for the film cracked me up..."From the catering staff that brought you "The Full Monty" and starring a guy who was almost in "Brassed Off"... They also wrote a medical drama but didn't want to research medical jargon so in it the doctors just keep calling for "medicine, nurse, this patient needs medicine, right now!" It's pee your pants funny.

I love the sketches at the swap meet too, where the seller always has some thing that looks normal, but isn't (The wardrobe he's selling is the doorway to Narnia, the cup he has for sale is the Holy Grail.) I wanted to put one of those videos on this post but couldn't find one so I put this sketch on instead...here, the Nazi's figure out that they might be 'the baddies'. Hysterical.



There are other recurring skits, like "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar" and "Ted and Peter", the snooker commentators.

Okay, you definitely need to see this show. It airs Friday nights on BBC America. And if you don't have BBC America, call your local cable provider...then go to YouTube, because they have lots of Mitchell and Webb sketches there. Enjoy!

Living the Dream

Okay, maybe it's not the full dream (that involves a boatload of money and Ben Affleck) but I got a glimpse of my dream yesterday during the second read through of "The Vegas Show", a comedy pilot we are shooting in September. While the script writing is collaborative (as most TV shows are) this second script is mostly mine (just because it hadn't been run through the mill yet, so to speak) so it was awesome to hear the read through and the laughs (in the right places!) People liked the script and thought it flowed well and was nicely paced and didn't have a lot to add, which made me feel really good. Again, I can't take credit for the whole thing but a lot of it was 'my baby' so I was really pleased to hear it out loud.

We are working with some really talented actors on this project. Nathan Ferrier and Elly Brown came on board for this show and I can't say enough good things about them. It is so nice to work with actors who come prepared and ready to work. They are really awesome.


Elly is a dancer/singer/actress who can currently be seen in "Jubilee". She's gorgeous and talented and I would really hate her if she wasn't so gosh darned nice and terrific to be around. Seriously, she's a great talent and eager to learn film making (and she's a good sport too, she was right there in the blazing heat helping out on the "Brick Morgan" shoot.)


Nathan is a really talented actor. Honestly, he needs to be in LA. Casting directors take note. While Nathan is extremely good looking, he's not just a pretty boy. He is really dedicated to his craft, is always prepared, takes direction well and I think he has what it takes to be a leading man or a great character actor. And to top it off, he's a nice guy. (Back away slowly ladies, he has a girlfriend. I know, I know, all the good ones are taken.) It's so neat to work with him because he makes my material look good.

We also have the honor of working with Zach Freeman and Eddie Deirmenjian on this show. It's going to be really cool. I can't wait. Well, I can wait, but only because I don't want to shoot in 112 degree heat. But regardless of the temperature, this show is going to be HOT!

Are You Supposed To Be Tired After A Holiday Weekend?

Okay, it was a lovely holiday weekend but I think I'm more tired than I was before!

Friday was a lovely barbecue - I made slider sized hamburgers, potato salad, homemade baked beans, corn on the cob and a blueberry pie that stuck to the pan terribly (which is probably why the recipe said to use parchment paper but I didn't have any so I used foil but it definitely needed the parchment) but the pie, once scraped into a bowl with some vanilla ice cream was still delicious. We then played Wii. I rented some games and we loved "Carnival Games" which was all those midway game you see at fairs. It was fun. And we rented "Smarty Pants", which is a trivia game. My brother really like that one, probably because he beat me, two games to one. I'll be honest, I usually kick butt in trivia (hey, I was on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" after all) but he was on fire. After Will and Val left I went outside to watch the fireworks around the neighborhood. I was amazed at all the aerial fireworks. (are those legal? They never had those when I was a kid!) The fireworks scared my dog, Java. It was kind of funny, in the house she was all brave and barky but when we went outside she got all scared and wanted to be held.

Saturday I had a meeting at Smidgits where I got assigned by "Captain Kelly" to start handling promotions on a couple of Internet channels. We have a script read through tomorrow. There is a lot of work and I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Sunday Will and Val came over and we ordered pizza (N.Y. Pizza and Pasta, they are delicious!) and played more Wii. This time it was "Beach Sports". There are several games on it too and we played Bocce (Will won, but once again my mom picked it up so fast, she was like some Bocce queen) and Disc Golf (like Frisbee Golf). It was funny to be playing games that are played outdoors but indoors. It was better than playing in 108+ degree heat. (The heat just sucks the energy right out of me.)

Then I watched the movies "Semi-Pro" with Will Farrell and "Vantage Point" with Dennis Quaid. I really liked "Vantage Point", it was an interesting way to tell the story, even though I had some parts figured out ahead of time. It was definitely a thriller and it kept me thinking the whole time so I give it a "rent this" rating. I wasn't as impressed with "Semi-Pro" (gulp, now I bring down the wrath of the Farrell-ites). It seemed that the movie couldn't decided what it wanted to be, a raunchy comedy or an underdog sports movie. It ended up being neither very well. The whole story line with Woody Harrelson was completely lost (or so badly underwritten that it came across as really pointless). I think the writers tried to re-write "Major League" into a basketball movie then added the "Will Farrell" tone to it. Trust me when I say it, "Major League" did it much better. There was one funny line, when Will Farrell's character says "It's just like the Titanic, but it's full of bears." It's the only line that made me laugh.

So when I read back, it seems like all I did was have fun this weekend. But I'm tired. Who knew having all that fun could be more tiring than working?

Happy Independence Day!

For whatever Independence Day means to you, I hope yours is a safe and happy one. Bless the founding fathers (and the women who made their efforts possible) for giving us what I truly believe is the greatest country ever. And if you disagree with me, thank the founders that you live in a country where dissent is not just tolerated, but encouraged.

Happy 4th of July!

Strange Obsessions

Okay, so being a stay at home writer means finding lots of ways to occupy your time to keep from writing. (Not that I do that, no way, uh uh, nope, I am focused and always on the job...yeah, right)

Actually, since I quit my job I watch less television than I did before and while I do read more than before, some of that is 'research'. And while it seems like I write about playing Wii a lot (NOTE: I am hot on the trail of a Wii Fit and hope to own one later on today) I really only play on Sundays with my family. So most of my "spare" time is actually spent working on the cookbook, researching and developing recipes. But all work and no play makes Shae incredibly bored (even when the work is fun). So about a year ago I bought a Nintendo DS, mostly because the SIL-to be Val got one. It looked like fun and a lot of the games were for grownups, like Brain Age. So I would go through bouts of playing it obsessively, then not at all, then picking it back up again, etc. I do that with sudoku too. I hadn't been playing for a while, then Val loaned me her game "Professor Layton and the Curious Village."

It took me a couple of weeks, playing for an hour or so at a time (okay, the actual total was under 10 hours of playing, I know because the game keeps track) but I finally finished the game. It's a very creative game where you roam around the town of St. Mystere and play puzzles to find clues to the mystery. Most are logic puzzles, spatial reasoning exercises, etc. I love those sorts of things so it was right up my alley. I never would have bought the game because it looked like a kids game, but it was actually a lot of fun. It combines the puzzles with the mystery and cartoons in a Japanese anime style. (It's kind of strange to hear British accents in characters that totally have that Japanime look). There are 120 puzzles in the game with 15 more you can unlock by solving various mysteries (you find painting scraps you have to put together, you find gizmos you assemble, etc.). Then you can download more puzzles via the DS's wi-fi connection.

Look, I grew up in the era of Pong and the Commodore 64 so if you told me that at my age I'd be playing video games, I'd have thought you were crazy. But I'm glad that not only is the technology there but that there are games that I would want to play (since Halo is not my idea of fun). If you have a DS, I totally recommend "Professor Layton". If you don't, I recommend you get one, they really are a lot of fun.

Speaking of games, I was talking to my friend Nathan about our holiday Wii tournament and he told me about a Japanese Wii game that sounded to bizarre to be true. And it was. It's actually an April Fool' joke. But it's funny. Check out the video of Super Pii Pii Brothers. I'd almost want to buy this game if it were real...almost.

Definitely, Definitely

I don't want to give much away but I highly recommend the romantic comedy "Definitely, Maybe". It's a warm, touching, funny movie that manages to be smart (rare for romantic comedies) and not formulaic (extremely rare for romantic comedies). Written and directed by Adam Brooks, it manages to be romantic, realistic and political.

It's not often you find a romance set against the backdrop of hope and scandal of the Clinton years but it works as a metaphor for the life of the hero, Will Hayes, brilliantly played by Ryan Reynolds. I will admit to having liked Ryan from all the way back when he was on "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Parlor". He is the only reason to watch "Blade: Trinity". But a lot of the characters he plays are sort of snarky, smart-assed men who are quick with a comeback line. Not that he isn't great at that, just try not to laugh at "Waiting" and he even made "Van Wilder" watchable. But it wasn't until I saw him at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival in a movie called "The Nines" where I saw he had a great deal of depth as an actor as well. (Please rent "The Nines". It's a really interesting film that's funny, creepy, existential and entertaining. It also stars indie gal Hope Davis and the very nice Melissa McCarthy of "Gilmore Girls" and "Samantha Who"). It's great to see someone really using Ryan's talent. And nice to see he got over his breakup with Alanis Morrisette and is now engaged to Scarlett Johannsen. (Man, will they have beautiful babies or what?)

Abigail Breslin (from "Little Miss Sunshine") plays Will's daughter, Maya, and someone gave her the direction to not play it too cute (thank goodness) so she comes off as a really smart but vulnerable little girl. (As opposed to whomever directed her in "Kit Kittridge" because in the trailers for that she practically channels Shirley Temple on crack.) Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz and Isla Fisher (loved her as the crazy sister in "Wedding Crashers") are the women that Will meets, falls in love with, loses, and meets again and again.

I will admit, I love romantic comedies, even some of the bad ones ("27 Dresses" was so formulaic and got universally panned, yet I didn't think it was so awful, but then again I went in with really low expectations). But "Definitely, Maybe" is one I would watch over and over again. I even teared up at one point. It was a really nice story told really well. Definitely, definitely check it out.


This picture is of Ryan from when we met him at Sundance. I tried to snap a shot of him with my brother Will when they were talking but Ryan is really tall and Will isn't so I mostly just got Ryan's head. This is a slightly better picture of him.

What a Week

It's going to be a busy week. I started a new script and I'm also starting a new TV pilot script. (VERY different than my first TV pilot, the sitcom "Glitter City". This one is darker, edgier and sexier. Stay tuned.) We are prepping for the read through of the second episode of The Vegas show next week at the Smidgits studio and I am taking over the official blogging duties for the Smidgits.

I guess the biggest thing this week is the Fourth of July. We are planning a barbecue/movie/Wii tournament. We like lots of activity on the fourth. Mostly because the fifth is the anniversary of my dad's passing and we try to keep my mom from feeling too sad. It's nine years this year. It's strange because it feels like no time at all and yet feels like forever at the same time.

My father was a huge presence in this world. Love him or hate him (or both as I did throughout my teenage years) you couldn't deny his life force. He was truly the smartest man I have ever known and while I would never marry a man just like my dad, I could never marry any one less intelligent than he. He taught me to love to read. He gave me a love of all things technological. He gave me Star Wars and Indiana Jones and taught me how to take care of my car. And he was the world to my mother.

I thought my mother would disappear after my dad died. Literally. She's not a big woman to begin with but she got even smaller. She was eighty pounds and looked a lot like a concentration camp survivor. She cried more than I had seen her cry my whole life. But she got a little better, piece by piece. It was like watching a hollow cup fill back up, one drop at a time. He was her whole world, especially because Will and I were older. I tried my best to take care of her and of Will because I felt that I had to. (I was the oldest and I could hear my dad's voice, telling me to take care of them for him.) And after a while, it felt like the world would turn itself right again. Then my mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and the world spun out of control again. But instead of retreating, we met the challenge head on. Most amazing was my mother. That was the worst experience of my life (so I can only imagine what it was like for her) and she came through it stronger and more her own person than I could ever have imagined. I still remember the day we found out that she was in remission. After I dropped her off at home, I was driving and I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was crying and I felt my dad, telling me that it was all right and that he was proud of me. Now my mom is feisty and she stands up for what she wants more. (Don't get me wrong, she still can't make a left hand turn.) But we still miss my dad.

Maybe it's because I'm back home, living in the house I grew up in, but I miss him more now than before. Maybe it's because I don't have to take care of my family as much as I did before. I now appreciate immensely the job he did for our family. I know he would be so proud of my mom. He would be happy that my brother is getting married and I think he would like Val. He would LOVE the Wii and TiVo. He would HATE the price of gas and he'd be a terrible driver (he was so mad at stupid drivers nine years ago, imagine how road raged he'd be today!)

I hope your Fourth of July is wonderful. Ours will be full of laughter and family time. It won't be perfect because I know that at least for Will and Mom and me, we will be thinking of dad, just a little. But the burgers will be good and the Wii will get competitive and we will celebrate a different kind of independence.

Oh, and there will be sparklers. I'm going to take a picture of my grandma with one. She's going through her second childhood so I can't wait to see her face. Have a great Fourth!

The Cicada Song

THE CICADA SONG

At twilight tonight I heard the cicada's cry
Their first call of the season
It is not the seductive sound of a sultry summer night
But a blaring siren, warning of the sweltering heat to come
The sounds of summer are still, beneath the blazing daylight sun
But as dusk begins to settle
The desert dwellers begin their sunset symphony
The hue and cry of heat, and of harmony.

Writing Update

Okay, so it's been a while since I gave an update on the status of my writing. I had lunch with a former co-worker yesterday and that always brings up the subject of how my writing is going. (Plus it always brings up how much I miss the people I used to work with. I really, really miss those guys!)

First, let me say that writing a novel is much harder than it looks. You would think that as a successful screenwriter that it would be a snap for me to write a novel. At least that's what I thought. But it's far more difficult and time consuming. So I have switched off the novel, just for a bit, to write some screenplays, so that I can feel the satisfaction of writing "Fade Out" (the screenwriters equivalent of "The End".) I will still finish the novel, I just had to set it aside for a tiny little so I could let my frustration level come down a bit and find my muse again.

So I finished a script this week, tentatively titled "The Sunday Box", the story of a man with Alzheimer's. Most of you know that my grandmother has the disease so it was written from a very personal level. Just a story I wanted to tell.

I am currently working on a couple of comedies. And I came up with another romantic comedy idea and one for a sort of horror comedy. I plan on having two more scripts completed by the end of July.

I think one of the things that went wrong as I started the novel was working opposite of what I know is best for me. I always write my first draft in longhand. I am a terrible typist (no jokes from the peanut gallery, please) and I can hand write the ideas that come from my brain faster than I can type them. It's a really good system for me, since when I then type it into the computer, I'm really working on a sort of second draft. But I decided to do my novel directly into the computer. BIG mistake. I started to get so hung up on word count and page count and doing so many words a day that I lost focus on the most important thing, the story. I think I was so focused on getting it 'right' that I just wasn't getting it at all. So after ramming my head against the wall a hundred or so times, I finally thought, why am I messing with a system that I know works? (And yes, I really am that obtuse sometimes.) When I go back to the novel, I'll go back as me, just as I am, instead of what I think a 'writer' is supposed to be like. Important lesson. Sometimes you have to do it wrong to get it right. And there is a lot of good stuff that I have already written, so it wasn't a complete waste.

I am also spending time trying to market the scripts I currently have and trying to get representation. Marketing is my weakest point and now it's time to step up and do it. It's not a fear of rejection, goodness knows I'm used to that. I'm just not great at the schmooze. But I'll never get anywhere if I don't put it out there so I'm sending query letters, etc. If anyone knows anyone who knows somebody that is an agent, manager, etc., send their contact information my way.

The cookbook is also coming along really well. It's probably my most fun project, because it involves two of my favorite activities, cooking and eating. Thanks again to my family for their incredible support. If I can find a place to hold the event, I want to have a "tasting party" so that I can get some feedback on the recipes I have created. I also need volunteers to make some of the recipes and let me know how they are for others to prepare (easy, hard, needs clearer instruction, etc.). If you are interested in helping out, email me and I'll pass along recipes for you to try and rate. And I'll be planning the tasting part for when the weather cools off a bit (so October at the latest, ha ha).

Okay, so that's the latest update. All is well in writing land. Progress is slower than I would like but I was probably overly confident when I started (strange how life teaches you these lessons in humility, isn't it?) I hope all is well in your world and that you are healthy, happy and making your dreams come true. I love you all!

Reasons I Think 'The Partridge Family' Were Serial Killers

Okay, when I started this blog I was writing short comedy pieces (a la McSweeney's) and have sort of devolved into a diary of my life which, quite frankly, isn't that interesting. So to get back to writing, here is a comedy piece. Enjoy. (Or don't, who the hell am I to tell you what to do?)


REASONS I THINK THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY WERE SERIAL KILLERS

Where was Dad? Hmm? Dead, Gone? Nobody ever talked about him...

Danny Bonaduce

Did they really need a huge school bus for six people and a drum set? I don't think so. But to transport bodies, maybe....

The Manson Family. The Partridge Family.

They replaced Chris with a totally different kid! No one noticed that he went from a skinny dark haired kid to a chubby blond one? I think Tracy noticed but she was too afraid to say anything...

Danny Bonaduce

Have you ever listened to the lyrics of their songs?
"I can feel your heartbeat, but you didn't even say a word." - Okay, ewww
"I only want to make you happy, and if you say hey go away I will, but I think better still I better stay around" - Look, I know you think you love me but if I say go away, I mean GO AWAY. Can you say restraining order?
"We had a dream we'd go traveling together, spread a little lovin' then we'd keep moving on" - Keep moving on? Like ahead of the law?

They picked up hitchhikers. All the time. Sure, any normal single mother with small children would do that...

Reuben Kincaid, what kind of manager was he? One week they are playing Ceasars Palace, the next week a pizza joint on Highway 110. I think he was just there to keep the body count in check. Plus his hair screams sociopath.

Danny Bonaduce - I mean, c'mon, who wasn't creeped out by him?

Remember the TDK killer? Tracy, Danny, Keith? Coincidence? You decide...

Truly One of the Greats

I am so saddened by the death of George Carlin. He was, I believe, one of the most influential comics in history. He was both cerebral and crude, intellectual and every man. I was fortunate enough to see him live a few years ago, and he was brilliant. He was such a fixture in comedy that I just can't believe he's gone. My mother loved the "Hippy Dippy Weather Man" so I have included a tribute with that bit in it. Rest in peace, George. I know that somewhere in Heaven today, angels are laughing.

Busy Weekend

It's going to be a busy weekend. I have to go check on Val and Will's place, so their crack addict neighbors don't know they are away (hopefully the crack addicts don't read the fnnygrl blog) and then I have to go to buys some props for this weekend's shoot. We are (finally) shooting Brick Morgan, the spoof trailer we have been working on for a year. (Most Smidgits are only a few weeks from concept to completion but this one has been around a long time. I guess it needed to simmer a while.) Kelly told me yesterday at the meeting that I'm directing, which is fine. It's a lot of green screen stuff since we have a lot of special effects in this one but I directed some green screen work on the Jerseynaut so I think it will be okay.

We are shooting Saturday and Sunday all day (which means I'll miss the RWA chapter meeting gosh dang it). It's funny to me that we need two full days of shooting for a trailer when we can shoot a whole episode in a few hours usually. We shot two Chef Shelly's in a half day and The Sign in about three or four hours. But those were simple setups whereas this has a lot of action sequences. I guess it's understandable since a trailer is usually cut from hundreds of hours of footage and we don't have hundreds of hours. I admire Mark and Kelly for all the editing work they have to do after the 'easy' task of filming is done. Learning to edit is on my "to-do" list during the 'year of writing dangerously'. I guess I need to get on that too, huh?

I like filming because the more I do it, the better I get at it. And that's what learning is all about. But it's going to be two very long, hot days. Bless the actors especially John Baniqued. he has the patience of a saint and is always so willing to do just about anything we ask and risking life and limb on many a set. John, you ROCK! Brick Morgan is all about you my friend! Brick Morgan is back, Summer 2008!

Never Put Off Today What You Can Put Off Until Next Week

Okay, I am the queen of procrastination. I admit it. And probably because I am so good at it (I once took an independent study course in college and I had ALL semester to write the paper and I wrote it the night before it was due and had to have my friend Michelle help me type it at three in the morning because I would never have finished on time - and I got an A) I do it stil, even though I know better.

So I have a meeting today at the Smidgits office to go over the budget for the Vegas show (yes, I did finish the script on tim last week). And I told Kelly I would take a pass at writing a replacement sketch for one he wasn't too happy with. It's one he wrote but he wants something different so I said I'd try it. The meeting is at one, it's now eight-thirty and I haven't done a thing. Oh, I'll get it done. And it's just a short sketch and I know the bones of what I want to write. But have I done it? No. Why? Because I'm a lazy procrastinator, that's why.

One of the things I knew I'd have to do when I quit my job to write full time was really be disciplined and I haven't done that. I have used every excuse (some more legitimate than others) and I haven't done what I really needed to do which was really make sure I did what I needed to do and not get sidetracked. Well, blast it, I get side tracked all the time. So that's it, no more pussyfooting around, it's time to get uber-serious and get to work.

I have a new schedule and I'm going to stick to it. I need you, my loyal readers, to help me crack the whip. Keep me on task and make me accountable for my work. Please. I'm asking because if I don't I won't accomplish my goals and then I'll have done it all for nothing. Any help would be gratefully appreciated.

Okay, now I have to go write a Smidgit sketch so I can turn it in on time today. I'm turning over a new leaf. Today. Or maybe tomorrow. Monday at the latest. Yeah, Monday. Monday's good. Wait, am I doing something on Monday....

Dog Sitting

While Will and Val are off to Wisconsin to see Val's grandparents, we are dog sitting for their dog, Pax.

I normally have my dog, Java, following me around the house. My mom calls her my 'shadow'. But now I have Pax following me around as well. Two shadows. Pax and Java see each other every week when Will and Val come over on Sundays (we wanted to get them socialized before he came to stay.) She doesn't like him getting to much attention and now that his mommy and daddy are gone he is clinging to me and boy is it making my dog jealous. Plus they are eating each other's food.

It's going to be a long week!

My Mom and the Wii

My mom is so funny when it comes to the Wii. She's going to be an age that she'll kill me if I mention but her kids are in their mid-thirties so you can guess. I got our family a Wii for Christmas (stood in line, in the cold, etc.) We play it every Sunday when my brother and his fiancee come over. We usually go to lunch and then come home and play Wii and have whatever evil dessert I have invented that week. This week we went to breakfast and so we played on the Internet and talked and then played Wii. My brother wanted to play tennis so I played him and he kicked my butt (and I used to be able to beat him in straight sets so I guess I need to start practicing again). Then he played my mom.

Now every time my mom plays a new Wii game, she picks it up really fast. Like she usually beats ALL of us, swiftly and soundly. So fast in fact that she must be some kind of video game genius. So the same thing happened this week with tennis. Within seconds she and my brother were volleying for a long, long time. Finally my brother beat her but only because she hasn't yet figured out how to play both the front and back of the court characters yet. Once she does, look out. (The only thing she hasn't kicked butt in is Mario Cart. She can't keep her car on the track. So far, we can beat her in that one.)

I posted pictures of my mom and brother playing (shh, don't tell, they would both probably kill me), and that's Val (my future sister-in-law) on the chair watching them. My mom turns into Venus and Serena while she's playing, she gets into a stance and runs around like she's on an actual court. It's very entertaining.

This week my mom wondered aloud if anyplace rented Wii games so we could try some more out. I told her that they did, especially up at Hollywood Video and she wanted to go rent some. RIGHT NOW. Like she's 12 and couldn't wait. Her earnestness made Val and I crack up. She then volunteered her accumulated gift certificates from Best Buy so we could go buy some games. I'm telling you, she was like a little kid, who couldn't wait to get more, More, MORE.

Next we want the Wii Fit, which I would have already gotten but they are sold out everywhere. Can't Nintendo just put enough out so everybody can get one? XBox and Playstation seem to be able to do that. It's really annoying.

Will and Val are going on vacation this week but I promise, when they get home, I'll take my mom to the video store and get her some games.

Who Would Do Something Like That?

Or maybe the better question is why?

We were awoken Saturday morning a little before three a.m. to the sound of shattering glass. Well, I should say that my Mom and Grandma were awoken. My room is the converted garage on the other side of the house which is pretty well insulated so I didn't hear anything until my Mom came in my room to get the step stool. Someone had hurled two rocks through the brand new windows my mom just had replaced in April. After living with a broken window for longer than I can remember, my mom decided to have it replaced. No one knows how or when the window got broken but it had a huge crack in it since long before my dad died and that was almost nine years ago. But it had that window tint film on it so it never shattered so it just got left there. It was my parents bedroom and since my dad had worked the night shift a lot, the windows had thick pads between the window and the curtain to keep light out, and the window never got used as a window so I guess no one ever cared enough to replace it.

But my mom has been wanting to fix up her house (she put it on hold while she was battling cancer and confided to me that now that she has been in remission for nearly five years she guessed she wasn't going to die anytime soon so she's finally ready to work on the house) and the first thing she did was replace the broken window. But due to the tint on the non-broken window, she really had to replace both front windows. So she found a glazier and had the windows replaced. (She has since painted the house and put rock in the front yard. See here for the before and after)

I joked that the neighbors were going to think that we were being uppity for fixing up the house. We live in an older neighborhood (our house has been in our family for generations, bought by my grandparents when it was new over forty-five years ago. That may not seem all that old, but trust me, in Las Vegas it's ancient) I said we should leave the broken window so people don't think we have very much (and since we don't, we'd be right). But I didn't honestly think someone would smash the new windows.

Seriously, who does something like that? First of all, one of the rocks they threw was big and heavy and could have killed my grandmother if it had hit her. Fortunately it didn't but they don't know who or what is behind that curtain. Glass went everywhere, on the floor, on her bed, in her shoes. Thank goodness my mom got in to her room in time to keep my grandma from getting out of bed and cutting herself. It took forever to get most of the glass up. We will be finding tiny shards for months, I'm sure. Secondly, why would you pick my mom's house? She has never done anything to anyone. Ever. She's such a good person who has had to deal with a whole lot of awful in her life. It takes a really ugly person to pick on the 4'9" older cancer surviving widow, let me tell you. If I ever found out who did it, I don't think I can be held accountable for my actions.

Look, we'll fix the windows. But you can't fix my mom's fear that it will happen again. You can't fix her disappointment that her lovely house is forever marred by this incident. You can't fix her distrust of the neighborhood she has lived in for more than thirty years. My mother, the saint, feel that there will be a karmic punishment for whoever did this. I, on the other had, would welcome a public stoning. (That's why she's a saint and I am forever trying to be more like her.) I'm glad she isn't more angry. But I wish I could do something to make her less afraid.

Happy Friday the Thirteenth

Yes, it's Friday the 13th, are you scared?

No, I'm not. I don't mind 'Friday the Thirteenth' any more than I mind 'Monday the Sixteenth' or 'Thursday the Twenty-third'. But then I don't suffer from triskaidekaphopia (fear of the number thirteen), It's kind of funny when you think about it. Asian cultures aren't afraid of it, Greeks think it's 'TUESDAY the thirteenth' that's bad and Italians think it's 'Friday the Seventeenth.' I loved the movie "Saturday the Fourteenth" when I was a kid. (It's a totally campy monster romp starring Paula Prentiss and Richard Benjamin.)

I don't think Margaret Thatcher, Steve Buscemi or the Olsen twins think that Friday the Thirteenth is a bad day, since they were all born on a Friday the Thirteenth. (Okay, the Olsen twins may be evil spawn, so let's pick Julia Louis-Dreyfus instead, she was born on F13th too.) Some people say that F13th is a bad day because Jesus was crucified on a Friday, but I argue that since Christians call that day "Good Friday" you can't be scared of it. (I've also always contended that it was wrongly named, but that is beside the point.)

Look, I'll admit to a few superstitions. I throw salt if I spill it. I occasionally knock on wood. I won't walk under a ladder unless it's a pain to go around it then my lazy ass will just deal with the bad luck. It's not that I have no fear, it's just that I have things that are real and tangible that I fear way more than a date on a calendar.

I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of dentists. I'm afraid of growing old alone and no one finding my body for a really long time after I die. I'm afraid of outliving my family. I'm afraid of making a really horrible movie that becomes a cult classic because it's so bad. I'm afraid of parties where I don't know anybody.

But do you know what? I go the the dentist (albeit with some help from prescription Xanax). I make movies (good and bad) because it's what I love to do. I try to keep my family safe and healthy so they can be around as long as possible. And I go to parties where I don't know anybody because you never know who you might meet (and the food might be good.) Mark Twain once said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

Fear is good, fear is what keeps us on our toes, what keeps us from deep danger. As long as you don't let fear keep you from doing what you need to do to make yourself happy. So I'll drive to the store today and I won't freak out if a black cat crosses my path. And I'll pick up my pen and keep writing, because the adventure I'm on right now is the scariest thing I've ever done. But it's okay, I have my fingers crossed and a four leaf clover just in case.

Deadlines!!!

Okay, I can't post long today (or watch Hulu either!) because I have to finish the second episode of the new Vegas series that Smidgits is working on. We are shooting the pilot episode soon and we are trying to figure out if we have enough money in the budget to shoot two. (Saving some money on actors and locations if possible by doubling up). And since the budget meeting is Saturday I have to get the script to Kelly by tomorrow and of course it's not finished because I procrastinate. So I gotta get my butt in gear. Longer post tomorrow, thanks for bearing with me loyal readers!

My Dream Job

If you get a chance, check out Christopher Lawrence's column on Mondays in the Las Vegas Review-Journal. It's a TV lovers dream. He's a television critic. Yes, he gets to watch television FOR A LIVING. (I'm so jealous!)

I've been reading his column for a while now, it's funny and smart and has lots of great info. This week his column was about watching TV on the internet. He recommended some sites like Hulu, Fancast, and Veoh to watch current and classic television shows (they have some full length movies as well.) I knew about Veoh because they have feature some of our Smidgits videos but they have changed formats recently to focus more on the "big guns". I checked out Hulu on Mr. Lawrences recommendation and I love it. Except I really should be writing, not watching even more television.

I sent Mr. Lawrence an email thanking him for his great column and he wrote back suggesting I catch "Kitchen Confidential" on Hulu. I did. It's a great show, really funny. Catch the first episode and you'll never look at a French chef the same way again. Check it out.

I Seriously Need to Learn to Scam

Okay, so I was on Facebook (yes, I'm a sheep, but I blame my friends. I'm on MySpace to promote the film but I blame Tina for Facebook) and I saw an ad that read:

"Just Break Up? How you can get instant relief from the pain of break up. How you can win them back, even if they are with someone else right now. What you should do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages."

and then you give them your name and email address and they will tell you how much these amazing secrets will cost you. ($39.00 plus shipping and handling). No, I didn't give them my name and address, I Googled around because I was intrigued not by his methods, but by the sheer fact that this even exists. It's by some guy named T.W. Jackson who admits that he has no training (or education) in any form of psychology or therapy, but through his own experience he has the 'secrets' to winning back your ex, attracting women, stopping divorce, etc. He's even got this hysterical testimonial video where he just shows screen shots of emails that say things like "I Got Him Back!". He also has posts on fake blogs touting his effectiveness written by 'strangers' who apparently write anonymous blogs.

I admit it, he's brilliant. Oh, not as a relationship expert, but as a scam artist. Wow. Lonely, desperate people paying forty bucks for bogus advice.

Want some advice, for free?
For instant relief for the pain of a break up, drink until you pass out.
How can you win them back, even if they are with someone else right now? You can't. They've moved on, get over it.
What should you do when they won't return your calls, emails, IM's or text messages? STOP CALLING!

But his advertisement did start me thinking, I need a scam. I have no experience, qualifications or training, so I could 'help' people too!

I'm not sure what my scam will be. I was thinking I could contact the Nigerian scam people and offer to edit and proofread their scam emails. They always use such bad grammar that you can totally tell it's not real - okay, most people can tell, but obviously there are a few people too ignorant or greedy to see through their cunning ruse. I know that if I had to get millions of dollars out of the bank that my dead husband had left, but I needed a few measly thousand to pay the fees or whatever, I would send emails to random strangers asking them for help and promising them a great share of the profits. And I'd write it so badly with poor broken English, even though I am a doctor or the wife of a diplomat, because I'm obviously too distraught to spell check.

Maybe I'll be a self-help guru.

I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO WORK FROM HOME! FOR ONLY $19.95, I'LL GIVE YOU THE SECRET OF HOW TO WORK FROM HOME AND MAKE MONEY!
(Hint: You quit your job and you sell scams for $19.95)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, ACT NOW AND I'LL INCLUDE MY GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS METHOD!
(Eat less, exercise more.)

Obviously, to paraphrase P.T. Barnum, there is a sucker born every minute, and you can reach them all through the Internet.

Garden Update

It's been a while since I updated y'all on the status of my garden. You can see from the picture progression that it is growing well. I can't cut the mint back fast enough, it just keeps growing and spreading and sending out new shoots. Makes great mojitos! I'm going to do a rack of lamb with mint sauce this week. We are eating two or three tomatoes a day from the garden. My new favorite is a BLT salad with lettuce, tons of tomatoes, bacon and home made fresh ciabatta croutons. Gosh is it yummy. I oven tried some tomatoes the other day for a pizza and the only word I can use to describe them was perfumey. Thew were magnificent, and when they were roasted they were so intense it was like a rich tomato paste. With fresh basil and a little mozzarella...heaven! The chives are also awesome. It's so cool to just go out and cut what herbs I need. We have decided to double the garden next year to give it more room. It is really a boon to my cookbook to have the herb garden so handy.

I also haven't updated Gourmand Girl in a while so check it out, there are new postings today.

Started Me Thinking

Okay, the "Last Comic Standing" thing got me to thinking that I really miss my comedy friends. So I wrote to my favorite producer, the lovely Joe Jarret to say hi and catch up. His daughter is graduating high school next week. I can't believe it. When I first met her she was a lovely pre-teen girl holding a tiny puppy. Her parents wouldn't let her watch the comics (due to material) but they always let her come down and see me before the show. Now she's a beautiful seventeen year old. Her parents did an awesome job raising her and congrats to Alyce on her graduation.

So Joe invited me to come perform at Funniez again and do some comedy and catch up. I told him I'd love to so he's going to call me when he has some dates available. Then he asked for a new headshot for the publicity materials. Gulp. I hate headshots and the only person who takes a great picture of me is the fabulous photographer Grace, who unfortunately lives in California now. So I took the picture below to have something to send to Joe until I can have Grace take a new set. Is it too cheesy? My family doesn't think so for a comedy headshot (but I'd never put it on the back of my book!)

I was thinking that when I perform at Funniez I would tape the sets and edit them and maybe start booking myself again. I'm working from home so I could go out on the road. (I have a laptop so I could write from wherever.) Just a thought. We'll see what happens.

And yes, I said I took the picture myself. I took it with Photo Booth on my Mac, published it to iPhoto and voila. It's amazing! I wasn't wearing any makeup (thank goodness for black and white photography) and I just took it to see what I could do but it didn't turn out half bad considering it was lit with my desk lamp. Computers are so amazing!

Last Comic Standing

People have asked me for years why I don't try out for "Last Comic Standing". I hated the show in the early years because the comics had to live together in the same house while they competed in weird 'challenges' and then had the 'head to head' showdown between only two comics per week. It was awful and I stopped watching. I would never be a part of something like that. Now the format has apparently changed (or so it seems from the show I saw last night) and hopefully that means no more living together like one big, funny dysfunctional family.

I'll tell you a secret...shh, don't tell anyone I told you this...but a lot of comics are not nice people. Many comics, especially those that are just trying to break into the business, are mean, evil people who wouldn't help their own mothers unless it furthered their career in some way. Now not everyone is that way. I know some wonderful, supportive, helpful comics who aren't motivated by jealousy and fear. My comedy 'fairy godmother', Joni Grassey, is a lovely and incredibly funny and talented woman who has helped my career more than I can ever thank her for. If she couldn't do a gig, she recommended me for the job. She introduced me to producers who booked me in shows. She helped me when we performed in 'Funniest Females' for nine months and let me tell you, those six nights a week, two shows a night meant more to my career than anything. And when I needed help with my film, she was right there for me, helping me with the fundraising and taking on one of the parts. She is awesome, and an example of how to be, so I've always tried to emulate her. There are some other terrific comedians who always were supportive and nice, like Bob Saget and Lenny Clark and Richard Jeni and Rob Sherwood and many more I could name. But here were even more than were mean or rude or spiteful or crazy. (Remind me to tell you my Margaret Cho story sometime.)

I never realized what awful human beings some comics really were until I started making films. I met a lot of really great, supportive, friendly and helpful people before, during and after production on Supermodels. It was so refreshing to see a group of people working towards the same goal who actually supported one another. Maybe it's because film making is a group effort while comedy is a solo enterprise.

Anyway, that's one of the reasons I never tried out for the show. The idea of living with other comics (especially ones who wanted to see you lose so they could succeed) was akin to voluntarily going to prison. Uck. But the biggest reason is that comedy is subjective. It's hard to compare comedians. What I like, you may hate. Like I dislike prop acts but Carrot Top is one of the most successful comics in the business. I love Lenny Clark (if you don't know who that is, see the film "When Standup Stood Out", about the Boston comics, and you will get a peek at the beginnings of this genius comic. I mean it, he's brilliant. And I still have all of the episodes of his TV show "Lenny" on tape. Lenny teased me that even HE doesn't have all of the episodes of Lenny!) But most people don't even know who he is. The reason most comedy shows have multiple performers is for that reason, because not everybody thinks the same thing is funny. Some people like dark humor, others like it raunchy, others like topical humor. So how do you say someone is a winner and someone is a loser?

'Last Comic Standing' has never had a female winner. Comedy is still a man's game. That's just the way it is. Look at the lineup at any comedy club and you will see a majority of males. It's generally considered that women and men will laugh at a male comic but it's hard to get guys to laugh at a female comic. I know it's not true, there are a lot of guys who can appreciate females doing comedy but tell that to the bookers of some clubs. Thank goodness for some of the great producers I have worked with who like women comics.

So that's why I've never tried out for the show. Look, I'd love national TV exposure. I've won comedy competitions before. Am I funnier than some of the comics on the show? Well, I'd like to think so. Watching some of the acts last night was painful (and my family laughs at me when I finish the joke before the comic on TV does.) But I miss comedy, I really do. I love writing and making films. But there is something about standing on a stage, microphone in hand, telling jokes and hearing the audience laugh...well, it's a feeling that is hard to describe. It's an amazing ego boost (unless you bomb, then it's a gut wrenching experience) and for me, it's a giving feeling. To know, that even if just for a few minutes, you took someone who had a bad day or a bad week, and you made them laugh and forget their problems, well, that's just a really cool thing. So I hope the people on the show appreciate the opportunity to make so many people laugh. And I wish them luck. But I'm glad it's not me.

News: The Sad, the Strange and the Rest

Okay, I had no idea what to write about today - then, when I logged onto the Internet, a strange news story caught my eye.

"Missing Lighthouse Found" - Apparently an iron lighthouse from Massachusetts thought to have been dismantled and destroyed in 1925 was actually found to have been moved to California. An iron lighthouse. Seriously? Nobody thought to say, "hey guys, I'm not gonna throw away this lighthouse, I think I'll move it instead." Some surmise that the lighthouse was disassembled bolt by bolt then reassembled at it's new location. Don't you think that's a lot of work for people to not know what happened to it? I know that communication in 1925 wasn't exactly what it is now but still, it hardly seems like something you'd keep secret. I guess what bothers me the most is that it took over eighty years for researchers to discover it. There are only 700 lighthouses in the U.S. Lighthouse lovers are fanatics about lighthouses. They publish magazines with articles, calendars with pictures, make pilgrimages to them, etc. And nobody went, "hmmm, this lighthouse looks a lot like the one we lost". It took these Sherlock Homes wanna-bees almost a century to figure it out. Do not hire these people to find your missing kid.


The sad news is late, I will admit. I meant to blog it when it happened last week but just forgot. (Let's blame my illness, okay?). Sidney Pollack died on May 26th at the age of 73. He got started in acting but quickly found his niche as a director, first in television then in film. He directed some absolutely outstanding films, like The Way We Were, Three Days of the Condor, The Electric Horseman, Out of Africa (okay, he obviously had a special relationship with Robert Redford since they did some amazing work together), The Firm and my personal favorite, Tootsie. He also produced an impressive list of great films, so many accomplishments that I can't list them all here. (But check out his IMDB listing if you want more info.) He also acted in many films and even played the recurring role of Will's dad on "Will and Grace". I have a list of people I would like to work with and Sidney was at the top of my list. He now moves to the list of people I sincerely regret never haven gotten the chance to work with (in case you are wondering, others on that list include Colleen Dewhurst, John Houston, Robert Altman, Sidney Sheldon and John Ritter)
Thank god for the movies, because great talents like Sidney Pollack's will never really die.


In the rest of the news, Hilary Clinton will concede the nomination for President to Barack Obama, probably tomorrow. If he is smart and in tune with what will win him the election, Obama will then choose Clinton as his running mate. To not do so may fracture the Democratic party and allow McCain to win. These are only predictions folks, I'm not endorsing any particular candidate. However, should my predictions come true, we would have a truly historic ticket. And I am right once again. I always said that this country would have a black male president before any woman. I'm not being biased, it's just based on the fact that black men had the right to vote (let's leave Jim Crow debates aside please) before women did and on Star Trek there was a black male captain (Deep Space Nine) before a female (Voyager). Again, I'm not being racist here, merely pointing out the facts as I see them.

Okay, gotta go work on some recipes. The current ingredient I'm working with is Harissa, a red chili paste that originated in Tunisia. It is the North African version of sambal. It's hot but has a really great flavor due to the addition of garlic and spices. Off to the kitchen to be a mad scientist!